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My ex-husband recently killed himself in a very tragic way (see title). We separated almost a year ago, got divorced in April, and I had tried to move on. I thought that if I did, he would too. He was having intense depression issues along with a painkiller problem (even though he truly needed them). I will always carry some guilt about cutting him off (communication) and not being there for him. I know his actions were not my fault, but I never stopped loving him. I just felt, at the time, I couldn't help him any longer. There were other factors involved, but I will leave it at that. I didn't get married to get divorced. I also helped to raise his child, and all I want now is to be able to help him through this, even though he now lives in a different state. I'm still shocked and numb, and have trouble coming to grips with the fact he is gone and I can't grieve. My new relationship just fell apart due to cheating on the other partners side. I'm functioning but I don't know how. I'm not sure that I'm asking a question, I just needed to get it out. I feel so lost and so lonely. The guilt is pretty bad, I keep trying to help the family and help his son, but just can't get past how they don't resent me or blame me.
I am very sorry for your loss. It’s going to be tough at first but allow yourself to grieve. You are a strong person. You can overcome this. You have a strength that your ex husband just couldn’t find. His family is probably aware of everything that he was going through. Just don’t blame yourself. Look into local grief support groups. Talking and listening to others who have also suffered a loss may help you overcome this.
My ex-husband recently killed himself in a very tragic way (see title). We separated almost a year ago, got divorced in April, and I had tried to move on. I thought that if I did, he would too. He was having intense depression issues along with a painkiller problem (even though he truly needed them). I will always carry some guilt about cutting him off (communication) and not being there for him. I know his actions were not my fault, but I never stopped loving him. I just felt, at the time, I couldn't help him any longer. There were other factors involved, but I will leave it at that. I didn't get married to get divorced. I also helped to raise his child, and all I want now is to be able to help him through this, even though he now lives in a different state. I'm still shocked and numb, and have trouble coming to grips with the fact he is gone and I can't grieve. My new relationship just fell apart due to cheating on the other partners side. I'm functioning but I don't know how. I'm not sure that I'm asking a question, I just needed to get it out. I feel so lost and so lonely. The guilt is pretty bad, I keep trying to help the family and help his son, but just can't get past how they don't resent me or blame me.
Hugs to you honey, this is a HUGE shock filled with nothing but pain.
I am so sorry for your loss!
You really need some professional guidance at this point. The links below will give you a place to start:
Thank you for your responses. It's been beyond tough and I feel so numb most days. I'm know that I'm going to need counseling or support of some kind. I don't want to medicate this away as much as I want too. I've just been throwing myself into my job but not sure how healthy that is when I don't eat or sleep. I'm a functioning person but most days it's just my body moving and no one is home.
I'm so sorry about your ex. I agree with the others that seeking out a support group would be a good idea.
Let yourself grieve for as long as you need to, but also make sure to take care of yourself. I know sleeping and eating can be hard at this time, but try your best, even if it means forcing yourself to eat a good, healthy meal once a day. Maybe taking some melatonin might help you sleep?
I'm so sorry OP. I'm so glad none of the family is blaming you, as they shouldn't. No one can be held responsible for another taking their life. I had to tell this to my grand daughter last week. A boy that wants to date her, said he'd kill himself if she wouldnt. He's been after her for months and she was getting so stressed she couldnt eat or sleep. My son had to call his mom, and the boy is now getting help.
So please dont blame yourself. Your ex had depression, and no matter what you had done it might have happened sooner or later. Like I told my GD, when someone threatens suicide if you wont stay/be with them, they're holding you hostage. Good luck and take some time to enjoy something you love doing. If you like to read, thats a good escape.
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He's been after her for months and she was getting so stressed she couldnt eat or sleep. My son had to call his mom, and the boy is now getting help. 
