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Seems like pediatricians have been brainwashed to treat all nervous, scared parents by saying everything is NORMAL, no matter how old the kids are. Are they just wanting to keep parents calm and simplify their own practice until the parents take the kids to a regular GP and then they'll be rid of them without having to do any kind of treatment themselves? I honestly don't get it.
Everything I looked up online said nocturnal enuresis is at about 1% or less for 14/15 year olds. It is unusual enough and potentially socially debilitating enough that it deserves treatment - and it IS treatable with imipramine or anticholinergics. And no, he won't have to take them forever.
That's why I suggest she take him to a doctor that deals with urology issues. They will give him actual tests to see how his bladder empties. Peds and a GP are the wrong doctors for this. I'll be shocked if he's seen a urologist for it. The test really sucks but it will tell them whether he's emptying it or not so he can decide what to do next.
You're doing him a disservice by letting him use adult diapers. Keep in mind that I was once a bed wetter past the age of 10.
Did you wear the night time diapers? Or did you just make a mess in your bed? If the latter, who cleaned it up?
My son didn't stay dry overnight until he was 9 years old. Before then, changing the sheets in the middle of the night was a regular chore for me, when he'd come into my room, wake me up, and tell me that he had made a mess. And yes, he wore pull-ups. It's just that, sometimes, he'd pump out so much that he'd overflow them.
My point is, the person who is stuck changing the sheets in the middle of the night, and thus has to deal with regular sleep deprivation, gets to have a major say in how the condition is treated. If the OP is the one doing the sheet changing, then her desire to have her son wear the night time diapers takes precedence over a possible future for her son in the military.
Incidentally, the word "normal" has two meanings. One sense of the word is that there is nothing medically wrong with your son; he's simply taking longer for night time retention to take effect. In this sense, I'm willing to assume that the OP's pediatrician spoke correctly. But "normal" also means "within the norm," that is, something that is common. And it is not common for a teenager to wet the bed.
OP, checking your son's liquid intake is a good idea. But also, how often does he go to the bathroom during the course of the day? That was my son's big issue; he just didn't want to go and pee. I had to do a whole lot of nagging over the years, but it was never enough. And maybe that's your son's issue too. Maybe he just doesn't like to take the time out to take a leak. But pressing him to do so just might help. And it's not enough to hold it all in and then try and get it all out in one big burst at the end of the day. Oddly enough, it won't entirely drain that way. One needs to do regular voiding. If your son pees first thing when he gets up, then goes on average every 3 hours for the rest of the day, plus making sure he goes last thing before going to bed, this might set his body into a rhythm of getting enough out during the day that the bladder will be able to hold what is generated during the overnight hours until he wakes up the next morning. (You may have to try waking him up 3 hours after he goes to bed and having him go again, at least at first.)
Whatever you do, don't punish him. He's not doing this on purpose, and in fact he sounds like he's handling it really well. Encourage him in this, and give him the reassurance that you are on his side.
Remember the Three Stooges comedy team? The fourth stooge, Shemp (Moe's brother actually) was discharged from the Army during WWI because he was a bedwetter.
Just had a weird thought that there is some kind of will-power involved, as well.
Old people have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Most of them (I imagine!) get up. They don't wet the bed.
Your son has determined that wetting the bed is fine - that is the problem now.
I think the best bet would be for all of the family to be in individual and family therapy, for your son to forgo the diapers, and that he be in charge of changing the sheets in the middle of the night, and washing the soiled sheets.
I have a teenage daughter who bedwets occasionally. About to turn 16. The only thing that seems to work pretty well is to use the toilet right before going to bed. Otherwise, it's mattress pads & mattress protectors.
Thanks a lot for reading and bearing with me I have a lot to say.
Asking this question on a few different forums even though I don't normally use forums. Is it ok if I also post in the parenting section? Please delete if we're not allowed to post the same thing in two places.
I'm looking for advice on my teenage son's very severe and chronic bedwetting issues (basically every night since the day he was born to the present day). Hopefully someone out there has been there & done that and can offer some help. We really need it!
My situation:
I have a 14 yo son (almost 15, 9th grade).
Sadly he's afflicted with this nightly inability to control his urination.
I want to stress that my son is really a 100% healthy and normal kid in every way. Straight A student with an active social life.
Never a single medical issue has come up in any of his dr's visits or checkups.
He day trained completely in the day time at age 2 like you'd expect and never had a day accident. But he stayed wet at night.
It was made very clear to me at the time that bedwetting is common and normal and it will stop eventually and that it's nothing to worry about in a 5,6,7-year old child.
I want to tell you that I've been there and done that. I had a son who stayed wet every single night since he was born. He was healthy, well adjusted, athletic, and a straight A student with a great social life, as well. We really worked at the problem together. His pediatrician was totally on board to help us conquer the problem, and we tried many things.
