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It's sad to see the responses to the OP's question.
My response would be, I'd think the surviving spouse was very lucky to find someone within a month. I'd also warn him/her not to make ANY major, life altering decisions for at least a year after the loss of a spouse, certainly including marriage.
Those of you who say the surviving spouse couldn't have loved his/her spouse to fall in love again so quickly... why do you feel that way? Have you been through it?
The first thing I wanted to do after losing my late wife was to join her. That thought was quickly dispelled, because I knew it would be very selfish to my grown children (in their early 20s), my parents and siblings. But I was so lonesome! We'd had a wonderful, loving marriage, and I felt absolutely empty, much more than anyone knew.
My late wife died suddenly and without warning at age 51, but we'd talked about what we'd do if one of us died. I didn't think I'd ever marry again, but she was sure I would. In fact, she said I'd be a merry widower. She was right, as always. It wasn't long before I was dating several women and sleeping with most of them. It wasn't because I didn't love my late wife but because I did, and I couldn't handle the loneliness. It wasn't a smart thing to do, but at the time it seemed like the ONLY thing I could do! Fortunately, I didn't find the one I wanted to marry for a few years, and we waited to get married for a few more years.
How do you feel about a person who falls in love with someone a month after their spouse dies?
I dont mean casual dating, or company...I mean all out "you are the ONE. Let's get married?"
What are your thoughts?
Is there a time limit as to when someone should fall in love?
Rushing into marriage after only knowing someone for a month seems unwise for a variety of reasons.
Wow. I know everyone grieves differently, but I don't think a month is even enough time to absorb what has happened. At one month, I could think of nothing but my spouse. I still could hardly talk. My take would be that if someone is in love at that stage, it would be terribly unwise to act upon that and get married so quickly. A long engagement would be in order. Perhaps the person is still in shock. Losing a dearly loved life partner is not something that you "get over" in a month, no matter what your style of grieving. I spoke with someone who married a man 6 months after he was widowed, and she wishes that they hadn't done that; there are too many issues and feelings to work through. She said that if she had it to do over, she would have asked him to put off the wedding for a while.
It makes me think that the person just can't handle the loneliness and is looking for a way to avoid the grief. I understand the impulse. Since my husband died, I have never felt such loneliness, such painful yearning that can never be fulfilled. I know that if I started dating right now it would be to avoid how deep and painful my grief is. I am lucky that I am able to hold onto the knowledge that it would be the worst thing for me because the grief would still be there waiting to come out some other time if I tried to avoid it by finding a new love.
I don't think this means that the person didn't love their spouse or is disrespecting their passed on spouse. I think it shows just how much they miss their spouse. Unfortunately, it isn't a good way to deal with grief and if anything happened to the new love, they would have to deal with double the grief because they never dealt with the grief of the first love. I hope that this person gives himself/herself more time to grieve and deal with the harrowing pain before giving in to this new love.
All the grief aside, I'm wondering how it would be possible unless it was someone they already knew.
Plus, the first month you're dealing with banking, social security, insurance policies, medical, etc, etc. How does someone find the time to meet "the one"?
How do you feel about a person who falls in love with someone a month after their spouse dies?
I dont mean casual dating, or company...I mean all out "you are the ONE. Let's get married?"
What are your thoughts?
Is there a time limit as to when someone should fall in love?
Nnnnnooooooooooo. No no no no. It's simply a replacement for the departed spouse. VERY VERY VERY bad idea.
I had this advice given to me by a friend. If you have some catastrophic event like a death of a spouse happen in your life. He said wait a year to make any big decisions like job, selling or buying anything like a car or house. Or get into a relationship.
I guess it depends on the person, but generally I either think there's been something cooking on the back burner all along, or the person left behind has absolutely no idea of how to take care of themselves alone and just takes up with the first person that comes along so they won't have to face life alone. That's sad and not fair to either party..
Personally, if I die before my hubby I would hope he would find somebody who he could be happy with and would be good to him, but I would prefer that he would wait until the grass starts to grow over my six feet of real estate! Nothing I could do about it but still....
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I agree that finding "the one" a month after losing the love of your life is just a quick replacement for the lost love. When you lose a family pet, you wait a month or so before replacing it, but you learn to love the new pet, and you convince yourself it's not to replace the deceased Fido, but you know it is. In all honesty, in the first month after my husband died, I could barely eat, sleep, think, talk, and I was a blithering mess. I had the estate to settle, which ended up taking a year, and I knew I had to think of myself and what would be best for me. I am now six years down the road, and I still have no desire to have a man in my life. I've learned to really treasure living my life on my own terms, making my own decisions, eating dinner at 4:00 if I want or at 10:00 if that's when I get hungry. I like being able to come and go as I please, and I've learned so much about myself in these last six years. I can't for the life of me imagine falling for someone the first month as, like I said, I was a blithering idiot, still. I am deeply in love with my husband, still, and I cherish his memory. I would like to be loved again, but I'm not ready to open that door.
Other men (especially men for some reason--probably because they're used to being taken care of) and women may jump into love within a month, but I'd be suspect of their motives. If it turns out to be real and lasting, good for them, but I highly doubt that love that fast is real and true...
If one finds another to aid them in their time of grief that is just fine regardless of how soon they were found. Jumping into marriage in a short time could be real trouble. I say back off the marriage idea and enjoy the new found friend for a goodly period of time.
Someone on this chat once said women grieve, men replace.
The natural reaction normally, on losing a beloved spouse is to grieve for them, is it not? We aretalking one month ahead. I would say the bereaved did not have deep feelings for their lost spouse to find it within themselves to fall head over heels in a matter of weeks.
Sure we would want our spouse to not grieve forever, but a month?
BTW I have lost someone dear to me a few months ago, and it would not be possible to call my spouse over to come look at what I typed for various reasons. Thanks.
Sam
Sorry for your loss but I still feel your reply was very accusatory.
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Nothing I could do about it but still....
