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Just send a nice card and be done with it. Flowers are waaaaaay too expensive for other than immediate family. I'm sure she's not thinking of old friends now. Perhaps you could offer to go out for lunch or something a bit later? I've found there's a crush of people immediately after the loss, then, they forget all about it.
A nice gesture could be a simple, single rose with a nice ribbon and little note----from you friend, Suzie---in a small vase. It will be noticed and appreciated as much as a huge arrangement.
Considering you're not that close, please don't feel obligated to bring or send flowers. You going to the service with a lovely card would mean more to her than flowers. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you making an arrangement but I wouldn't hand it to the funeral director and then leave. I have often seen bouquets in vases at wakes. Not everyone can spend $50 or more on flowers. I think the gesture in itself is a lovely way to convey one's sympathy.
If you feel uncomfortable going to the funeral home, you can call her, send her your condolences and tell her you'd like to visit her. You can bring her an arrangement when you see her and give her a card with your sentiments. These situations are difficult to handle for many people. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she's going through.
I disagree. Don't call her now to tell her you can't handle going to her son's funeral! Just a nice card should do. Then, figure what you would have spent on flowers, gofundme, etc, and use that to buy yourself and family life insurance! A funeral is NOT a right for everyone, its something the family pays for, they don't go "begging" for the funds. Sorry, that's how I feel. You provide for your own first.
First, do you know for sure if there was any life insurance? If so, that should pay for the funeral. If not, well, then, they shouldn't get into something they can't pay for. Usually, most funeral homes want either payment up front or some proof you have life insurance for the deceased. I doubt the funeral would take place with all the ceremony, etc, if it weren't already paid for. I wouldn't worry about helping a rather distant friend pay for such. I hate to put it this way, but its NOT your problem---the payment of the funeral, that is. We recently lost my MIL, she didn't have any life insurance or any other monies, we had a simple cremation, that was almost $1000 right there, which all fell on us, because we were the only family member who had actually saved a few dollars. I truthfully resented it, but didn't carry on about it, I figured it was to give my dh peace, not for MIL.
Its just like a wedding, not everyone can afford a big wedding, so, not everyone gets one. They go to the courthouse instead.
Of course, I would never express ^^^^^^^ to the bereaved, just be polite, and don't clean out your coffers for someone who might not even remember you or the gesture. You learn to draw lines while being decent at the same time.
Skip the flowers, send a card and a donation to the funeral expense account. Do call in 2 weeks, WITHOUT FAIL and ask if there is something specific you can do to help, and then DO IT. I know you weren't close anymore, but after a few weeks to a couple months other people go on with their lives and she will feel like no one cares anymore. Showing her that you remember and are there to help, even if it's just to listen, will mean a lot to her.
I have ALWAYS thought flowers were a waste of money - if you want to help, send a card (they mean ALOT) and donate, a check, offer to take out to dinner, take food there, etc. - sadly, had to learn this the hard way.
1. Go to the funeral. You think you wouldn't be able to "take it"? What in the hell do you think SHE is going through? She HAS to take it, and it is a lot closer to home for her than it is for you. You don't even have to go to the funeral -- you could just go to the visitation. You don't have to stop by the casket, just offer your condolences, perhaps greet a few people from school that you remember -- and then leave. You have no idea what a comfort it is to the family.
2. Send a card. In fact, you might want to wait a few weeks to send a card -- it's a few weeks after the funeral, when reality is sinking in, that families often appreciate a kind word or support, or just realize that their grief hasn't been forgotten.
2. Skip the flowers. Donate to the funeral fund or to an organization that might be designated.
Dropping off food is a beautiful gesture of caring. People still need to eat but who the heck feels like cooking at a time like that?
Whether it's a Jello salad, a tray of cut up fruit, a casserole covered in aluminum foil for the freezer, barbecue and buns, plate of cookies... it's a nice way to care without intruding.
I just donated to the go fund me account they set up for her. Her sister is posting updates and it seems as if they still haven't received his body( they were out of town when he had this accident). Plus they donated his organs so I don't know if that's delaying the process. They said as of right now everything is still pending.. I didn't donate much but I hope it helps her out a bit. They already surpassed the "goal" that was set up
That's a really sweet gesture and I bet the relatives will appreciate it. Even if you don't want to view the body, you can sit towards the back and it may help you with closure. I would go to the wake and just sit near the back, and of course you can bring your own flowers
Flowers look pretty and all that....but....you can't do much with them, other than look at them. Then what? They die and get thrown out.
When DH died, we had many, many flower arrangements. After they were past their prime (a week or 2), I tossed them all into the garbage. Then....I got a warning letter from my garbage hauler to not place vegetative matter into the garbage. Yeah....like I was thinking of that matter a week or 2 after the funeral.
I know I'm in the minority here, but I've always cringed at dead flowers at funeral. I can see plants or a single rose in remembrance, but bouquets of dead flowers seems just sad to me.
To me a note recalling something wonderful about the person and offering to help, a disposable tray of fruit and cookies, a donation to ?? seems a fitting and more useful remembrance.
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Yeah....like I was thinking of that matter a week or 2 after the funeral.
