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Check on body donation to local medical schools. My wife did this. I plan on the same. They remove the remains within a few hours (your decision when) of death. My family gathered to say goodbye to her within a few hours of her death then the university showed up to remove the body. The school has a memorial service once a year for those that did such the prior year. It was a very touching, non-religious service. The theme was we thank you and your loved one for furthering medical science. They have a small memorial garden where one can sit and do whatever. There is no cost for all of this.
One can always have a private memorial service/party for the deceased as did one of my friend's wife when he did the same donation. She did the service at a funeral home a week or so after his death.
I had a dear uncle who told me to never walk on graves because of that. He said there was a lot of nonsense about ghosts and bad luck, but the real reason was sometimes the very old ones collapsed.
My mother given a nice service that was the least expensive and it still cost 10k. Too much money. And they wanted to put her in the ground with hand prints on the coffin. I mean, my dad was a woodworker, what would he think? (Yeah, apparently I went a little nuts again and wiped down her coffin before it went into the earth. My dad died in 1981)
I am torn over this. I don’t think it’s right to spend all sorts of money on this, especially because so many people aren’t in the best frame of mind to shop wisely at that point in time, but as the family genealogist, I want those burial markers to connect to.
I’ve spent wonderful times searching for my 3rd great grandfather and finding others who I wasn’t looking for. All these things people are doing to save money will be to the detriment of future family historians.
TallysMom I agree with you on the genealogy part with no markers. For us we are absolutely the end of the line. No family other than his sister and she has no interest no children for either of us. He insisted no grave for him. I might do a memorial wind chime if I can come up with a fitting design. Have our names engraved on the pipes and hung in a tree where our ashes are scattered. I know not all that permanent. More for me the living one left. So for now his plastic box Urn is in his dresser drawer next to the bed with his favorite knife collection. I need to get my service arranged. Well no service just the cremation except for getting both our ashes scattered together.
For those of you looking for Urns go on Ebay or Amazon or search the internet and get one. They charge you some thing like 90 dollars for that plastic box they call an urn. Hubby's friend was going to build a small old time casket of wood but never did. At the time you can take any vessel for the ashes and have them put them in it. Then you can transfer to the Urn you find later if you can not find one right away. I would buy ahead of time it I wanted to be put in a urn.
Check on body donation to local medical schools. My wife did this. I plan on the same. They remove the remains within a few hours (your decision when) of death. My family gathered to say goodbye to her within a few hours of her death then the university showed up to remove the body. The school has a memorial service once a year for those that did such the prior year. It was a very touching, non-religious service. The theme was we thank you and your loved one for furthering medical science. They have a small memorial garden where one can sit and do whatever. There is no cost for all of this.
One can always have a private memorial service/party for the deceased as did one of my friend's wife when he did the same donation. She did the service at a funeral home a week or so after his death.
Here in New York there was recently a scandal regarding bodies "donated" to medical schools.
My husband died suddenly five weeks ago. The funeral director did not pressure me with any type of "high pressure" sales. My husband had told me the type of burial that he wanted and we (my son and I) followed that. We selected one of the very cheapest caskets (or maybe it was the cheapest one) because my husband said that he did not want, or need, a "fancy innerspring mattress and an expensive satin liner" and specifically wanted the plainest wooden casket that did not seal (as my husband believed in "dust to dust".) There was absolutely NO pressure to buy something more expensive. YMMV
When we selected the grave liner (required by the cemetery) the funeral director actually suggested the cheapest cement liner ( specifically, because it did not seal).
Now, I did have to compromise on embalming. Due to a variety of factors we needed to schedule the funeral multiple days after the death, and to have an open casket hubby needed to be embalmed.
I also helped plan both of my parents funerals (at a different funeral home) and there was absolutely no pressure to select expensive caskets or extra "frills". We were shown all price ranges and made our selection in private. YMMV
BTW, my parents and my husband stronglydisagreed with being cremated so that was not considered as an option.
I just wanted to add my two cents.
Yes my family also is against cremation. To each their own
Some places if you donate your body you are responsible for paying for transportation of the body.