I think we first visited a pediatric urologist at age 6. We consulted with him for awhile. Later we saw a urologist for adults. We tried various medications, different pills and nasal sprays. I don't even remember the names of the medications now. None of them worked. My son is grown now and doing great, so this was years ago.
I bought various sleep alarms and used them diligently. My son slept like a rock, so alarms did not work (did not wake him). I would wake up in the master bedroom from the sound of the VERY LOUD alarm and fly down the hall to his room, only to find him sleeping like a rock in the middle of a lake, basically. Nothing would wake him. I'd strip his bed, change him, and put him back to bed in dry things, and he'd never wake up. By the morning, usually everything would be wet again.
I should mention that never in his life did he wake from being wet. Everything on his bed could be sopping wet, including him, and he'd sleep like a rock until morning, unbothered. It bothered me, though, so I would change his bedding and pajamas when he was younger (pre-puberty).
His doctors assured me that he was normal in every way outside of this one quirk. They all encouraged us by saying my son had a double whammy: ultra-deep sleeper and bladder that couldn't retain urine at night, for whatever reason. (They actually could not tell us the reason.) They told us that most likely he would grow out of it.
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Originally Posted by slowes2879
Fast forward to when he was maybe 8 and still wetting now we were getting concerned. So we took him to a specialist and he said just be patient it will stop eventually, probably by the time he's 12 and puberty begins, even at age 8 it's still really common and normal.
Fast forward again a few years and my son was 12 and still never dry at night so we went for a second opinion and again we were told just be patient, even at age 12 it's still really common and normal and it prob won't last much longer, so that's what we've done.
Now fast forward a few more years and my son has reached every milestone you can think of including high school, and puberty, basically everything about his development has been perfect except the continued bedwetting.
In the meantime we tried alarms, nighttime waking, withholding fluids, chiropractic, no milk, tested for diabetes. Nothing has made a dent in the frequency of his nighttime accidents.
Again, your story matches mine in many respects. As my son grew older, we made more visits to specialists and more new things to try, as well as re-trying the old things. We taught him to drink as much water as he wanted until 5 or 6pm, and then nothing after that. We went through a long phase when I would "wake" him at 10pm, 2am, 4am, and 6am, sleepwalk him to the toilet, run a little water in the sink to encourage urination by sound (again, because he was not awake). On those nights, he'd wet the bed less than usual, but I would be a basket case in the morning from interrupted sleep. He'd be fine; he had no lack of sleep because he never actually woke on any of the nighttime bathroom visits. That was not sustainable for me.
We looked carefully at possible allergens in his diet and did elimination diets, with no results.
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Originally Posted by slowes2879
At least they make absorbent nighttime products for his situation because these continue to be the only option that will keep his sheets dry (we use the "GoodNites"). It's also nice to have these just to put his situation in context (they would not sell them for his age group if there weren't a lot of other teens who bedwet--it's a reminder that some older kids and even teens do wet the bed and it's OK).
But you can imagine its so far from ideal to be almost 15 and have to sleep in something that comes from the diaper section at the grocery store.
We had to use those things too, when my son got older. He wet so much at night that the bed would still be wet all around him, from leakage around the "Goodnights," but not to the tsunami extent that would happen if he slept in just pajamas. He learned to strip his bed and start a load in the washing machine every morning.
At the time he hit puberty and was well into the morning laundry routine, I remembered I had one sibling (out of seven children) who got up every morning and loaded all her bedding and pajamas into the washing machine before anyone else awoke. She was mortified about having to do this. She tried everything to stay dry at night, but the wetting continued right into high school. I remembered that she did this private morning laundry routine until age 15, and then the the wetting magically stopped forever. I had actually forgotten about it because it had stopped by magic, so many years ago, and then we never spoke of it again.
I called and spoke to my sibling about my son and his bedwetting. She told the story of her son, about 10 years older than mine, who wet the bed every night from birth, even though they tried everything under the sun to make it stop. One night, when he was 15, he just magically stopped and was dry at night after that watershed (pun intended) with no effort forever. This was all news to me.
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Originally Posted by slowes2879
My son is such a mature kid I'm so proud at how he matter of factly handles his situation. Most of the time he accepts his situation as just being normal for him and doesn't get embarrassed or discouraged, he goes about his business putting on a GoodNite, disposing of the wet one, all we have to do is buy them when he runs out and he's able to handle the rest all on his own like a mature teen. At least these enable him to do school trips, camp and sleepovers,
But as you can imagine once in a while it really gets him down and it gets us down too because no matter how hard you try this problem is just gonna get you down at times. It's not an easy thing to accept even if my son does an admirable job most of the time.
Plus the added expense of GoodNites, the whole hassle of the situation is something we're just really eager to put an end to.
Believe me, I know exactly how sick and tired you and your son are of the whole problem, and how frustrated from trying everything and getting no results. All I can tell you is that when my son turned fifteen, about halfway through his 15th year, he suddenly was able to stay dry all night with no effort whatsoever.
