Military Spouse...its ok to vent group!

smhorn, Yes it does take two to make a relationship work, and I have been saying that for awhile now, even last night, but are you saying he's not willing to and he his home or he is not doing as much because he is deployed? I know if anger creeps in and plants a seed it will cause much resentment and that is going to cause major factors on both sides. Action no matter who does what first always gets a reaction. I think both of you are speaking negative towards each others love language. We all do it but until we understand what that language is, we collide. Is he gone or at home?

Ok, yes a marraige takes 100%, but if one party is not willing to participate you can't make them and it does take two to make a relationship work.

I can give some good support on both sides of this if anyone wants some or understanding of whats in a soldiers mind. Been there done that. 1.5 tour in Korea. I went through alot being separated, its not just them that changes, its also the home front. remember ur still a team no matter what.

Hi. I am new to the group, I am a Marine wife, husband has been in almost 24 years, but only married 11 of those. We are stationed in North Carolina and have a son who is 9. He is currently not deployed but we have had our share, this January he will be back 1 year after a1 year deployment.

Well here goes heres who I am. I am an Army wife I stay at home and we have 3 kids and he has one from his first marriage. We have 1 puppy and 1 cat. Our kids are 2,2,5,15. Our oldest 2yr old has a terminal seizure disorder. He is having brain surgery on the 11th which is also his 3rd birthday. I am just feeling completely overwhelmed and need a place ot vent. I am looking for someone to blame I guess and the only person I can find is myself. Stupid huh? I have fallen behind in house work and can't decide whether to get closer with him or pull away. That part I know is nuts. I know he will come home different we have already been told this by the Dr. The husband dosen't talk about it alot his way of dealing with it I guess. Well if ya got anything to say let me have it. Thanks for reading.

You don't, you learn to grow and adapt. Your just in a rut. Pick your self up and dust off. A marriage is not 50%/50% it's both giving 100%. It sounds like he needs to step up to the plate. Have you tried to spice things up in the bedroom? Grab his attention and get him to refocus on you. Get a hobby...something you both would enjoy. Have "date night" once a month it helps to look forward to something. Start writing him little notes and leaving it next to the odometer in the morning wishing him a wonderful day.

Guess I'll be the first... how do you stop your husband from changing? We've been married 12yrs and I have a 20yr daughter(which gave me a 2mth old grandbaby) We're still in our mid 30's and "use to" talk about having a family, but our past situations have change alot of things and although, we get along well(which might sound weird)its not the same and most of the time I feel like we are roommates more than anything! He has 2 very large dogs, that he is absolutely crazy over, he treats them better than most people, including myself! By this I mean, he shows them such passionate kindness and care, these are his babies and there are times I really wonder, if he is with me because when he is off doing military stuff (often)I take care of the dogs and he knows they're being treated well. The sex is like 3x's a month(and its not me) that's when he's home... I really love being married to him, but I feel like I'm fighting a one sided battle. I've tried to talk to him and he says,"nothing is wrong!" (but I feel it is) We've done the Family Counseling thing (couple of years ago)in regards to the past situations and he don't want to go to anymore. What do I do, I'm in Va (never left the east coast)and now we get a duty station for Ft.Hood, TX.(2-4yrs) I would like to know what anyone thinks about this?