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This is not really about the emotional part, but the practical part. I am female, have two lifelong friends in different cities. Both have entrusted me with end of life decisions/wills/keys etc. I am honored, but truth be told, if I got word that either of them have died, I haven't a clue where to begin settling things for them. One has some family and friends and that will help, the other, none. Travel is really hard on me although they each live within a 2-3 flight from me.
I want to do right by them if and when it happens, like I said, but I have no idea where to start. One has a lawyer and that will help, but then what? Both own homes and cars, one has a pet dog. Don't care about home/car values, just want to do the right thing.
Where do I stay? Who to contact? Where to start? What to do to start settling everything? And who to turn it over to if I get overwhelmed, which is likely?
I don't mean any disrespect to the OP, but I think this is more suited in the non-romantic relationships forum or maybe there is a forum that talks about death or wills or something. This forum is for people who are actually grieving and mourning a loved one. My husband died suddenly about three years ago and it would cause me intense pain to rehash all that I had to go through to "settle things up" after he died.
I don't mean any disrespect to the OP, but I think this is more suited in the non-romantic relationships forum or maybe there is a forum that talks about death or wills or something. This forum is for people who are actually grieving and mourning a loved one. My husband died suddenly about three years ago and it would cause me intense pain to rehash all that I had to go through to "settle things up" after he died.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please ignore the post. You're right. Had no idea where to put it. The fact is I would be grieving, but still dealing with the practical issues. MODS, move this thread wherever you deem appropriate.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please ignore the post. You're right. Had no idea where to put it. The fact is I would be grieving, but still dealing with the practical issues. MODS, move this thread wherever you deem appropriate.
It's okay. I understand your dilemma. And thank you for taking my post as it was meant.
I don't mean any disrespect to the OP, but I think this is more suited in the non-romantic relationships forum or maybe there is a forum that talks about death or wills or something. This forum is for people who are actually grieving and mourning a loved one. My husband died suddenly about three years ago and it would cause me intense pain to rehash all that I had to go through to "settle things up" after he died.
You could also just bypass the thread.
I wouldn't know where to post a question like that either, OP. I would probably do the same.....put it in a death forum. Maybe you would have better luck in the non-relationship forum. IDK, I don't go there. Either way, good luck in finding some direction.
Last edited by tamiznluv; 03-17-2019 at 09:35 AM..
Not to be calloused or disrespectful here to the OP, but good friends should not put their good friends... in this type of situation. The OP's "friends" really need to resolve her anxieties BEFORE their demise.
IMO, the "friends" mentioned in the OP should have their executors/executrix (E's) already appointed along with their current wills made out. To which the E's will have access to, upon the time of their death thereafter.
Those wills SHOULD state how and to whom, the estate is distributed. The wills may even have to be probated in court.
The E's bear the responsibility of settling all the affairs about debts/estate/properties left behind from the deceased.
Anyone that is not the executor or that does not have their name stated on their will, has no legal obligations or legal position...to do anything with the deceased property/belongings.
And if one is NOT an E or has their name on the will, they may be in for a surprise when trying to settle a "friends" estate for them.
As to pets and really personal items, those people the deceased wants to have them need to be notified to get them and already have it arranged to HOW to get them. Because someone out here, may show up and contest their "friends" every move to settle the estate, once they find out the deceased just MAY have been related to them. Good Luck to the OP and JMO
Not to be calloused or disrespectful here to the OP, but good friends should not put their good friends... in this type of situation. The OP's "friends" really need to resolve her anxieties BEFORE their demise.
IMO, the "friends" mentioned in the OP should have their executors/executrix (E's) already appointed along with their current wills made out. To which the E's will have access to, upon the time of their death thereafter.
Those wills SHOULD state how and to whom, the estate is distributed. The wills may even have to be probated in court.
The E's bear the responsibility of settling all the affairs about debts/estate/properties left behind from the deceased.
Anyone that is not the executor or that does not have their name stated on their will, has no legal obligations or legal position...to do anything with the deceased property/belongings.
And if one is NOT an E or has their name on the will, they may be in for a surprise when trying to settle a "friends" estate for them.
As to pets and really personal items, those people the deceased wants to have them need to be notified to get them and already have it arranged to HOW to get them. Because someone out here, may show up and contest their "friends" every move to settle the estate, once they find out the deceased just MAY have been related to them. Good Luck to the OP and JMO
I should have made that clear in my OP. I HAVE been named executor for both of them.
I should have made that clear in my OP. I HAVE been named executor for both of them.
I see, very good then. You can be compensated monetarily for your executrix work done which should help you with any financial burdens of doing the work.
But to prepare, I would contact these "friends" and get specifics from them what they expect to be done with their estate/pets, everything down to the table lamps. And have them document their requests and sign/date them.
And after this is done, if you still feel overwhelmed by it all, its time to back out of the friendly duty that has been bestowed on you. Then, live your life happy and without the worry of some else's passing...causing you so much anxiety.
Being the executor for any death / will is a really, really tough job no matter what the situation is and it gets worse as you age. Been there, done that.
My advice is to engage your own lawyer to guide you while these people are still alive!!! Do it ASAP!!!
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