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it's hard to imagine everyday life after a loved one dies. the usual routines are gone. it's vital to have a relationship that's been so much a part of your life, etc.
i lost my fiance and parent within months of each other. Ouch!
thinking of the lovely things they did with you that they would wish you would still enjoy seems to help.
grieving takes time. changes take time. self-respect in taking your time with changes. self-care, even in little ways can help.
OP, very sorry you lost your wife. Hope in the coming months you can begin the long healing process. Right now is just for grief and acceptance....
Yes, stay in bed until you feel differently....but not permanently. Basic chores and rest are all you need to do...sometimes not even that until you feel a tad better. Try to eat decent meals, take long hot showers.
Likely you are enduring some depression from such a shock. Wouldn't hurt to review some of the depression threads, for basic info. I too can't get out of bed some days for differing reasons, so I am aware how it feels...
So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 10 months ago and I understand your struggles. I have had to take tiny steps and at times live from hour to hour. I know you mentioned you don't have any pets, but my dog has been my lifeline. I was forced to get out of bed, let her out, and feed her. I am blessed that she is a certified therapy dog so she sits right next to me and petting her soothes my anxiety. We did everything together, we worked together, traveled the world and spent 24/7 after early retirement. I was totally lost. I forced myself to go to the senior center, where I talked to people, took part in some activities and volunteered. Trust me that was so difficult walking into an unknown place without him by my side, guiding me and encouraging me. I talk to neighbors when I walk the dog and if I take her into town and walk the main street, people stop and talk, as it seems the dog is a magnet for people. The libraries offer programs where you can get out. There are grief groups also, although for me I found it was difficult to move on by attending them. Since my dog is a therapy dog, we have visited schools, hospitals, etc. It is very difficult to take those first steps and I found it is important to have a small plan for the next day which gives me a reason to get up. The first step is the hardest but I know my husband would want me to continue living.
Like everyone else on here, I am very sad to hear this. I can only begin to imagine what you are feeling.
One thing I might suggest, seek some professional help or a group. When I was going through my divorce I was a mess, acting like some idiot I didn't even know. My company had a program where they would pay for 3 visits with a therapist, so I went. It was the best thing I ever did. After the 3rd visit things began to make sense to me again, and I started to see a change in myself.
Please seek out someone or a group in your area, it will help, believe me.
So very sorry for your loss. How blessed you are to have the memories of someone that meant so much to you. You can talk to us about her here if you need to. Hang on to those memories. Some days breathing is all we can do. Everything else is too much effort.
When you do feel like getting out of that bed I suggest what others have here. Do something for others. Bake cookies for neighborhood kids. Fix dinner for a working mom or an elderly neighbor. Doing for others will help YOU the more than them.
You might look at a local church that has programs for the grieving. Or groups that meet for other reason that are not religious in nature. Libraries, schools and hospitals are always looking for volunteers. Even if just an hour a week.
Hugs to you Eric. Know that others have been right where you are now and are doing better. It is a slow process and we all need to help each other.
Op, I am so sorry for your loss. After the death of my marriage (divorce) of 23 years I can tell you what helped me the most was moving far away from my ex husband and carving out a new life ,which I am currently doing. You lay in bed as long as you feel necessary . You suffered a huge loss , I am still reeling from my divorce after 2 years . You will get thru this , take care.
Op, I am so sorry for your loss. After the death of my marriage (divorce) of 23 years I can tell you what helped me the most was moving far away from my ex husband and carving out a new life ,which I am currently doing. You lay in bed as long as you feel necessary . You suffered a huge loss , I am still reeling from my divorce after 2 years . You will get thru this , take care.
This is a good point. Why not relocate to somewhere different, where you will not have memories?
I don’t have any reason to get up. It was just us, no kids. No family. We used to have friends, but not anymore, they died or moved. Our pets died, I don’t want another pet, I can’t go through that. I’m retired, have physical problems so finding a job would be hard.
I’m staying with a former coworker now, but it’s just because I don’t want to go back to my place and deal with packing and moving. He can use the money that I pay in rent, but he isn’t really someone I confide in, he’s a loner and keeps to himself. His wife left him awhile back
I’m not religious so church would not help.
Really, I don’t have a reason to get out of bed and I spend more time there each week that goes by.
Is anyone else going through this.
Hey, let's run off together and buy a house in Florida at the Villages. Just kidding of course. So MAKE A CHANGE in your life. Dang, a single fellow at TV would be a popular guy. Women outnumber men 5 to 1!!
What a lot of nice caring people on this thread.. who have all gave their time and guidance to how you might carry on in life...Didnt realize so many thought this way and cared so much about a stranger.. Who needs to pay for help when its right here on CD... good luck poster and strength be with you....One day at a time..
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