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You posted #1,000, cyn! Whooppee! Yes, this morning I am calmer. I just had to get it out yesterday. I feel much more positive today. Yes, it is one thing or another, isn't it?
Can't be feeling bad with the beautiful weather we are having today. Sunny, 46°. It's 15+° colder than it was yesterday but it is still above freezing!
Maybe you and I can keep pushing that positive attitude back and forth! Smile! I am staying busy but my body is not happy about it. It's my torn rotator cuff that hurts. I decided it's now or never to finish cleaning the den rug---oh my it's was so dirty! One room and I am beat....oh well, one room now and then another a different day will work I suppose. It will have to because my old body can only do so much now days. I need to mow a bit more today just to keep up. It's suppose to rain on the weekend and I Saturday I will be at the ALS walk in Charlotte so I better mow as much as I can today and tomorrow. Oh my............
I got a reality check today. Found out I have a tumor in each of my kidneys! My first reaction was "Oh, sh*t!!" Guess as lonely, boring and tough as my new life is now, I don't want to die! That brought me out of any lingering mourning I have. "They" said the tumors "are probably" benign but I need to go see more doctors now. Wow, that really changed my frame of mind!
Oh tami I'm so sorry to hear this but the good news they think it is benign is what we shall focus on. You know you'll be in my prayers girl.
Oh tami I'm so sorry to hear this but the good news they think it is benign is what we shall focus on. You know you'll be in my prayers girl.
Hi cyn & to all posters & lurkers here.
Thanks, Jax. LOL@lurkers. Got my appointments today, feeling less anxious now. The shock is wearing off. I've stopped obsessing. Another blip in life. I'm not getting any younger, so should not get bummed out.
I'm sorry too Tami. It seems that in my life at least, disaster in it's varying forms comes in threes and then gives me a few good years to recover. I hope your health issue is benign in it's best sense. I saw on the news last evening a story about a couple that lost two of their children in two years to a genetic disease that is extremely rare. I can't begin to image their grief. Multiply mine times 20 I guess. They had a saying stenciled on their sons' bedroom wall that said, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option." Beautifully put. Stay strong and best wishes.
Looks like those "big girl pants" are getting a work out today! It's my step backwards day I guess. No reason as usual, just grief and it's tell tale signs. I am really having it bad today for some reason---I finished mowing the yard and it looks very nice (I am sore and tired from that though), I took care of my neighbors chickens and their dog....I listed a few items on ebay, and the weather is just beautiful but I can't for the life of me feel happy. Maybe I need to find my "big girl" pants and put them on for the day. Sales are so down that always worries me and tomorrow is that walk for ALS in Charlotte. I guess we are suppose to walk I think it's 3 miles. My neighbors are taking me and it is suppose to rain--oh joy. I think if my DH were still alive this would mean a lot more and I would look forward to doing it but now I have to worry about seeing the doctors from the clinic...I feel disappointed in them and my therapist said I need to confront this issue for myself to understand "why" I am disappointed in them when in reality it's probably "me" I'm really upset with. I just wanted my DH to have at least one of his last wishes and that was to go and see everyone at the clinic and for some reason they could not figure out a way to get him there--really?? Oh well that is water under the bridge and I need to put that behind me so maybe tomorrow will help. Maybe it's the fear about tomorrow that has my mood upside down today?
Looks like those "big girl pants" are getting a work out today! It's my step backwards day I guess. No reason as usual, just grief and it's tell tale signs. I am really having it bad today for some reason---I finished mowing the yard and it looks very nice (I am sore and tired from that though), I took care of my neighbors chickens and their dog....I listed a few items on ebay, and the weather is just beautiful but I can't for the life of me feel happy. Maybe I need to find my "big girl" pants and put them on for the day. Sales are so down that always worries me and tomorrow is that walk for ALS in Charlotte. I guess we are suppose to walk I think it's 3 miles. My neighbors are taking me and it is suppose to rain--oh joy. I think if my DH were still alive this would mean a lot more and I would look forward to doing it but now I have to worry about seeing the doctors from the clinic...I feel disappointed in them and my therapist said I need to confront this issue for myself to understand "why" I am disappointed in them when in reality it's probably "me" I'm really upset with. I just wanted my DH to have at least one of his last wishes and that was to go and see everyone at the clinic and for some reason they could not figure out a way to get him there--really?? Oh well that is water under the bridge and I need to put that behind me so maybe tomorrow will help. Maybe it's the fear about tomorrow that has my mood upside down today?
cyn I'm sure they see 100s of patients at the clinic imagine if all of them had the same wish DH had how would they accommodate each wish? At times what is very personal & seemingly easy to do to us is not with others just a fact. I pray you work through your bitterness about it I know it would have meant the world to DH & you but let it go soon. Don't keep it around it is just negative energy draining you from moving forward in your grief process.P. S. Don't forget an umbrella just in case. Love you.
I think it's already on the way out Jaxson...like I said that is water under the bridge and you are right we often take things so personal especially when we are being protective. But I'm not really angry at all I was just hurt more then anything and I get hurt very easily. The clinic did not cause the problems ALS did and I really have come to understand that. This event will just help to close some doors for me. But thanks for the reminder---we all need that at times.
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That brought me out of any lingering mourning I have. "They" said the tumors "are probably" benign but I need to go see more doctors now. Wow, that really changed my frame of mind! 
Got my appointments today, feeling less anxious now. The shock is wearing off. I've stopped obsessing. 
Another blip in life. 
