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I think this is more common than many realize? After the death of a loved one, a spouse is often drawn to their best friend or sibling... Has anyone else been through this and fallen in love with your deceased spouse's (or partner or best friend's) living family member? How did you navigate it?
Interesting first post topic for you. Welcome to city data. Just wanted to introduce you to the search feature and give you a kind welcome. I have no relatives,or true friends that ventured down that path.
the widow of Beau Biden (Former VP Joe Biden's son) is dating her brother in law, Beau's younger brother. They bonded over their shared grief. I'm not saying it's common but it's not like it never happens.
Definitely happens. My maternal grandmother had two kids by her first husband who died shortly after second child's birth. She remarried to his younger brother who was a few years younger than her and went on to have seven more children. They were married 76 years. The second husband was my grandfather.
I think this is more common than many realize? After the death of a loved one, a spouse is often drawn to their best friend or sibling... Has anyone else been through this and fallen in love with your deceased spouse's (or partner or best friend's) living family member? How did you navigate it?
Very cautiously. There are a number of possible reasons for the attraction.
To try to put some of the basics in a form that is easily understood, think of the love of the survivor for the deceased spouse as suddenly having no outlet. It (often urgently) seeks a new outlet that is like the one it had. What the spouse loved or held close is likely to attract that love. However... grief is a time of change and acting impetuously is not wise.
Another possibility is that the value systems of a family member or close friend are likely to be similar to that of the deceased spouse. However... grief is a time of change and acting impetuously is not wise.
Yet another possibility is that the "love" is actually a form of denial of death. However... grief is a time of change and acting impetuously is not wise.
Even more, the love for that individual may be a "channeling" (for lack of a better word) of the spouse's love for the individual. However... grief is a time of change and acting impetuously is not wise.
There are at least a half-dozen more possibilities, but those are the major ones to be aware of.
Navigate by understanding that there are various types of love that fall under the umbrella word "love." The only one that is safe initially is agape. Real romantic love takes time to develop. I hate to put time constraints on a process that varies greatly, but if the feelings continue after eighteen months to a year they are more likely to be a real connection.
My great-great-great grandmother was left a 36 year old widow with 6 children when my great-great-great grandfather died in 1894 at the age of 37, from Pneumonia.
She assumed her late husbands role at the grocery store that he had been a co-owner of, with her brother in law. Two years later, her sister died at age 30, leaving the brother in law as a widower with 6 children.
They married in 1901 & raised the combined 12 children together, along with building a successful business & amassing quite a fortune in ranching land.
Apparently this used to be common in communities & was not only considered acceptable but actually the “responsible thing to do”, as joining forces helped otherwise single-parent households avoid becoming dependent on the charity of their community.
My friend passed away about 8 years ago, her husband is in a relationship and living with her sister.
My thoughts?? None of my business, they both seem happy.
I am friends with both of them, the family, my friends kids and her sisters kids, all adults, were not at all receptive to this at first, it took a lot of time for them to come around.
This used to be the normally expected thing to do. In the Old Testament the brother was supposed to marry his brothers widow. We have lost that through time. Now if he is married, don't go there. But if he is single and reciprocates, well...why not?
Other countries have made it illegal but I don't think we in the USA ever had.
Very common I think for people to wind up with dead spouse's single best friend. Nothing wrong with winding up with dead spouse's single sibling. But do take it very slowly, to make sure that there's more there than just shared grieving, which is not enough to base a marriage on.
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