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I would say the father was minimally emotionally supportive, if at all. I never knew of them doing anything together. The father traveled a lot for his job and was at home on the weekends, at the very most. He had some jobs out of state and just rented his own place there and may be gone for weeks at a time. This has gone on for at least the past fifteen years. The dad has an ownership stake in several businesses that my friend said were worth at least a few million. The family also had sole rights to a lot of expensive land. Their wealth was well into the seven figures, if not flirting with eight. I always wondered why his dad would choose to live in a basic apartment hours away from his family long after their financial needs were met for life. They didn't live a lavish lifestyle or anything. Honestly I feel that staying away was dad's way to deal with the family. He might as well have grown up in a single parent household.
The mother and grandmothers were his primary support - they were the ones taking care of him and the ones he interacted with most. His days were primarily filled maintaining all the land the family owned. The sister has been out of the picture for a long while - she was attending school and working in various states until settling nearby with her husband about three years ago.
There was a pretty close group of about five of us that grew up from grade school together. All of us went to college, graduated, got decent jobs, had relationships, etc, except for the deceased. We all still lived within a half hour or so of each other and continued to do things together even into adulthood. As the rest of us matured and had similar experiences, the deceased really had no frame of reference for our lives. He had never worked nor had he really been around someone who worked a normal job with a normal schedule. He was included in plans, but gradually we just couldn't relate to him anymore. It was like he got "stuck" around age 18 and never progressed.
Here are some things you will hopefully learn from your friend's sad experience as you continue along Life's journey:
Your attitude is beyond comprehension. You hated your son-in-law so much that you value your continuing running him down over your relationship with your own daughter. Your own stubborness is the reason she wants you to stay away. Your son-in-law is dead; what is the point of dredging up the past and what is the point of the on-going tug-of-war as to whether you or your daughter is "right"? You are consumed by hatred to the point of allowing your relationship with your own daughter to fall victim to it. Whatever happened to the concept of keeping one's mouth closed? You could (if you wanted to) keep your mouth closed on the issue despite the disagreement between you and your daughter. Disagreement does not have to poison a relationship if the two parties will agree to disagree and drop the matter. It seems you have a fanatical need to have the last word and to be "right". How sad for your daughter and your grandchildren that you have chosen to poison the relationships with them. But you are in denial about your own role, and even blame your dead son-in-law for it. If he "won" (an absurd proposition), then it is because you allowed him to win.
^^^^This^^^^ I see no reason to keep bringing it up and poison the relationship w/ your daughter. Why?
I pretty much agree with most of the posts on here. I cannot imagine the hell that people like this suffer through, but I'm willing to accept that they are in a kind of hell that they can't escape. God has got to be more merciful than we are.
Another thought that I have after reading Conversations with God: we are all in the act of committing suicide. Some of us smoke, some of us eat a lot of things we know we shouldn't. Some of us get very distraught and drive in such a way that we're secretly hoping will kill us so we don't have to look like a suicide. You get the idea. Suicide can be fast or slow, but it is suicide nevertheless. We make the distinction, but really, is there one?
Be thankful he only committed suicide, and did not also kill family members, friends, or strangers the way some mentally ill people have been known to do.
I haven't read the entire thread but mourning is for the freinds and loved ones left behind.
OP, mental illness is as real as cancer regardless of what you think. Material ease has nothing to do with easing the disease and the drug abuse etc. was most likely his attempt to self medicate.
I only read the 1st post. how sad for you, and I don't mean this poor mans death. I had a nephew who also killed himself, I grieved just like I did for other loved ones. People who commit suicide are either mentally ill or have taken all they possibly can. Saying God doesn't give you more than you can handle, just isn't true for some.
Your post disturbs me to my core. It makes me wonder if this young soul had anyone in his life that cared about him, if you're a representative of them. Sad...
Up to a few years back Roman Catholic leaders denied church burial rites to members of the flock who took their own lives. Other old religions have similar attitudes. So it's not a "new" problem we have to face.
The 'Don't judge!' generation has to sort things out individually, I guess.
Everyone is worthwhile, worth remembering somehow to someone, regardless of their manner of death.
I believe suicide will become more common and accepted in the future, euthanasia is likely to be decriminalised within 20 years or so in my opinion.
It is tragic that suicide occurs at such a young age, but I do believe everyone ultimately has the right to end their own life if they so choose.
I do understand the feeling to get angry and not go. It is very difficult to watch those you care about grieve, especially when they're grieving someone you personally don't like.
You attend funerals for the ones who are still living though, not for the deceased. If you care about those who are grieving you go for them, and you keep your opinions to yourself too.
People do not take their own lives because they want to DIE. They do it to end the chaos and pain they suffer every minute of their lives. If there was any other way to stop it, they would certainly not choose the method that ends everything.
I know you are right..BUT What about the pain and anguish they cause their family?
Eh I don't think you've matured as much as you seem to think you have.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210
For someone who is college educated, you are very poorly life educated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123
Here are some things you will hopefully learn from your friend's sad experience as you continue along Life's journey:
* Money does not buy happiness.
* There, but for the grace of God, go you or I...
* No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Quote:
Originally Posted by breeinmo.
Your post disturbs me to my core. It makes me wonder if this young soul had anyone in his life that cared about him, if you're a representative of them. Sad...
This, this, this and this.
OP, you are judgmental and arrogant, have very little compassion, and your fixation on your friend's financial means is boorishly crass. SMDH.
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I know you are right..BUT What about the pain and anguish they cause their family?