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Lost my Mom last year. I'm an only child and was extremely close to her. I was fine immediately after the funeral and after-funeral estate stuff, but four months later I went into a deep grieving period and was really depressed. Eventually I came out of it and my life got to my "new normal" of not hearing her voice, not worrying about her health, etc. I must say, I am in my 60's and some of my joy for life is gone. I feel like if something happens to me, at least I will be able to be with my Mom again. I miss her so much. One consolation is that many of my friends are in my situation as well (as our elderly parents are passing on), so we all have each other for support and understanding. I probably didn't help much and I'm sorry about that, but I think it's good to hear how others are coping, even if it's not well.
Lost my Mom last year. I'm an only child and was extremely close to her. I was fine immediately after the funeral and after-funeral estate stuff, but four months later I went into a deep grieving period and was really depressed. Eventually I came out of it and my life got to my "new normal" of not hearing her voice, not worrying about her health, etc. I must say, I am in my 60's and some of my joy for life is gone. I feel like if something happens to me, at least I will be able to be with my Mom again. I miss her so much. One consolation is that many of my friends are in my situation as well (as our elderly parents are passing on), so we all have each other for support and understanding. I probably didn't help much and I'm sorry about that, but I think it's good to hear how others are coping, even if it's not well.
Sorry about your mom, Avalon. It's very good you have friends who can share with you. You are fortunate.
My mom died 21 years ago this past June 2nd and Dad will be dead 8 years this coming Oct. 11th. I don't even think about being an orphan anymore. I miss them, I think about them but my life has gone on...as it should.
I lost my Dad in 1998 and my Mom in 2010. I am so sorry for what you are going through, it's so hard when we no longer have our parents around. I don't think I have any words of wisdom or can really advise anything different than what everyone else has advised. Please remember that you will grieve in your own way, don't compare yourself to anyone else, we are all so different.
I agree that you really won't get "past" it but will get "through" it.
Looking back at my own experience in regard to my Mother, I wish that I had spoken to the hospice grief counselor like my sister did, instead I didn't truly allow myself to grieve until about 4-5 months after my Mom's death. My husband and I moved long distance, 2 months after her death, before Christmas, so I "busied" myself with unpacking and the holidays and visitors, etc. I should have allowed myself to grieve and cry but I didn't and it hit me really hard later on when I was alone. I have to say that there are still moments when I get overwhelmed by the loss of her. I also feel as another poster feels, that some of the joy has gone out of my heart.
I talk to my parents quite often and cry....when I'm alone...it makes me feel better. They say time heals....in some ways it does. Just take it one day at a time and please find someone to talk to....I had my sister so that helped me a bit.
First, I'm really sorry that you're going through this alone. When I lost my mother in 1998 after several years of illness, surgeries, and then finally cancer....my immediate focus became my Dad. He and Mom had been married almost 53 years and he was absolutely devastated when she died. I immediately went into comfort mode for him - and I was also working full time then too. I cooked, cleaned, visited, did laundry, errands and absolutely anything he needed that he wasn't up to doing. It took my mind off my grief over Mom but I still needed time and space to accept that she was gone. You understand that death is part of life and there is nothing to fear, really. Your mother is sick and dying, and your father's health is failing. Perhaps you could find a support group in your area - and talk about your feelings. It will relieve some stress and help you to formulate a "plan" that you can start to organize your actions and thoughts toward the idea of them not being there with you. 38 is not old - you can certainly find things to occupy your life when the time comes and you feel ready to move past the grief and despair of death. It will be hard - I won't lie to you. But, if you try to come to terms with the idea while you still have them and think about the way you visualize your life you will know when and where to start. Maybe now might be a time to try and connect with those brothers - they will be your only living relatives and it seems a shame to not have their support and love at a time like this. Get together and act like adults, if there are problems between you see if they can be resolved and you can all move toward a better relationship with each other. Life is short and it is also what you make of it. You alone can choose to remain alone and miserable or embrace the life your dear parents gave you, and just learn to be happy and LIVE. I remained single until after both my parents were gone - and I married at age 51. I have no children, but I do have a man who loves me and whom I adore. I never gave up, but I did put it on the back burner until I did for them what I needed to do, with no distractions and no regrets. I miss them both terribly, but I am happy now, and I know they would be proud of how I am doing without them here. So, please try and rationalize your fears, and put them aside. They have lived good lives and it is now their time to "go home"...they are sick, and tired, and they deserve peace. Cultivate some new friends somehow, get involved in yourself and your life, and with the passage of some time, you will be OK. Good luck.
I am 49, my dad has recently passed and my mom has alzheimers. I am single and have no children. I feel scared and alone. Is anyone else in the same boat? or have any advice?
Hello Cookie. I am so sorry you lost your dad and your mom is sick. I've lost both of my parents as well. I know this is a very difficult time for you, and even at 49 you feel too young to be orphaned. I understand that. As someone told me right after I lost my mom, the pain won't stay as acute as it is right now. I didn't believe her back then, but I do now. It's so true. It takes time and space to heal from the loss of someone so dear. With your mom it's got to be difficult, knowing what is ahead. I don't have children either, and I know this is the time you feel you could use their comfort. I hope you have some friends you can talk to and share what you are going through. You are not alone, my friend. Sending many hugs to you today. Take care of yourself.
I lost my dad last November. We weren't close and I live 3000 miles away. I was told that he was not going to last and that he probably would not wake up before he died the next day. My mom is doing reasonably fine after 50 years of marriage. I am married, but no kids. It's hard to think that he is gone. I talk to my mom more often now. We aren't really close either, but I know that I would really miss her when she does go. I know my father isn't suffering anymore as he was sick for several months before he died, and I think he knew he might not make it. I am happy that he was able to live for as long as he did, and even though he had a lot of health problems, he didn't give up.
Here's my advice. There are some things in life you just have no control over so we have to accept them. Death is one of them. No of us will make it out of life alive. That being said when you speak with your parents no matter the current condition tell them everything you have ever wanted to tell them.
I don't mean drama stuff but talk to them about life. The grief period sucks but as mentioned with time it gets easier to deal with. You never forget. So just talk to the parents and enjoy whatever time is left.
I hope I don't come across as being cold but it comes from experience of losing both parents. Just like being born death is also a part of life. Nothing we can do about it.
Here's my advice. There are some things in life you just have no control over so we have to accept them. Death is one of them. No of us will make it out of life alive. That being said when you speak with your parents no matter the current condition tell them everything you have ever wanted to tell them.
I don't mean drama stuff but talk to them about life. The grief period sucks but as mentioned with time it gets easier to deal with. You never forget. So just talk to the parents and enjoy whatever time is left.
I hope I don't come across as being cold but it comes from experience of losing both parents. Just like being born death is also a part of life. Nothing we can do about it.
Good post, Calto.
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alone and scared
