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I have a lawyer that prepared my own will and have appointed an executor. He is not "my lawyer" per se as I do not have the means to retain one for this purpose. In both cases with these friends, I have full discretion to dispose of their estate as I see fit. In one case, there are a couple of co-executors and a brother who can assist. The other one has a beloved dog and I will ask her what she wants me to do with her.
I just feel that when and if the time comes (and it will) that I may not have the mobility and energy to fulfill the duties. I will communicate this to them ASAP and see what we can do to remedy the situation.
My own executor is a younger relative and she will be as overwhelmed as I am. I'm going to try to simplify as much as I can for her (sell the house etc.) but she knows to contact my estate planner for assistance.
First, this is the correct forum for the questions. A general overview of what is required of an executor can be helpful to those tasked with it while in grief. If someone doesn't want to open the thread, that is fine. As per usual, best manners in discussion are appropriate.
syulita, it appears that you are considering that you might not be up to the task. In such a case, a frank discussion with those friends is in order, for your sake and theirs. Also, I cringed at the idea of co-executors. That can be a setup for bad feelings and fighting. Being an executor means that you have to follow the laws as set by probate court. If you have never been one before, some of those might come as a shock, and some of the estate settling might take much more time than you anticipate.
Begging off is an option. In some instances, if an estate is small and a will is in place, probate court may not even be required. I guess that the advice I would offer is to educate yourself now, and than make any decision after you have a full understanding of what will be expected.
First, this is the correct forum for the questions. A general overview of what is required of an executor can be helpful to those tasked with it while in grief. If someone doesn't want to open the thread, that is fine. As per usual, best manners in discussion are appropriate.
syulita, it appears that you are considering that you might not be up to the task. In such a case, a frank discussion with those friends is in order, for your sake and theirs. Also, I cringed at the idea of co-executors. That can be a setup for bad feelings and fighting. Being an executor means that you have to follow the laws as set by probate court. If you have never been one before, some of those might come as a shock, and some of the estate settling might take much more time than you anticipate.
Begging off is an option. In some instances, if an estate is small and a will is in place, probate court may not even be required. I guess that the advice I would offer is to educate yourself now, and than make any decision after you have a full understanding of what will be expected.
Thank you! I will have the discussion with my friends. I really don't care about the money, the possessions etc. If the co-executors want to do something different, that's ok. I know both my friends do not care. nor do I. Whatever my family wants, is OK with me. And I know they both feel the same way. Take care of the dog, and we're good.
I just worry about all the details of getting rid of their stuff, as I do mine.
First, this is the correct forum for the questions. A general overview of what is required of an executor can be helpful to those tasked with it while in grief. If someone doesn't want to open the thread, that is fine. As per usual, best manners in discussion are appropriate.
syulita, it appears that you are considering that you might not be up to the task. In such a case, a frank discussion with those friends is in order, for your sake and theirs. Also, I cringed at the idea of co-executors. That can be a setup for bad feelings and fighting. Being an executor means that you have to follow the laws as set by probate court. If you have never been one before, some of those might come as a shock, and some of the estate settling might take much more time than you anticipate.
Begging off is an option. In some instances, if an estate is small and a will is in place, probate court may not even be required. I guess that the advice I would offer is to educate yourself now, and than make any decision after you have a full understanding of what will be expected.
Thank you harry chickpea! I will be re-assessing whether I'm capable of discharging my duties. The poster who objected could have just bypassed it. Nobody asked her to re-hash her experience. I just wanted some help prior to losing my dear friends. Truth is, I'm in such a sorry state, I will most likely go before them!
Than you need to conversations with them and discuss all the details. This is definitely a situation where you talk frankly.
Of course. But still, without the loved one there to guide, it's still an enormous task. We have discussed everything, but that framed art on the wall, the sheets on the bed, the pots in the garden - no. I know I'll be able to find a way to dispose/donate etc. but still... the task is huge.
Of course. But still, without the loved one there to guide, it's still an enormous task. We have discussed everything, but that framed art on the wall, the sheets on the bed, the pots in the garden - no. I know I'll be able to find a way to dispose/donate etc. but still... the task is huge.
I don't want to minimize the work involved in settling an estate, but it can be made much easier through good preparation. My old Boss knew he was on the way out years in advance (bad ticker, on a transplant list), so he created an extremely detailed folder with instructions, financial account details, etc., it was like following a recipe in a cookbook for his daughter. He even pre-planned his funeral, right down to what he would be wearing (he was buried in a formal tux, with a red rose on his lapel; he was quite a character whom I still miss twenty-two years later).
On the other hand, your apprehension is justified since you cannot know what your own condition will be when you are called upon to perform this service, and also because of the physical distances involved. And because of that, you would be completely justified to have Come-to-Jesus meetings with your two friends, explaining your concerns; in fact, you would be doing them a disservice not to. In a perfect world, one would choose an Executor who is at least ten years younger than they themselves are. Perhaps you could act as an "advisory" position for a younger Executor, not having fixed legal responsibilities, but being there as someone who could speak for the interest of the deceased if requested. Know that if you are the only person your friends know and trust to do this (and this is quite a compliment, by the way), you may also be a significant beneficiary of the estates.
Relatedly, know that an Executor has quite a bit of leeway in how they dispose of assets. For instance, a quarter or more of the value of the house could be lost if an Executor chooses to take the much easier path of selling a home to a house flipping service vs. having it prepared and sold through a realtor, if they are instructed to liquidate the estate prior to distribution rather than the house simply being left to a beneficiary. So how the will is structured will have a significant effect on how much work is involved in settling the estate; it would be much easier if the will states "My home (at address) plus all contents shall be left to my niece Sally", rather than, "My home plus all contents shall be sold and the proceeds split between my four nieces and nephews". The flip side to this is that at their time of passing, many people don't even own a home, they have transitioned to assisted living or an apartment, which would greatly lessen the load. Do you have a copy of the will or trust?
Communication with your friends is required here, and the sooner, the better. Again, it is a testament to your good character that you are concerned about this.
I'm glad you guys are mentioning to OP maybe should have a talk with the friends and try to get them to change their minds. That was what I really wanted to say in my post but held back because I thought people would jump on me for being a witch.
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