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It would have been great, as you say, if those things had been resolved when your step-mom was still alive, but I guess sometimes it just isn't meant to be. Still, your being there at her funeral, IMO, ought to be a source of comfort in that you did all you could do.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I am still having a really hard time about this whole situation. Reading your response this morning gives me strength.
I miss my father and I wish he could have been the dad I always wanted growing up...I'm sorry about it all and I feel like I lost one of arms and legs since he is gone. I'm sorry for everyone's losses
I am so sorry for your loss. Life can be so cruel at times. Death is so final and when we love someone and that person leaves, before we have a chance to repair or build, re-build any kind of a friendship or resolve old differences is heart breaking. Leaving loved ones behind, with so many what ifs?
One thing I know, I am trying to be kinder and not hold grudges. I know we can't like everyone, even though they may be family or "whoever," to be mean spirited and hurt people is devastating.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I am still having a really hard time about this whole situation. Reading your response this morning gives me strength.
I'm'glad those words were there for you to read them. Those feelings you are going through now, I think, are perfectly natural, and a part of the grieving process-for your loss of your stepmother and with her death, the loss of any chance to mend the estrangement between you and her. Your grief is also no doubt for the years lost of the good relationship you once had with her, or perhaps one that could have been. I understand, I have been there too with my father.
It will take time, just how long is an individual thing, for you to know instinctively that whatever actions you took in the past, you did the best you knew how at the time. And perhaps you could not have done any differently, especially if your stepmother chose to alienate you and your children and it wouldn't have mattered what you did. And you will realize that any guilt you might be feeling over all this is truly misplaced, and you will let it go. Or at least box it up and put it where it can't get at you without warning.
In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, work at remembering the good things, and do things for yourself that make you happy. And remind yourself, you did the best you knew how.
In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, work at remembering the good things, and do things for yourself that make you happy. And remind yourself, you did the best you knew how.
Peace and solace to you.
Thank you, thank you.........I hope you know how much your kindness means, there are so many folks that just don't understand the depth of this. Wishing you happiness and joy, in this old world.
I was told by my father 4 years ago that I was dead to him, long story where we both said things and made mistakes, and when he dies it will be just another day for me. I have already mentally buried him.
I was told by my father 4 years ago that I was dead to him, long story where we both said things and made mistakes, and when he dies it will be just another day for me. I have already mentally buried him.
I am so sorry, I know your heart hurts. There is nothing that can get you two together, again? Kept thinking my step-Mom and I would make amends..............never happened......Don't know why people hold grudges and can't forgive and forget. Who knows? Take care.
The family of my generation (I am age 73) is starting to experience deaths. There is no right or wrong as to attending any service. Some are closer regardless of family relationship than others. My siblings (3 of us) all lived at least 500 miles away from each other. We all went to each others wedding and the weddings of our children (or at least the first wedding...LOL). We did not mingle nor were part of each others daily lives. We saw each other every few years. When my sister died, my brother and I (had not seen each other in two years) attended the service. A few months later her husband died. We talked to her children (grown adults with their own families) but we did not attend the services. Granted he made it easy for us by not wanting any services.
My wife and I have gifted our remains to a medical school. They remove the remains within 24 hours. The other will probably have a memorial service but that remains to be seen how it goes come the time.
My first wife recently died. I confess I felt good riddance to her.
I have told my son if for some reason my stepson should show up at services for me to not let him in.
Thought my step-Mom and I were great friends and she was my hero for many, many years. After I purchased a home from her, (my Dad passed away, just a year before,) anyway, she finally just shut me completely out of her life. Very hurtful, for years. She became very ill and passed away, recently. I feel so bad for her and her family. She was such a vibrant, seemingly healthy lady.
My question is, why do step children, sometimes get such a bad rap? My Mom and Dad, (her husband of over 50 years) were married just before WWII, and only married a few years. Just all so heart breaking.
Guess, your stepson hurt you; but can you be friends again? He may be hurting, too. It is an awful hurt, and even worse, now.
it wouldn't hurt my feelings or those of the family that has stayed closer to me if the estranged child didn't show up.
I'd be happy knowing that they hadn't done anything differently upon my demise. If it wasn't worth staying in touch while I was alive, it sure isn't gonna' change ....
Why bother to have the expense and the time of attending a funeral of someone you do / did not care for? That is quite pointless. Let those who loved the deceased and wanted them in their lives mourn in peace.
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totally agree
