Bedside manner: Am I asking too much? (sinus, infection, blood pressure)
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I'm 70 years old, so I've been to a number of doctors during my life. I found a new internist about four years ago and really liked him a lot. This past summer, I got a letter from him saying he was closing his practice and moving out of state. That's the third or fourth time I've had that happen -- i.e. losing a doctor I really liked. Anyway, I don't have any really serious medical issues, but I thought I probably ought to find a new internist now, before I do end up sick. I like to go in for an annual physical and it was getting close to time to do that.
Anyway, I looked online for internists in my area who were covered by my insurance and had high patient ratings. I found one and called his office just last week and was surprised that they could get me in today. I had my first appointment today. After I'd finished filling out all of the new patient paperwork, his nurse took me back to an exam room, where she took my blood pressure and asked me a few questions. Five minutes or so later, the doctor came in.
When he opened the door to the exam room, he didn't smile, introduce himself, shake my hand or address me by name. He was very "professional" in how he talked to me, but was extremely serious throughout the entire half hour during which he was with me. I attempted to lighten up the conversation a couple of times, but he had absolutely zero personality. Throughout the visit, he did not smile even once. Much of the time, his back was to me while he was entering information on his computer. Finally, when he was through with the exam, he said, "Okay, well it was nice to meet you." No handshake in parting, either. I almost thought he might be afraid of catching something from me, even though I wasn't sick at all.
Over the years, I have had two Ob-Gyns, two internists, and two orthopedic surgeons who were all excellent doctors (in terms of their knowledge, etc.) but who also were just friendly, able to make a little small talk, put me at ease, joke around a little bit and come across as one "human" caring about another "human." I've also gone to a few doctors who just rubbed me the wrong way from the get go, and that I went to only two or three times before deciding to find someone else.
Anyway, I've had people tell me "bedside manner" shouldn't matter at all, and that if the doctor knows his stuff, that's all that should matter. I just wanted to get a feel for what some people here on C-D think. Does a doctor's personality matter to you or not?
I'm 70 years old, so I've been to a number of doctors during my life. I found a new internist about four years ago and really liked him a lot. This past summer, I got a letter from him saying he was closing his practice and moving out of state. That's the third or fourth time I've had that happen -- i.e. losing a doctor I really liked. Anyway, I don't have any really serious medical issues, but I thought I probably ought to find a new internist now, before I do end up sick. I like to go in for an annual physical and it was getting close to time to do that.
Anyway, I looked online for internists in my area who were covered by my insurance and had high patient ratings. I found one and called his office just last week and was surprised that they could get me in today. I had my first appointment today. After I'd finished filling out all of the new patient paperwork, his nurse took me back to an exam room, where she took my blood pressure and asked me a few questions. Five minutes or so later, the doctor came in.
When he opened the door to the exam room, he didn't smile, introduce himself, shake my hand or address me by name. He was very "professional" in how he talked to me, but was extremely serious throughout the entire half hour during which he was with me. I attempted to lighten up the conversation a couple of times, but he had absolutely zero personality. Throughout the visit, he did not smile even once. Much of the time, his back was to me while he was entering information on his computer. Finally, when he was through with the exam, he said, "Okay, well it was nice to meet you." No handshake in parting, either. I almost thought he might be afraid of catching something from me, even though I wasn't sick at all.
Over the years, I have had two Ob-Gyns, two internists, and two orthopedic surgeons who were all excellent doctors (in terms of their knowledge, etc.) but who also were just friendly, able to make a little small talk, put me at ease, joke around a little bit and come across as one "human" caring about another "human." I've also gone to a few doctors who just rubbed me the wrong way from the get go, and that I went to only two or three times before deciding to find someone else.
Anyway, I've had people tell me "bedside manner" shouldn't matter at all, and that if the doctor knows his stuff, that's all that should matter. I just wanted to get a feel for what some people here on C-D think. Does a doctor's personality matter to you or not?
I tend to reserve judgment until I "see" the provider in action. Such as dealing with a specific problem I need addressed, providing information I can't get to on my own, or using their services over time. After all, this new provider doesn't even know you as a person yet. He doesn't know what approach you'd prefer.
I can recall a couple of specialists like this provider you described. Pretty matter-of-fact, no comfortable manner at all. But, when something came up they were spot on and did what I needed them to do. Over time that was what mattered.
I think it’s worth it to give it time. The first time the doctor is really trying to focus on getting a good patient history so they don’t miss anything, so I think there may be less rapport building than in later visits where they’ve already discussed some of your initial issues, done the blood work, and gotten a baseline for follow up visits. I think if you get too into building a rapport initially, you might actually forget to discuss an issue or discuss an important part of the history, and that annual physical is usually given a little more time than the follow-up visits that can only bill for 15 minutes.
My current internist is great, but the first time was kind of a wash... she improved dramatically during the follow-up visits. I assume that she just wanted to get a history and learn what she was dealing with the first time.
OP: Trust your gut. Use Next Door and Yelp to find someone with good bedside manner. I have had practitioners who were technically superior, but humanly, inferior - and it makes a difference. You want (and deserve) to be treated with respect, interest, and kindness.
