Is dating life better for Asian-American men in Hawaii? (house, public school)

[Jonny08]

Originally Posted by BeauCharles

Probably just simple demographics. Whites are only 25% of Hawaii's population. Less likelihood of marrying one just by virtue of that fact. Doubt it's all this conjecture about how they act or are perceived (for either race).

And Asians are only 14% of California's population. It is much more common to see white male/Asian female couples in California than in Hawaii, yet it is pretty rare to see Asian male/white female couples in either state (although I did see it more in Hawaii). If what you're saying is true, there should be many Asian male/white female couples in Hawaii, but there aren't.

[Jonny08]

Things I’ve either experienced or have heard about from numerous others that Whites, but not Asians, have to deal with in Hawaii:

- Getting poor service or ignored in public places such as restaurants
- Kids getting picked on and having a difficult time making friends in school just because they’re white
- (In rare cases) getting threatened or beat up for no reason other than their race
- Not getting a job because 1. Ether consciously or unconsciously, employers have negative stereotypes about whites such as being difficult to work with, selfish, rude, impatient, too loud, etc. or 2. Employers simply want to “hire their own” meaning giving preference to Asians and/or Pacific Islanders
- Locals assuming they’re a tourist
- Being called a Haole, which more times than not is used to describe Whites in a negative way
- Family and friends frowning upon Asian women who date or marry White guys
- Being told to go back to the mainland and how Hawaii was better off before white people arrived
- Not being allowed into the predominantly Asian clubs or being forced to pay extra to get in
- Young military men stationed in Hawaii in particular being disliked due to their reputation for being rude, un-classy, disrespectful towards Hawaiian culture, etc.
- Not fitting the image of a typical Hawaii resident and as a result always being seen as an outsider

You can find many people talking about the aforementioned points on this site and others.

Things Asians in California have to deal with:
- Everyone assuming they’re foreign and may not speak English well
- Men assumed to fit endless negative stereotypes such as being: un-masculine, shy, nerdy, socially awkward, video game geeks, not fun to be around, having small penises
- Women saying most Asian men are too short
- People assuming they’re good at doing what they’re told but make poor leaders, which is partly why Asians have a difficult time advancing to high management positions, and as a result not getting pay raises. See the “bamboo ceiling”
- Affirmative action that makes it more difficult to get into colleges or get jobs compared to people of all other races
- Being subject to the “model minority stereotype” which assumes that all Asian-Americans are well-off and therefore need no special benefits like Blacks and Hispanic, even though certain groups of Asians (Cambodian, Hmong, and Laotian) have comparable poverty rates to Blacks and Hispanics
- Being subject to anti-Asian rhetoric (China is evil, they’re taking our jobs, we should do whatever we can to prevent their raise). And it doesn’t help that many Americans can’t tell the difference between Chinese people and other east Asians or think all Asians are the same anyway.
- Not fitting the image of a typical American and being seeing as an outsider

Do you see why many women find White men in Hawaii and Asian men in California to be less attractive?

[KaraBenNemsi]

Originally Posted by Jonny08

Do you see why many women find White men in Hawaii and Asian men in California to be less attractive?

Man, let me tell you, you are getting nowhere in finding partners based on statistics! You would probably end up in lower Manhattan as a dude and as a gal with the fishers in Alaska. And be sorry for yourself with how you are being perceived anyways.

How about trying to find that one special person for you only? Instead of finding a whole slew of them. Searching for a crowd will inevitably confront you with stereotypes. Because that's what crowds do.

She's out there, but it's a one-on-one quest. Your search for HER will charm her. Not your search for a world without stereotypes.

[Jonny08]

Originally Posted by KaraBenNemsi

Man, let me tell you, you are getting nowhere in finding partners based on statistics! You would probably end up in lower Manhattan as a dude and as a gal with the fishers in Alaska. And be sorry for yourself with how you are being perceived anyways.

How about trying to find that one special person for you only? Instead of finding a whole slew of them. Searching for a crowd will inevitably confront you with stereotypes. Because that's what crowds do.

She's out there, but it's a one-on-one quest. Your search for HER will charm her. Not your search for a world without stereotypes.

I’m not trying to find a partner based on stats and I generally enjoyed my time living in Hawaii and California. I’m simply giving my observations to offer a possible explanation for the OP’s question. It’s a fact that a much higher percentage of Asian women in California date and marry non-Asian men compared to Asian women in Hawaii, while it’s relatively rare for Asian men to date and marry non-Asian women in either state. The difference is significant enough that it certainly is not just happening by random chance.

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb by saying that many women, all else being equal, prefer a man who is generally treated with respect over one who is in some ways treated like a second-class citizen.

Of course something that is true, on average, for a population will not always be true for an individual.

I’m not searching for a world without stereotypes. I believe stereotypes will exist anywhere that has a diverse population, but simply saying to ignore stereotypes won’t make the stereotypes disappear. Telling a White person in Hawaii or an Asian person in California who regularly faces discrimination to just pretend it doesn’t exist won’t make the discrimination disappear.

