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61, single male, no family left, living here at my parents house alone, Both parents have passed on, mother last year, Don't like the area that much and really dislike the winters here, The only thing that is keeping me here is all the wonderful memories of my parents who I dearly loved and growing up in this house most of my life,
Anyone sale there home and regret walking away from there memories of it? I kn, as w I well always carry my loving feelings of my parents in my heart no matter where I go, my mother loved this home andalways wanted me to have it, so I guess it is guilt keeping me from selling the home and getting on with my life, Thanks kindly for your thoughts regarding this,
I am so sorry for your loss.
While it is true that your mother loved the house and wanted you to have it, I bet that she loved you more than the house and wanted/wants you to be happy.
Perhaps, it is just too soon to move. Although, it is a different situation, as my siblings and I inherited our family farm not just a house, it was about 18 years after our mother died and 10 years after our father died before we needed to make the hard decision of what to do with the house. No one had lived in it for a decade and Wisconsin winters were very hard on both the interior and exterior as well as the sheds and garage. It would have been very expensive to remodel and update everything to bring it up to current codes, as it was an old farm house built by hand by our grandfather. To top it off, a neighbor had just built a new half a million dollar "show place" house directly across the road from our starting to look somewhat dilapidated childhood home. No one was complaining but we could see the "writing on the wall."
Even then it took two more years before all four us were ready to have the house torn down. It was heartbreaking, but the right thing to do.
MistyDoo, take your time. When you are ready to move on you will know it. Is it possible to spend winters in a warmer climate and summers in your family home for a while? Perhaps, that will make the change easier.
Sounds like the house needs a family....that's what my thoughts were when I finally decided to move. Now there is a young family there making their own memories. I still have my memories and lots of family stuff -- too much stuff.
^^ I like SunGrin's advice. The house has good karma. It was a happy family home for a child who loved his parents. The best memorial you could give them would be to turn the house over to another family who can make their happy memories there. Your mother loved the home she made and she was happy there. She was trying to transfer that happiness over to you by bequeathing it to you. But a woman who treated you well all her life would not have wanted to saddle you with guilt and responsibility to an inanimate object.
It won't make you happy in the long run to live in the past. By all means keep mementos of your family and some of Mother's things to remind you of her. But let go of the house if living in that town is not the future you imagine for yourself. You're still young enough to put down new roots somewhere sunny, but the longer you stay there, the less adventurous you'll feel. Wherever you go, you're taking your loving family with you. Don't get trapped by bricks and mortar.
To get a good price selling a house, any good Realtor will advise you to "depersonalize the home." Packing up all the accessories, mementos, pictures, etc., that stamped your folks' natures on the house and storing them somewhere while you show the house to potential buyers. This allows viewers to imagine THEMSELVES in the house and not just see the people who used to live there. I guarantee from my personal experience that as soon as you do that — and give the house a good cleaning and whatever repairs it needs — it will seem more like a "building" to you and less like the spirit of your family.
Best of luck making a new home someplace warm that will incorporate your memories of the people who raised you as soon as you unpack.
I agree with Germaine's advice. If you can afford to, why not spend the winter months somewhere warm that sounds agreeable to you, knowing you can go back to your home when you want. I think some time passing will give you a better perspective on what you want to do in the long run, and you might as well be happy in the meantime. Our memories do have a tremendous hold on us!
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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When my parents died, I inherited their house. We moved in there fully intending to raise our kids in their big house that had been my childhood home, but after a short time there, we realized we needed to update the kitchen, the bathrooms, carpet, remove wall paper, and more to make it work for us. So, we did all those things, and then it wasn't my childhood home anymore, and I realized it was the memories I was living, and not the house itself. We ended up selling the house, using the money and building our own home with everything exactly as we wanted. I kept much of their furniture and their things, which, over time became less and less important and I now have only the most cherished things. We tend to hold on to what's familiar and comforting, but what we have most are our memories, and they'll go with us wherever we are.
I agree with the others that finding a place you want to be, where it's warm and fits your lifestyle is what you need to do. Your mom wouldn't want you living in the house if you weren't happy. She would want you to find a place that you loved where you could make your own memories.
Thank you all kindly for your heart felt comments. I do feel this isn't just a house, its a home. All the pain and suffering my parents and em sure all our parents went through to make it a home for us. Being that. as mentioned here it still to early of mums passing. Thinking foolishly, may be kidding myself thinking by moving, I can run away from the heartache of her passing, instead of the area. Going to give it till next fall, then take a few weeks down south. But in the mean time, just go somewhere close now for the weekend and really see what all my inner feelings are really feeling. As its been 5 years I have not strayed more than a 5 mile radius from home being in mums health condition. Thanks again kindly.. Ken
Ken, I think you're making the right decision. I also took care of my mom in my parents home, so understand the staying around within a few miles for years. Since I dealt with other heirs though, I had no choice but to sell. I did have a year there after she passed, and made myself not think of the house as a "home". Even though I lived there since I was 6 or so, I don't miss it thank God. I couldn't stand the area, so that helped.
