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a lot of people have said listening, to that I would also add:
i have found it is helpful to simply say, "Tell me about him, what was he like" and allow her to tell stories of whatever she wants to remember.
A female friend of mine at the job lost her young son last year. She told me that yesterday on Mother's Day she cried all day because she is still mourning his loss. I told her I'd pray for her and held her hand very briefly and tried to comfort her that way. What else can/should I do to make her feel better?
If you've only known her a short time, please hold off on the religious comments.
I lost my husband at a young age, and honestly? The last thing I wanted to hear was that it was "God's Will".
On the other hand, just letting her talk about her son is helpful. It's really really awkward when you want to talk about your loved ones, and people try to change the subject. Death is tricky because we all have to do it, and yet it makes people soooo uncomfortable.
If you've only known her a short time, please hold off on the religious comments.
I lost my husband at a young age, and honestly? The last thing I wanted to hear was that it was "God's Will".
On the other hand, just letting her talk about her son is helpful. It's really really awkward when you want to talk about your loved ones, and people try to change the subject. Death is tricky because we all have to do it, and yet it makes people soooo uncomfortable.
I only brought up the religious stuff because she told me that she goes to church and where she goes. I am really not a churchgoer myself, but I am very spiritual and pray a lot.
And I would never tell anyone that anything is God's will. That's up to them and their God to figure out on their own.
Any parent who has lost a child is inconsolable and will NEVER get over that loss. However, over time she may be able to heal and get back to some sort of normal life again. Each person has their own way and own time that they cope with that sort of loss. My wife and I lost a son back in 2007. She grieved for two years before she was able to actually talk about him without breaking down. I blocked the grieving process and didn't cope with it until later on.
Excellent post. My condolences to all of you who have posted here that have also lost a child or a spouse. We also lost our only child, a son, back in 2001, at age 16. I would also say that you never get over it, but you can get back to some sort of normal and have some joy again, as Coolhand said above. For me, it was also about 2 years before I felt even close to "normal" again. And "normal" is changed forever. Even today, eight years later, I still think of him every day and miss him. Also, Mother's Day is a hard day for someone who has lost a child. Particularly the first few after the death.
People differ, but it's been my experience (including my own) that most people do want to talk about their child and even (cringe!) the circumstances surrounding their death. Most people are very skittish about the subject, but trust me, you are NOT reminding the person of their loss and thereby, making them sad. They think about it every day whether anyone mentions it or not. And yes, as someone else said, their tears are not to be feared.
At about five years out, I wrote and published a little grief recovery book for bereaved parents. I know not everyone is a "reader" but I am and was. When my son died, I wanted to read about how other people who specifically had lost children, felt, how they coped. At the time, I found a lot of material on grief, but very little specifically written by bereaved parents themselves. That's why I wrote the book. If anyone would like a copy, please pm me an address and I would be happy to send you one for free.
Sounds like you did fine, Lucario. Thanks for caring.
Quick update. Yesterday she started talking about her son with me. She really opened up about her grief and her pain, and showed me some pix on her children on her phone, and she almost had me crying myself. I just sat with her and listened to what she had to say. Then she told me that she really hurt bad because she couldn't find any counseling. I told her that she could always talk to me anytime and that I would help her find a counselor. It really hurts me to see her in such pain. I feel that all I can do is what I am doing, which is to provide a sympathetic ear and shoulder to cry on.
I know I am a latecomer here but the best thing you can do is let her talk about him and just be there.
It is not something that will go away for her and the first two years are horrible.
You are a good friend.
I lost my beloved wife 14 years ago. Only a very few people were kind enough to bring her up in conversation so I could talk about her. Yeah, I cried. I felt great about it. One old high school friend of hers called me out of the blue one afternoon to say she was sorry to hear of her death. We talked for two hours. She didn't know it (I don't think), but I cried the whole damn time. I don't remember the gal's name, but I'll never forget her kindness to me, just talking about my wife's younger years before I knew her and listening to me talk about her years with me.
Don't be afraid of her tears. Many of them are tears of joy while remembering the good times. I'd ask her if she'd mind telling you about her son. If she says she'd rather not, just tell her that if she ever changes her mind to let you know.
Here's ^^^ your perfect answer, OP. Thank you, Wyo.
When someone is grieving, don't worry about making them cry. They're going to cry whether you provoke it or not, and they will feel relieved to not have to hold it in and pretend everything is okay when it is not.
HR will be more interested on why Lucario is melting for this lady LMAO
sometimes you're funny - this was inappropriate, IMO.
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Death is tricky because we all have to do it, and yet it makes people soooo uncomfortable.
I am really not a churchgoer myself, but I am very spiritual and pray a lot. 
Losing a child....
Even today, eight years later, I still think of him every day and miss him. Also, Mother's Day is a hard day for someone who has lost a child. Particularly the first few after the death.
LMAO