[McFrostyJ]

Originally Posted by Jonny08

Telling a White person in Hawaii or an Asian person in California who regularly faces discrimination to just pretend it doesn’t exist won’t make the discrimination disappear.

What white person in Hawaii regularly faces discrimination?

I have my father's Irish white skin. I have spent a lot of time in Hawaii and have been to all of the main islands except Kahoʻolawe. I have never faced this discrimination that you speak of.

I am not saying that there aren't racists in Hawaii. I am not saying that there aren't any white people there who have experienced racism against them. However, on a regular basis? I am not buying that.

[Jonny08]

Originally Posted by McFrostyJ

What white person in Hawaii regularly faces discrimination?

When in school, I saw white kids regularly getting picked on and being called “f****** Haoles” while the non-whites were left alone. Some parents send their kids to expensive private schools just so that they can escape the racism. Adults may not be as cruel, but still face discrimination, some of which is not overt. It may be locals being friendly towards Asians and Pacific Islanders while ignoring and having no interest in befriending whites.

Also, I’m primarily describing Oahu, which is the only island in which Asians and Pacific Islanders greatly outnumber whites and I’ve heard Oahu is the most racist against whites. Have you actually lived on Oahu for an extended amount of time? People who are not won’t face some of the problems because they probably aren’t applying for jobs, making long-term friends, or enrolling kids in school, for example. Also, tourists usually are treated better because they help the economy and people are paid to be nice to them. Have you ever been to the far western part of Oahu? I’ll just say there are certain areas where non-local whites should probably avoid unless they are with Asian or Pacific Islander locals.

Anyway, don't take my word for it. There are plenty of discussions on this site about whites complaining about racism they face in Hawaii.

[whtviper1]

Originally Posted by Jonny08

Also, I’m primarily describing Oahu, which is the only island in which Asians and Pacific Islanders greatly outnumber whites and I’ve heard Oahu is the most racist against whites. Have you actually lived on Oahu for an extended amount of time?

I've lived here for an extended period and can't say I've experienced any racism on Oahu.....

The way you describe it, you'd think Oahu today is like Selma, Alabama for African-Americans in the mid-1960's.

[McFrostyJ]

Originally Posted by Jonny08

When in school, I saw white kids regularly getting picked on and being called “f****** Haoles” while the non-whites were left alone.

No, I did not go to school there. However, I know people who happen to be white that did. From what I have been told yes, sometimes they were picked on. But it wasn't nearly as bad as you describe. In fact I would say that what I went through here on the mainland was far worse always being picked on for being the new kid because my Dad loved to move around. That said, I am sure there were kids in Hawaii who did have it just as bad as I did and even worse. That might have been because they were white, Asian, fat, skinny, short, tall, smart, dumb... Sadly, some kids are cruel and will find any reason to pick on another. All of it is wrong, in Hawaii or on the mainland.

Originally Posted by Jonny08

I’m primarily describing Oahu, which is the only island in which Asians and Pacific Islanders greatly outnumber whites and I’ve heard Oahu is the most racist against whites.

Where did you hear this?

Originally Posted by Jonny08

Have you actually lived on Oahu for an extended amount of time?

No. My mother was born there and I still have family there. I spend 2 to 6 weeks a year in Hawaii but not all of it is on Oahu.

Originally Posted by Jonny08

Have you ever been to the far western part of Oahu?

Yes. Wonderful beaches! There aren't many areas that I have not spent time in on Oahu. I like to get out and talk to people. People from all walks of life. From the rich person who lives near Lanikai Beach to the homeless person who lives in a tent out near Mākaha Beach. It is amazing what you can learn by sitting on a park bench and talking to a stranger.

For example, did you know that there are some homeless people in Hawaii that get up in the morning, go use a public bathroom to clean up and then go to work? I have seen quite a few like this.

There are rough areas in Hawaii, just like almost anywhere on the mainland.

Originally Posted by Jonny08

Anyway, don't take my word for it. There are plenty of discussions on this site about whites complaining about racism they face in Hawaii.

I have seen a lot more racism in Oregon then I have seen in Hawaii. To be fair, I have also spent more time in Oregon than I have in Hawaii.

[Jonny08]

Originally Posted by whtviper1

I've lived here for an extended period and can't say I've experienced any racism on Oahu.....

The way you describe it, you'd think Oahu today is like Selma, Alabama for African-Americans in the mid-1960's.

Well, good for you. I have white friends who've voiced various complaints about racism on Oahu and I've seen some of it myself. I'm not saying the list of problems I gave are all common, but it happens. For example, I was in line at a night club and the bouncer literally picked out my white friends and told them they couldn't enter while my Asian friends and I could. And that is not the only time I've seen that happen.

I'm also not saying that being white on Oahu is all bad. Many whites love living on Oahu. I'm Asian and I listed various issues that Asians in California face and yet, overall I had a great time when I lived there.

[Mikala43]

I'm half white and have experienced almost no racism, my husband is white, white, white, and has experienced a little more mostly at surfing spots.

I can guarantee you that the other minorities get into more fights at school, then the whites. The private schools have a lot of minorities also.