I live in MN and know there are a group working on green burials here but don't know what their status is at present.
My mother left $8,000 eight years ago. I had a terrible experience with the funeral home which wanted more. The owner was a man she had gone to school with and they did a beautiful job with my dad but then he retired and the kid who we dealt with wasn't family. He tried to guilt us and even called us later at home to make some gruesome comments about our choice of the least expensive coffin and liner. I can't even repeat what he said.
I promised Mom I wouldn't overspend on a funeral and she was certain that she had planned for enough and that's what I told him. He got even with us by not notifying the radio station that would have got the news out to everyone who would have wanted to come. For weeks afterwards people were asking why I didn't have it announced.
And when we were at the gravesite he came and ushered us all away from the grave before anyone was ready. He wasn't spending one more second on us than he had to.
I think back and wish I'd withdrawn my business at the first hint at the lack of cooperation. But it had been her choice and it was confusing at the time to think straight about it. I just never expected that we'd be treated so poorly.
My husband has a prepaid plan from WA state. We now live in TX. I am sure I will be needing $$$$ to transport his body back to his home. He does not believe in cremation, sadly. I do and he knows this is what I want.
We had to fly my mom and dad's ashes from the east to west coast for burial. The airlines are excellent getting all the details. Never a mishap. I'm sure when the time comes everything will work just fine. I do think the process is more common then you think - Transporting coffins.
The trick is finding a cemetery that fits your budget.
I have family that rotates their mother's urn.....yeah, it's kinda weird.
Thank you for the laugh. It reminds me of the movies where the mother's urn is up on the mantel and the cat is being chased by the dog and the cat knocks it over. . . .
I wonder if this is what she wanted done with her ashes - Still visiting everyone and being involved in family pictures. I mean there's a point when it's time to let go.
I watched a program on cremation --
I thought it neat that ashes can be mixed in paint for a painting. It sounds like they can be distributed however you want - Following the laws of course.
Some places if you donate your body you are responsible for paying for transportation of the body.
I live in MN and know there are a group working on green burials here but don't know what their status is at present.
My mother left $8,000 eight years ago. I had a terrible experience with the funeral home which wanted more. The owner was a man she had gone to school with and they did a beautiful job with my dad but then he retired and the kid who we dealt with wasn't family. He tried to guilt us and even called us later at home to make some gruesome comments about our choice of the least expensive coffin and liner. I can't even repeat what he said.
I promised Mom I wouldn't overspend on a funeral and she was certain that she had planned for enough and that's what I told him. He got even with us by not notifying the radio station that would have got the news out to everyone who would have wanted to come. For weeks afterwards people were asking why I didn't have it announced.
And when we were at the gravesite he came and ushered us all away from the grave before anyone was ready. He wasn't spending one more second on us than he had to.
I think back and wish I'd withdrawn my business at the first hint at the lack of cooperation. But it had been her choice and it was confusing at the time to think straight about it. I just never expected that we'd be treated so poorly.
Some places if you donate your body you are responsible for paying for transportation of the body.
I live in MN and know there are a group working on green burials here but don't know what their status is at present.
My mother left $8,000 eight years ago. I had a terrible experience with the funeral home which wanted more. The owner was a man she had gone to school with and they did a beautiful job with my dad but then he retired and the kid who we dealt with wasn't family. He tried to guilt us and even called us later at home to make some gruesome comments about our choice of the least expensive coffin and liner. I can't even repeat what he said.
I promised Mom I wouldn't overspend on a funeral and she was certain that she had planned for enough and that's what I told him. He got even with us by not notifying the radio station that would have got the news out to everyone who would have wanted to come. For weeks afterwards people were asking why I didn't have it announced.
And when we were at the gravesite he came and ushered us all away from the grave before anyone was ready. He wasn't spending one more second on us than he had to.
I think back and wish I'd withdrawn my business at the first hint at the lack of cooperation. But it had been her choice and it was confusing at the time to think straight about it. I just never expected that we'd be treated so poorly.
I am sorry that you had to go through that while you were still in deep mourning from loosing your Mom. Sorry for your loss.
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