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I was told not to talk about past lives or past suicides at funerals of others. The focus should be on the dearly departed. Many of the people I have met at funerals died of mysterious circumstances shortly after I have noticed. I never bring that up as it would be rude at a funeral.
Oildog, my condolences. Death is never easy and you all handled it in a way that worked for you at the time.
As an ex, I would be completely devastated if I wasn't notified of the death of my former husband and given enough time to attend. We had a good life together and have many wonderful memories. Even though another woman is in the picture, I would want to be there. I would want to support my stepkids and the members of the family to whom I am still close. Of course, my ex and I are still friends and converse from time to time. So in my case it's different. That being said, the new gf would get a little (a LOT) unglued. But then again, they've been together for 10 years and he has not tied the knot with her. So...
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