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My husband recently passed away and my mother has offered her home for a very small remembrance celebration in November for my husband. I feel like this is what I'm going to do, but, my husbands sisters are all thinking they need a funeral for closure? Why would a funeral be necessary?
Funerals are very, very expensive. When my husband died seven months ago, I decided not to have a funeral for him, for several reasons. First, it was his wish that I not have a funeral for him. Second, all of his family lives far away from this area, and I didn't want to spend the money to have a funeral that they'd probably not want to travel so far for.
If your husband's sisters are so adamant about a funeral for your husband, maybe you could ask them (nicely) if they'd be willing to foot the bill. If you don't have a funeral, and they become angry about it, could you deal with their anger?
Some of my husband's family aren't speaking to me because I didn't have a funeral for him, but they're not people I want in my life anyway.
Funerals are very, very expensive. When my husband died seven months ago, I decided not to have a funeral for him, for several reasons. First, it was his wish that I not have a funeral for him. Second, all of his family lives far away from this area, and I didn't want to spend the money to have a funeral that they'd probably not want to travel so far for.
If your husband's sisters are so adamant about a funeral for your husband, maybe you could ask them (nicely) if they'd be willing to foot the bill. If you don't have a funeral, and they become angry about it, could you deal with their anger?
Some of my husband's family aren't speaking to me because I didn't have a funeral for him, but they're not people I want in my life anyway.
It is amazing the audacity of people who make demands or get angry if their wishes are not followed, yet they expect someone else to pick up the tab for their expectations being met, lol.
I have been to both, and I feel that a gathering to celebrate that person's life is so much more meaningful. Everyone can share their thoughts, feelings and grief in a less formal and stressful situation. Funerals are expensive, solemn and sad. A celebration of life is open, thoughtful and more personal for everyone. He didn't want a funeral, and his wishes should be considered above any one else's in my opinion.
What they want does not matter in this case. They should respect your decision and your husband's wishes in this matter......... whatever that may be. If they don't, then they have their own personal issues they need to contend with.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
This may sound hokey, but you can weigh the differences: a funeral, at which the body is presented for viewing, could bring on more sadness and grieving. Whereas a remembrance could mean a little less of such. Gives everybody an opportunity to remember him as they last saw him - alive and happy. I think I'd opt for the remembrance, as opposed to seeing someone laid out in a casket.
It is amazing the audacity of people who make demands or get angry if their wishes are not followed, yet they expect someone else to pick up the tab for their expectations being met, lol.
Nope, you are definitely not alone.
Once again I agree with ani and the other posters. I had a celebration of life for my wife 6 1/2 years ago at the church she attended and the family came to my house where we remembered and spoke of all the ood memories we had incountered. That was the way she wanted.
IMO, you are the spouse and the way you handle the funeral arrangements is entirely up to you. Like a few others mentioned, funerals are expensive. A nice remembrance and maybe a dinner (maybe some of his favorite dishes?) would be nice as well. I’d prefer that over people weeping over a dead body. Everyone who attends can share a story or memory about him.
Just a question but how much does a graveside or pre cremation service or a viewing cost?
That is just me and only because you asked for opinions.
If he said 'no funeral' and if the estate could afford it, I would go for a viewing prior or small funeral home service prior to the cremation to offer family a chance to say good bye. No funeral, just some small opportunity to read a poem or say some words and goodbye.
If they wanted a more formal funeral I would most sympathetically ask them to chip in on the cost of the funeral and participation as well. Just saying they may not have said their goodbyes yet and feel the need for a formalized closure, whereas you have had the time and space that you might be ready for a remembrance celebration.
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