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my mom died a few months ago but no one even told me until recently. I hadnt heard from my sister in a long time and finally got ahold of her through her husband's family.
I have been feeling depressed and pretty lost. The last time we talked was pretty bad. we never really got along and she had a bunch of problems. She drank and did drugs. She ODed but it was on accident not on purpose.
I guess I thought I was gonna have more time with her. I thought we would make up. I tried calling her last year to talk but she never called me back. I knew she thought I was a piece of crap that would never amount to anything.
I just always wanted to prove something to her and make her proud of me. Also sometimes I really need her. I want to hear her voice. I really miss her. And now she's gone. I just feel really alone in the world.
I just hate that she died and I didnt get a chance to do something to make her love me again.
Please try to find a support group through a local church, funeral home, hospital or hospice organization in your area. My local hospice organization has a weekly group specifically for adults who have lost a parent. They are free and ran by a trained grief counselor.
Good luck to you. I am sending virtual hugs to you.
I'm sorry to hear that Belle. My mom passed just a couple of years ago; it was tough and still hurts. I think in your case about all you can do is remember the positive moments together and think well of her. Don't let her passing stop you from having a better future. Look forward as if you actually would have got back together at some point.
We don't get to pick our parents, and sometimes we get brought here by people who just aren't equipped to give us what we need to grow up feeling loved.
I hope that, if nothing else, you understand that you couldn't make your mom love you, but you shouldn't have to either. She had problems, and you know that. But you've done really well considering all that.
My mom died unexpectedly a couple years ago, and we had problems but I miss her too. I missed her this morning when I was thinking about making a recipe that I knew she was really good at.
Your mom's problems were hers, and while it kept her from being the mom you needed, you can't let it make you think that you weren't a good enough kid for her. That's just not true.
Belle, it's hard, especially since you were estranged. My son and I were also estranged when he died. He had a mental illness which caused delusions and to keep myself safe I did not let him know where I lived.
It's a tough place to be, when you love a person but don't have the chance to talk to them before they're gone. It will take you awhile to come to terms with this. I always hoped the Dr's would find the right combination of medications to help with my sons paranoia and delusions, but it wasn't to be.
Let yourself grieve. It doesn't matter how long it takes or what the circumstances were, you have the right and the need to grieve.
my mom died a few months ago but no one even told me until recently. I hadnt heard from my sister in a long time and finally got ahold of her through her husband's family.
I have been feeling depressed and pretty lost. The last time we talked was pretty bad. we never really got along and she had a bunch of problems. She drank and did drugs. She ODed but it was on accident not on purpose.
I guess I thought I was gonna have more time with her. I thought we would make up. I tried calling her last year to talk but she never called me back. I knew she thought I was a piece of crap that would never amount to anything.
I just always wanted to prove something to her and make her proud of me. Also sometimes I really need her. I want to hear her voice. I really miss her. And now she's gone. I just feel really alone in the world.
I just hate that she died and I didnt get a chance to do something to make her love me again.
sorry I just wanted to tell someone.
belle woods, so very sorry for you loss and I am deeply sorry that you missed out on having a relationship with your mother because I understand what you were deprived of. Our family of children had a great mother (and father as well).
Go forward and make yourself into the best possible person that you can be. Love yourself, respect yourself and someday, forgive your mother for her inadequacies as a mother which had nothing at all to do with you.
Best wishes to you now and for the rest of your life, sincerely.
my mom died a few months ago but no one even told me until recently. I hadnt heard from my sister in a long time and finally got ahold of her through her husband's family.
I have been feeling depressed and pretty lost. The last time we talked was pretty bad. we never really got along and she had a bunch of problems. She drank and did drugs. She ODed but it was on accident not on purpose.
I guess I thought I was gonna have more time with her. I thought we would make up. I tried calling her last year to talk but she never called me back. I knew she thought I was a piece of crap that would never amount to anything.
I just always wanted to prove something to her and make her proud of me. Also sometimes I really need her. I want to hear her voice. I really miss her. And now she's gone. I just feel really alone in the world.
I just hate that she died and I didnt get a chance to do something to make her love me again.
sorry I just wanted to tell someone.
For what is worth, you need to know that your mom loved you in her own way until her disease of addiction replaced that love with a horrible affliction.
We don’t know the intimate details which might have led your mother to a substance abuse and an addiction.
Abuse? Mental illness? Both? Forgive her
As to the regrets of not making that final mother- daughter connection before her death- Forgive yourself
it was not the right time? It was not totally up to you? You can’t fight an addiction when a person is not ready to quit?
Once you forgive your Mom and yourself: just let yourself grieve for your Mom and for all good that could have happened, but didn’t
Remember and cherish the good things, however small that could be.
Promise yourself not to repeat your Mom’s mistakes.
Maybe in some weird way in this Universe your Mom had to “sacrifice” her life to show you an example of how not to live your life- still, a very valuable gift from your mom to you.
Build your life the best you can to show and “prove” to your Mom that you appreciate and heed that gift of her unfortunate life.
Recognize the blessing you have...
Good luck!
They say that alcoholics and drug addicts are nothing more than slow suicides in motion. And I've lost a few good friends in that fashion, and what's surprising with this "crowd" is if you bring up the idea of suicide, it's almost comical to hear their reactions. Why would someone want to do that to themselves, as they pour themselves another drink.
And your Father? How did he put up with this through their marriage? Still alive?
belle woods, I am very sorry to hear of your mom's passing and the regrets you have.
Remember, HER addiction was HER choice and it was NOT YOUR FAULT. It wasn't because you were unlovable, it was because she did not know how to love you properly because of her addiction.
Time will heal. It's taken me 27 years but I don't blame my mother as much as I used to. I now realize she did love me but the pills got in the way.
Be gentler to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for something you had no control of or choice in.
Namaste and hugs.
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