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Maybe she is doing it now because she knows her finances better than you do.
If she was looking at homes 3 times the size of what she has now I would be concerned.
Maybe she doesn't want the memories of the current house. Maybe she was never able to have things her way and is going to do it now. I know several widows that did that.
She has always been the one in charge and called all the shots, so it's not a new found power thing.
What would I do differently? I'm 300 miles away. So I can't do much other than call and email. But I would make sure her son that lives 20 miles away contacts her often and keeps an eye on her. He tends to live his life and not concern himself with her.
I just want her to make decisions that will work for her and not ones in haste that she will regret later.
She has always been the one in charge and called all the shots, so it's not a new found power thing.
What would I do differently? I'm 300 miles away. So I can't do much other than call and email. But I would make sure her son that lives 20 miles away contacts her often and keeps an eye on her. He tends to live his life and not concern himself with her.
I just want her to make decisions that will work for her and not ones in haste that she will regret later.
would it be possible for you all to move closer to her or have her move closer to you all so you all can keep an eye on her ? I'm dead set on retiring near one of my children so that they wont have to upset their lives concerning me in my end days and I know that one of them will always be close to me .Just a thought that maybe you and your family could do something . I mean she is already talking about downsizing why not find her something near you all or you all find something near her , is that possible ? you seem like you really care about her and that is a good thing .
would it be possible for you all to move closer to her or have her move closer to you all so you all can keep an eye on her ? I'm dead set on retiring near one of my children so that they wont have to upset their lives concerning me in my end days and I know that one of them will always be close to me .Just a thought that maybe you and your family could do something . I mean she is already talking about downsizing why not find her something near you all or you all find something near her , is that possible ? you seem like you really care about her and that is a good thing .
She doesn't want to move up here. We even offered to build a two family or a home with an in law apartment. She wants to stay down there, close to her friends.
I'm not willing to move. I have an awesome job and I can't leave that.
Being related, you know the "family dynamics" way better than we do....I have seen some women, who were in a relationship where they did not have much say in the finances, rebel once they lost their spouse and had the opportunity to spend.
I have also seen those that were so fearful of the future without their spouse that they held on to every penny like it was gold because they felt uncertain about their future being alone.
I think the best advice is to help her thru what she is doing, try to figure out and understand where she is coming from in making such quick decisions and let her know you are there for her should she want/need a sounding board.
Set a regular time to call her and be faithful. You can "be there" for her and keep your finger on the pulse of her emotions just by letting her vent weekly/bi-weekly/etc.
She has always been the one in charge and called all the shots, so it's not a new found power thing.
What would I do differently? I'm 300 miles away. So I can't do much other than call and email. But I would make sure her son that lives 20 miles away contacts her often and keeps an eye on her. He tends to live his life and not concern himself with her.
I just want her to make decisions that will work for her and not ones in haste that she will regret later.
If she's the matriarch of the family, I'd give her plenty of room to adjust, sounds like she knows what she's doing. My mother is the same, very independent and she doesn't want people telling her what to do. We just keep in touch and make sure she's safe and she knows we love her.
I am no one to judge whether she is "OK" or not, but I would urge her to go slowly in buying a new place. I know that I had an urge to move quickly after my husband died. Luckily, as I studied it, I realized it would have been a disaster. I did, however, make a decision to return to my former home about 6 months later, and have just moved. I think this is the right thing, but I took a lot of time deciding. Unless there is a financial emergency, or unless she is carrying out a plan she and her husband made earlier, most sources recommend taking some time to make major changes after a life-changing loss.
When I say she's called the shots, I mean it with respect to getting her way. In no way is she independent. I'm not joking when I say she doesn't know how to unclog a toilet, turn off the water source, or pump her own gas. She has never had to do anything for herself.
Finances....she's never paid the bills and doesn't have. Good concept of budgeting. She should have enough to maintain her current lifestyle though.
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