Hoping you can take time for yourself, and find where you really want to be friend. All our parents really wanted was our happiness, not to tie us down with what they accumulated. If you sell, just remember to take a lot of pictures and or videos. You don't need to live there to have fond memories.
Thanks breeinmo, thinking allot clearer now. slowly getting some of my sanity back now. Mum got Dementia, It was 24/7 with her the last year. When I could no longer hand feed her and thought all hope was lost. I went with the baby food and a food syringe way of feeding her. It worked well for 2 mths. Was hit or miss as she was forgetting what swallowing was. But days she remembered. Short of sitting on her chest, I pumped as much baby food as I could get in her mouth. Plus that drink Ensure. That is a miracle drink. She was 97, healthy as can be. Dementia just stripped her from remembering anything, then she forgot how to swallow all togeether. Put her in short term Hospice. She lasted another 8 days with out food or drink or drugs even at 70 pounds. So all the more I want to do the right thing with regards to the house for her and me.
One really interesting thing happening in mothers last month of her life here at home. The doctors call it a Dementia clearing. I called it a blessing. She snapped completely out of her insane state for a whole day, she remembered everything clearly. She knew who I was for the first time in a 6 mths. We sat and laughed and talked about everything as normal. Then she went back into her mental state that night till the end.
Oh Ken I also had a miracle day with my mom. We had so much fun and she wanted a BIG breakfast from Denny's! She wasn't able to go out, but my son brought her everything she wanted. She talked, laughed, ate and made future plans of getting better. Of course that didn't happen, but that day was a gift I cherish. I've heard this happens when time is getting short.
You wrote you want to do the right thing about the home for your lovely mom and you...Ken, you already did the most wonderful thing you could do for your mom. You gave up your way of life and took loving care of her. How many sons do that? You now must do what's best for you, its your turn. Please know that as a mom, I wouldn't care what my sons do with my house. BUT, if they do for me what you did for your mom, I'd feel like the luckiest mom in the world. I'd also feel overpaid for raising them.
I believe that we don't give a darn about the material items when we pass. We only care about our loved ones. And if no one has told you this lately, you are one of the best, sweetest men I've ever "met". My oldest son is like you, he gave up his job in the last few months of moms life to help her and I. There's a special place in Heaven for people like you. <hope I didn't offend, if you don't believe>
I know exactly how you feel. My mother died in 2006 and my father died in 2012. I was born and raised in Queens, New York. My parents bought the house I was raised in the year they got married (1950) and lived there until my father retired and they moved to Florida in 1989. I lived in the house from birth until the age of 21 when I got married and moved out. When my parents moved to Florida, my husband and I moved back to the house, bought it from them, and lived there until 1999 when we sold it and moved to Long Island. So, anyway, the house was in my family just shy of 50 years. My husband and I now live in another state (Long Island got too expensive!) and I often find myself wishing we remained in my childhood home. These feelings intensified after my father died. From a financial/lifestyle standpoint, I know we made the right decision to sell the house when we did but from an emotional standpoint, I long for that connection to my parents again. It's a conflict of my brain telling me one thing while my heart says another. What you're feeling is completely normal. It's so hard to let go of a parents' house, especially one we lived in for so many years. I have to agree with what others have said though; you should sell the house and carry the memories in your heart. I know it's a tough process. Good luck to you.
GPC, thanks.. as you and others commented here and through email. It has rekindled my desire to get back into life. Come this Sept going to put the house up for sale and head south. Teaching and playing tennis was my career. Its what I love and what I'm good at even if I just open a free tennis clinic at a park for kids is a joy.. Plus just getting back out seeing new fun things and even dating again. Lord that should be interesting at my age. None of that is going to happen around here. Can't believe I let myself get in to such a emotional mental and physical rut this last year. My mum was 97, I was blessed to have her healthy and happy as long as I did. She never had one thing wrong with her or took a asprin. God Bless her. After reading here so many others have lost parents, spouses, children. I'm kinda ashamed at myself for being so caught up in my own emotions. When my heart goes out to everyone else here for there love ones that have pass.
I have 8 mths to get things ready, Thinking Wilmington Nc or Dunedin Fl on the gulf side? Well I guess I do have to get this house ready to sale first. Best head over to housing threads.Thanks kindly..
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