We talked about what could possibly have made the difference for him at 15, after all the years of desperate effort and frustration, because I was so curious about what made it stop. He said that he couldn't explain it, but suddenly he was able to stay dry all night, every night, just because he physically COULD. The On switch for bedwetting just turned Off one day, or maybe it could be described as the Off switch for staying dry just turning On one day. The doctors were right when they reassured us that he would grow out of it. My son is still a very deep sleeper to this day, but at 15.5 his bladder finally caught up and matured to the point that retaining urine all night long was not an issue. I think, in the end, his body just grew to a size where his bladder could handle it.
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Originally Posted by slowes2879
Here's what I know:
Between drs visits and my own research I've learned a few things about bedwetting.
1. It's common. I was told its the #1 complain that pediatricians get
I've seen stats that say 20% of kindergartners wet, that 10% of 10 yos wet, and depending on where you look you'll see that 3-5% of 12 yos wet, 2-5% of teenagers wet, an even .5%-2% of adults wet.
My son and the rest of us (me and his dad) are perfectly aware that even at his age he's not the only one in fact there are 100s of thousands of his peers who are in the same boat. Seems a bit hard to believe sometimes but we do believe it.
Of course, in the meantime it doesn't matter how often you remind yourself that this isnt a unique situation. Sometimes waking up in a wet bed is just gonna get them down no matter how aware of the context they are.
2. Its normal. They way it was explained to me is that "normal" means that most bedwetters (about 99% of cases I was told by the specialist) are indeed 100% healthy and normal except for the bedwetting which amounts to a very minor medical issue (developmental delay).
I understand that there are usually a few things working together to cause bedwetting, including hormones and very deep sleep (my son sleeps like a rock).
That is an unfortunate double whammy. Maybe add to it a bladder that just hasn't grown strong or big enough to hold urine all night.
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Originally Posted by slowes2879
I understand that none of these things can be controlled and so neither can the bedwetting, it really is out of their control.
Basically I was told that the only symptom of bedwetting is the bedwetting itself.
In other words, if I understand correctly then even a child who's reached a very advanced age like 14+ and still wets the bed is truly a perfectly normal and healthy kid who just happens to be unlucky and have to deal with this annoying, insidious issue and can't really do much about it except wait until it stops.
My understanding is it really is more about a case of really bad luck than anything else.
That's my understanding, too. Really rotten luck. But there are so many worse things that can happen to children. On the scale of things, compared to cancer or devastating neurological diseases, for example, it's not so bad.
ETA: We never gave up trying things to solve the problem, but we never shamed him for the bedwetting, either. All the doctors were very clear that we should not do that.
I really hope that your son experiences what my son, my sister, and my nephew experienced: a sudden cessation of the problem at approx. 15 1/2 years, with only dry nights after that forever.
Did you wear the night time diapers? Or did you just make a mess in your bed? If the latter, who cleaned it up?
No, I didn't wear diapers. They didn't make them for big kids back then, at least I don't think they did. I didn't wake up anyone or tell my parents until the next morning. I usually just curled up at the foot of the bed and slept there until the morning or slept on the living room floor. In the morning I would strip the bed so the mattress could dry. Helping my twin and I was one of the best things that our dad did for us.
The OP sounds like an outstanding parent who has *left no rock unturned* in her quest for answers to her son's problem. Americans, pretty much all of us, are tried and true problem solvers. This is a problem that will be solved by the maturation of whatever goes on in the body's mechanism that will finally develop and switch on for this young man. (BTW, he certainly hit the jackpot when it comes to Moms) There does not appear to be any outside intervention that will speed up the process. Much like the frustration of parents who *practice* walking their infants in the hopes they can get their infants to walk sooner than their body's timetable dictates it will happen. It won't work.
If the family and the son can just accept (I know, no easy feat) that only TIME will solve the problem they will have an easier time of it and won't wear themselves out trying to find the perfect technique to solve it. The Doctors have concluded only time for his body to develop will solve his bedwetting. I would try the frequent urinating schedule during the day, eliminate liquids after a certain hour at night and find the very best depends to wear at night. As another poster said, continue empathizing with your son and keep in mind that as bad as this is, there are many more tragic health issues that children deal with that lead to the worst possible outcomes. It is so normal to forget that at times and understandably it's hard to deal with bed wetting. Of course we want everything to be as perfect as possible for our children. Often not a reachable goal however much we want it to be. Maybe a good mantra to keep in mind would be: "In time this too shall pass." It just will be on his own body's time table.
Has he told himself not to do it? Repeat to himself before he falls asleep to wake up if he needs to go? Or repeats to himself not to relieve himself?
When our bathroom upstairs was being remodeled and we were unable to use it for three weeks. I told myself every night to sleep through the night and not have to go to the bathroom (not pleasant going down two flights of steps in the middle of the night). Most nights, my mind over matter, won and I stayed asleep.
Sometimes it is as simple as telling your body what to do or what not to do.
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