Well, on my first visit to the hip surgeon, a friend went with me, we found him very curt and both of us rolled our eyes with disgust. But I had heard from about 4 people who had hip replacements done by him that he was "tops"....so in spite of his "bedside" manner I went with him. Well, 8 yrs later I live with a lot of regret from his work. I was in the hospital 3 mornings and he stopped in for like 2 minutes, wiggled my toes and was gone.
I didn't know about yelp and I don't know if I would have changed my mind. Many on yelp talked about his COLDNESS but got good surgeries from him. Some did not including me. I posted my story on yelp and his reply back to me for everyone to read "patient did not return for post op appts.." which was a BIG FAT LIE. And that was my reply back to his.
I'm not there to socialize; I'm there to get something medical done, so a bedside manner isn't important to me. As long as I get what I came for, I'm good.
My outstanding neurosurgeon walked in looking at my chart, finally turned to me and said "Well, Ann". I wanted to say "Well, William" but restrained myself. A co-worker had told me that her husband couldn't walk and had crawled into his office. He sat down on the floor with them! Then gave him a wheelchair to use. He was one of the most caring and compassionate doctors I have ever had. But that first impression!
I care much more about competency and listening to me.
OP, a psychologist on PBS told of "uptight people...you know the kind who act like they have a roll of quarters clenched in their butt cheeks. If they dare to laugh, they might drop a quarter "!.
I happen to have a GREAT primary care physician. Hes personable, and good at adressing my issues, and if need be, quick to refer me to a specialist if needed, rather than ",try this or that to see if it works " first.
I also have a top in his field urologist, ( who was my father's urologist and handled his prostate cancer well), who is DEAD serious, ALL business, NEVER cracks a joke or smile. But since ive had prostate problems since age 24 when i was hemorrhaging from there, he IS the man i want treating me.
I have learned over the years you WILL lose some (if not all) of your dignity when it comes to medical issues and my body. Lets face it those hospital "gowns" Don't cover much!!! Ive also found if i inject a little humor into things, it eases my frustration at lack of dignity, and eases the medical staff. Perhaps a little humor gave them a chance to ease their constant professionalism, too.
Back to my urologist. One day he told me to get off the table and stand facing him and drop my pants, the normal routine for his examination. As he bent down as i lowered my pants, i Said slyly the old childhood line of " I'll show you mine if you show me yours".....he looked up at me and grinned ear to ear. He HAD dropped a quarter!!! That doesnt mean i always joke like that, but it worked on him, and that, in all the years i have seen him, is the ONLY time i have seen him smile and break professionalism protocol.
My GP is great, he really likes my OH and I, we were the first he shared his wife had filed divorce on him and his frustration with that. Hes personable and while it's not our business what goes on in his personal life, its only how he treats us, professionally and medically. Hes changed provider companies. And while we wont change our provider company, we can and are foloowibg him to his new office and practice there BECAUSE he is so personable.
If you are unhappy with the personality of your provider, search for another one. Che k patient ratings and get one you like.
Its NOT to much to ask for a great personality, but really i think thats icing on the cake. I want a professional provider who knows his business, takes my complaints and issues seriously and promptly addresses them. Ill take that over them dropping quarters all over the place!!!
I am Male, and i also prefer a male doctor, especially fir things like urology. MY preference.
Ps. I AM getting tired of making an appointment WITH tye DOCTOR and being shoved off onto his Nurse Practitioner or Physicians Assistant. Im paying to see a doctor , NOT an NP or PA. That is my biggest gripe.
Im also getting told my appointment is say 11:30, when it really is 12:00, and having to wait an hour and a half to get to see him at 1:30!!! My time is as valuable to me as his is to him!! My gp is always within 15 minutes.
I needed a consult with a a Hematologist a few years ago & when I called to schedule an appointment, I was given a choice of which provider in the group I wanted to see. Of course, they asked if I wanted their “next available” & I said “No, thank you. I want to see the oldest & grouchiest doctor in your office, please. Could you recommend anyone in particular?”
They didn’t believe me at first but I did finally convince them that I knew what I wanted. Reason being is that I’m losing my patience with these doctors that all seem to be working for somebody other than me.
I saw one a few months ago that “wasn’t allowed” to write a prescription for an antibiotic because I hadn’t first tried Mucinex.
Ironically, the reason why I went to the doctor, is one that I have a very long history with involving chronic sinus infections that I am mostly asymptomatic for, with the exception of a very specific headache & facial pain.
No; I hadn’t tried an OTC symptom reliever ... I’m ASYMPTOMATIC (without symptoms) & I have 30 years of experience of landing in the ER, strapped to a tilt table, while they run 4 bags of IV fluid in wide open trying to lower my temp of 104+ degrees... Because I didn’t get on antibiotics in time to avoid it!
Just what I didn’t need: A “doctor”; who can’t think or act on their own. Why bother hiring doctors if my “care plan” is stipulated by some troubleshooting chart they are intimidated into using? Thanks but no ... I’d much rather be treated by some cantankerous dinosaur who knows how to write a compensatable doctor’s order & couldn’t care less about their ratings.
The only reviews/ratings that I care about are viable markers; such as mortality & infection rates. Save the congeniality award for someone who cares.
You know, due to germ transmission, it's frequently suggestion that people stop shaking hands?
The constant computer use is no longer avoidable and most doctors dislike it as much as patients.
In any situation it's nicer when people are congenial but in this one, it's much nicer if they're competent
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