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My kids are in Boulder, CO, the Bay Area and London. I'm in Copenhagen. All of them know I will come to their rescue, if they need it. And each of them has, at one point or other.
These life transitions are so tough. After the in-laws and my parents died some days I felt like I was four years old and everyone had left me home alone!
The divorce of a child is hard for them but I wonder how many people realize that it's hard for us, too. Nearly like losing a member of the family.
After Mom died whenever I started to feel useless I'd go out to the care center where she lived and visit with some of the residents there. I didn't volunteer because I wanted to be free to come and go on my own schedule. That was rewarding for me and I hope also for them.
Some of the young people who had helped take care of Mom would also sit down when they had time. They talked about their dreams and plans and that helped me out some with my empty nester needs.
My work life involved a lot of listening to people so I was using a skill which also is esteem-building. Perhaps you could make a list of things in which you've been trained, a list of things you like and a list of things you'd like to explore more fully and then from those lists think of places where you could volunteer.
Perfectly content when spending my whole day helping others..So I guess the thing I have to figure out is how to have a flexible job & volunteer jobs that let me do that and still allow time to
be off if the kids fly home and time to go see friends & family that live away..
Perhaps you could make a list of things in which you've been trained, a list of things you like and a list of things you'd like to explore more fully and then from those lists think of places where you could volunteer.
Sending wishes for a gentle transition.
That is a great idea..
It really is a transition and I have to figure out how to give back ..
My life has been busy caring for kids, sick parents, grandson, and my husbands illness...
Next chapter !!!
If you define yourself as a giver and caretaker I STRONGLY recommend considering working in Assisted Living or Memory Care facility.
You can go back to school and be an Aid or CNA if you want, the courses are quick.
I work for someone in an ALF with dementia and those people REALLY need caregivers who will take the time to understand the disease, coping skills and enjoy working with them. Most of the time the family is nowhere close geographically. Most of the time the staff, while nice, is rushed and oblivious to certain VERY IMPORTANT THINGS like making sure they drink enough WATER because dehydration can be like on LSD if you have dementia.
My client is HILARIOUS even when she's is being a PISTOL! She keeps me on my toes every day because you can never predict what she's going to remember or not remember. Just today she called me out on one of my standard platitudes I use with her and she was right LOL.
When it's not your family, you can be more objective, not take everything personally and have a sense of humor about things.
I'm proud to say even though I'm her DOG WALKER, we're very close and I've become her primary care giver in terms of being her advocate and decision maker for the family's choices. The ALF looks to me to facilitate certain things when they hit a wall.
It's very rewarding and FUN, believe it or not.
IF you become an aid or CNA you have to get past the hygiene requirements unless you "specialize" in clients who don't need that assistance in that particular activity of daily life.
I recommend reading the book Contended Dementia available on Amazon for starters. There aren't that many CNAs who specialize in dementia and it's a shame because skills and techniques make all the difference in the resident's life. Even the skill of getting them to agree to do something is the hardest and most rewarding.
Of course not all residents have dementia - the most active resident in my client's ALF is 100 years old!!! She spends half the morning fixing her hair and makeup and touches up in the late afternoon for cocktail hour hahaha.
I don't see the point in focusing on children - the government has ENDLESS funding for them and they usually have FAMILY. Unless you're going to be a foster. The SENIORS are the people who are stuck in financial binds, victims of poor planning, OR if they have the resources are running out of friends, companionship and family. And have almost NO advocates to speak of because if you're not there EVERY DAY several times per day like I am...you really don't SEE what's going on - or what's making them do certain things. Everyone including their doctors blame EVERYTHING on age or dementia and it's not that cut and dry because if they're not dehydrated they are 100 BETTER. It amazes me they don't do sub q fluids as a matter of routine but they don't.
Today my client insisted everyone was moving out and was packing. That was new I never heard the "everyone is moving" story.
As it turns out, I later found out they had a fire drill yesterday when I wasn't there and THAT was what got her twisted up. NOBODY even put that together until her daughter mentioned it on the phone with me!
Also if you have any talents, they're always looking for someone like piano players, singers, calling Bingo, cupcake decorating type social activities etc. I'm not interested in any of that because I prefer one on one but your mileage may vary.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 06-17-2014 at 11:25 AM..
Such a good post Runswithscissors! And too true. It is really our elderly that need volunteers the most. Some of them never get any company.
The staff is often so overworked that all those little niceties and taking time for understanding go by the wayside. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for them.
A person could spend nearly all day just going from room to room with prompts to have some water and to clean eyeglasses.
You never expect it, even when you've expected it for their lifetimes.
I don't know the answer but one thing I do know - your time is YOURS now, so spend it doing things you previously thought you couldn't do.
Travel if you can. Hit the road. See other things, breathe other air, meet other people.
Find a hobby, something you can feel passionate about. This is something I've never had, life's always been too hard, now I've got leisure time I have nothing to fill it with and it's soul crushing.
You never expect it, even when you've expected it for their lifetimes.
I don't know the answer but one thing I do know - your time is YOURS now, so spend it doing things you previously thought you couldn't do.
Travel if you can. Hit the road. See other things, breathe other air, meet other people.
Find a hobby, something you can feel passionate about. This is something I've never had, life's always been too hard, now I've got leisure time I have nothing to fill it with and it's soul crushing.
Great advice..It helps to know others can relate..
Traveling helps, because staying home too much makes me want to
sleep late..waste time..go to bed early & repeat..
It is a good idea to make a list of things I could not do before..
Read an entire book from front to cover, stay up all night to read & sleep the next day..
Shop all I want to, eat out & never cook, nap whenever the urge hits, spend one on one time with the kids when they visit, go visit them and leave lights on & dishes dirty & doors unlocked
Slumber parties with girlfriends, pedicures..volunteer.
I like the idea of flexible contract work ( I am a Speech Pathologist but haven't practiced in a long time )
and volunteer work so that I can be free for time with my adult kids, grandson,extended family & friends..
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