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Boy I am a mess today--I posted this on the care giving forum instead of here--
Today was full of blessings yet I find myself uncontrollably crying. They tell me this is normal--but I am so tired of tears--I want happy again...
But I am doing better this evening. I do believe it was maybe a bit much with all the hours in the driving too. Just out of shape I guess. Another good nights sleep and all should be well.
Yes, the uncontrollable crying at times is normal, cyn. I had them into my 2nd year as a widow too. It has gotten better but it's right below the surface.
Have you read any of the threads we "regulars" have posted over the past almost 3 years? They may be helpful to you.
Yes, the uncontrollable crying at times is normal, cyn. I had them into my 2nd year as a widow too. It has gotten better but it's right below the surface.
Have you read any of the threads we "regulars" have posted over the past almost 3 years? They may be helpful to you.
No but that is a great idea and yes I bet it will be a lot of help. I forget there is a whole world out there sometimes.
Yesterday we had a little Memorial for my DH at the Hospice garden where we put a plaque with his name and planted a flower. The Doctor from Hospice, the one I admire so much came and did most of the talking. I always feel safe when he is around. He is so close to God. All of the Hospice staff were also there. Very nice--I cried throughout the whole memorial. But it was very nice!
No but that is a great idea and yes I bet it will be a lot of help. I forget there is a whole world out there sometimes.
Yesterday we had a little Memorial for my DH at the Hospice garden where we put a plaque with his name and planted a flower. The Doctor from Hospice, the one I admire so much came and did most of the talking. I always feel safe when he is around. He is so close to God. All of the Hospice staff were also there. Very nice--I cried throughout the whole memorial. But it was very nice!
That crying is very much called for and very good way to express your grief. I think memorials serve that purpose for the bereaved.....it calls up that emotion in the presence of those who understand and who are supportive.
When my father died (Alzheimer's Disease) several of the staff of the nursing home (professional and the hands on care providers) came to his memorial. They had known him at his worst....and still gave testimony to me about what a wonderful man he was. The aides who had to tussle with him when he was obstinent or resistive--said even then he was a gentleman. It was helpful to hear ..... affirmation that my Dad was loved by those who were with him daily at the end.
I'm glad he had a beautiful memorial. But that explains all the tears. They are normal. These things take time, and your DH hasn't been gone that long.
Big hugs.
No but that is a great idea and yes I bet it will be a lot of help. I forget there is a whole world out there sometimes.
Yesterday we had a little Memorial for my DH at the Hospice garden where we put a plaque with his name and planted a flower. The Doctor from Hospice, the one I admire so much came and did most of the talking. I always feel safe when he is around. He is so close to God. All of the Hospice staff were also there. Very nice--I cried throughout the whole memorial. But it was very nice!
That is very nice. Most Hospices are wonderful. If you HADN'T cried, THAT would have been not normal! I'm sorry, IDK when your hubby died. How long has it been? You are permitted to feel sorry for yourself, feel angry too. You do not have to put on a happy face everyday and not allow the grief to surface. You need to go through all the stages.
Go back in pages, read threads from the beginning. That's what I did when my husband first died and then I started posting with the people who knew EXACTLY how I felt and what I was going through. That really is the only way to "right" yourself....talking with others in the same boat. Or reading them as the case may be.
Maila, hope your trip was fun!
Today Hospice got a couple of volunteers to come over this afternoon to move my bed back in my room and put the guest bed back in the guest room...maybe getting things back where they were will help a little as far as these feelings of being so lost and confused. I know it's all normal but that doesn't make it easier. I'm still in such a fog.... A good thing is I have had a few good sales. The bad thing is ebay lowered my rating as a seller because of when I was in the hospital with my husband and could not get out to ship packages in the time they allow me. Everyone got their items with an explanation but it still really lowered my ratings which costs me more money in the long run. Plus there were items I had to cancel and that marked me down too. I couldn't sell them if I didn't know where or what they were. Oh well--that's big business I guess. I pray today will be a little more happy and maybe I can find that "bounce" I use to have. I am going to read back on some of the threads here in the grieving section as tamiznluv suggested. Hopefully it will help me to understand a little more about what is going on with me. I am suppose to have counseling but the gal's appendix erupted and she is in the hospital so I'm checking out private counseling plus the group meetings. Wish me luck! Have a good day everyone!
Of course we wish you good luck cyn and also hope that having your house back the way it should be....will help. That kind of confusion....beds not in the right rooms etc......adds to the feeling that everything is in flux and it makes adjusting to your new realities more difficult.....lack of definition.....adds to the problem.
Girl take yourself off the "timeline" and let if flow when you are down/sad or up/happy that is the natural part of grieving. Which we all do differently and for different lengths of time so don't go by what others did. Yes read the other threads to gain knowledge of what you are fixin' to face or find a like soul that has walked the path you're on now. I think you are being amazingly strong and perhaps contact eBay & tell them what you were going through. Y'all have been doing that for a long time now without problems they should take that into consideration too.
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I'm sorry, IDK when your hubby died. How long has it been? You are permitted to feel sorry for yourself, feel angry too. You do not have to put on a happy face everyday and not allow the grief to surface. You need to go through all the stages.
A good thing is I have had a few good sales. The bad thing is ebay lowered my rating as a seller because of when I was in the hospital with my husband and could not get out to ship packages in the time they allow me. Everyone got their items with an explanation but it still really lowered my ratings which costs me more money in the long run. Plus there were items I had to cancel and that marked me down too. I couldn't sell them if I didn't know where or what they were. Oh well--that's big business I guess. I pray today will be a little more happy and maybe I can find that "bounce" I use to have. I am going to read back on some of the threads here in the grieving section as tamiznluv suggested. Hopefully it will help me to understand a little more about what is going on with me. I am suppose to have counseling but the gal's appendix erupted and she is in the hospital so I'm checking out private counseling plus the group meetings. Wish me luck! Have a good day everyone!
Which we all do differently and for different lengths of time so don't go by what others did. Yes read the other threads to gain knowledge of what you are fixin' to face or find a like soul that has walked the path you're on now. 
I think you are being amazingly strong and perhaps contact eBay & tell them what you were going through. Y'all have been doing that for a long time now without problems they should take that into consideration too.