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I live in it now and I had a real sense of closure coming here, but the truth is once I felt that, every attachment I had to the place went up in smoke.
So what will you do? Will you sell and move now that the sentimental value has passed for the most part?
I live in my father's home, the he died in and that I didn't set eyes on again as my stepmother cut us all off after 33 years of marriage to my father. I wondered many times over the years how the things we planted together were doing, and so on. Imagine my surprise to get a call from my stepbrother upon his mother's death and find out I co-owned the house along with my sister and had since the day our father died. I live in it now and I had a real sense of closure coming here, but the truth is once I felt that, every attachment I had to the place went up in smoke.
Interesting. I'd be curious to know if the feeling is this overwhelming because I have no way to get back to this particular house (barring a lotto win) and this feeling would be silenced if I did.
Yes, my grandparents' house. Without going into too much lengthy detail, an aunt and I inherited it, and she bought out my half. Throughout the time right after my grandmother's death, our relationship (aunt and myself) came to an ugly end, and I no longer trust her or feel safe around her or her husband. So the one place in the world that was my safe place and where I felt loved is just gone. It was my second home, in some ways much more welcoming and safe to me than my own, for 44 years. Meanwhile, they have remodeled and changed it a lot, badmouthed me to everyone possible, put her beloved stove out as junk, ripped out flowers that meant the world to my grandmother and me, and thrown out or donated most of my grandmother's things - things that meant the world to me and were dismissed as "junk" and laughe about on the day of the funeral, which was our last chance to go there and divide up personal possessions. Some of what happened on that day would make my grandparents turn over in their grave. I was half-dissociated and numbed out, and I have not been back inside the house or even in the yard since that day, 5 years ago. It's not home anymore, just another house....the warmth and love have gone out of it.
I'm so very sorry to hear that, Emerald. I remember the feeling of my grandparents' house being my "safe zone" too. It's been since 1968 and I still miss that house. I dream of it sometimes.
Having grown up on a farm I have witnessed many drawbacks mentioned by the WIFE of the son thrilled to be on the " home farm ".
A neighbor WIFE commented her mother had warned her because her mother married the son who took out a loan so the siblings got their share of " the home farm "
She said her mother NEVER felt like the house was HER's.
All in-law holidays were to be held at the " home farm "
Any plans she had for the house, lawn , landscaping were criticized by her in-laws because it was not the way the " home farm" should look.
The neighbor's wife said her mother warned her but she didn't listen.
She married the young farmer and he bought the " home farm "
She, now in her 50's, wished they would have bought a farm elsewhere so NOBODY could make her feel like it wasn't HER home but rather THEIR " home place"
I have heard many stories like this over the years.
GREAT for the siblings, NOT great for the woman who lives in her husband's " home place "
So my parents have both passed, my Mom in April, and my Dad two weeks ago.
So not only am I a wreck because of my parents passing, the house that I grew up in, have much of my childhood memories in, and that my parents lived in since 1978 has to be sold.
This house was basically my home base until recently. Most of the holidays were spent there throughout my lifetime.
I know I have to get over this eventually, but am I way off base?
I just wanted to know if there was anyone else that had to part with a longtime home base? Everyone I talk to moved around alot so they didnt get attached to any place they grew up.
Has anyone else had to deal with such a situation?
Yes, other people have had to deal with it. When Mom died a few years ago (Dad preceded her a few years before) I felt what you felt re losing the parents and then the house, which was home base. But my parents wanted the house sold after their passing and that's what happened. The house had been in our family since the 1960's and we were the first and only occupants. I was and am still heartbroken about the sale but my siblings were more than okay with it. It was encouraging to hear you say in this thread that your attachment to the place eventually dropped. Maybe someday I will experience that. But for now I like what my daughter pointed out: "The house is still there, the neighborhood is still there. You can go by and view the area anytime. You're mourning the loss of something that is not lost!"
I'm so very sorry to hear that, Emerald. I remember the feeling of my grandparents' house being my "safe zone" too. It's been since 1968 and I still miss that house. I dream of it sometimes.
My best.
Yes, my sympathy as well.
I was lucky as soon as I left my family home, it ceased to be home....home emotionally moves with me - fortunately!, and the past is the past.
Well, I confess that I look at my childhood home occasionally on Redfin. I hope to catch it when it goes up for sale, so I can have a look at the interior.
My parents moved from the home decades ago though. So their deaths are not tied to my childhood home.
To the OP: I think that as you remove personal effects from the house, and as you dispose of their furniture, I think you will feel less tied to it. This is a process.
I am sorry for your loss. May your memories always sustain you.
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home base gone
