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Old 02-04-2010, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,062 posts, read 16,499,076 times
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Quote:
There’s no caresses’, kisses, or physical contact in our day to day lives. Zip, squat, nada, and zilch.
Are you sure this is part of menopause? You've listed a whole lot of symptoms and I'm wondering if it all can be attributed to menopause or if there's something else going on with her?

I had a hysterectomy and experienced "surgical menopause" at a fairly young age. I had the hot flashes and typical symptoms for a while but it subsided in time. Nothing nearly as bad as what you're describing.

I would suggest to her that she have a complete physical with a good internal medicine doctor, preferably a woman. She could have a thyroid deficiency, vitamin deficiencies or other things that affect women's health.
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Old 02-04-2010, 08:44 PM
 
1,255 posts, read 2,838,836 times
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Been years since my wife went through it you will survive.

hillman
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Old 02-04-2010, 08:48 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,629 posts, read 2,433,466 times
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Hormone Replacement is your friend. Get her to a doctor who specializes in that and get her hormone levels tested.
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Old 02-04-2010, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,776 posts, read 10,131,531 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
Hormone Replacement is your friend. Get her to a doctor who specializes in that and get her hormone levels tested.
I guess you missed the part where he said that, due to some health considerations, his wife can't do HRT. I couldn't either.

IMO the BEST thing a woman can have when all this is going on is a supportive and understanding husband. I didn't so I know how important it is.
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Old 02-05-2010, 03:50 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,290 posts, read 15,501,430 times
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Your wife is lucky to have a sweet, caring man as you. I have just (hopefully) finished with the majority of menopause. I still get the occasional hot flash/night sweats but thankfully the rest is done.

Someone earlier suggested you talk with your wife's doctor - and I concur. But go together -- with your wife. Find out directly from the doctor what you can do, if anything. I don't think there is much, just be there for her. If she is depressed enough to need medication, then probably she needs some therapy to go with it and, while precipated by menopause, is a problem in itself.

Good luck to both of you.
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Old 02-05-2010, 05:12 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 15,101,727 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
Are you sure this is part of menopause? You've listed a whole lot of symptoms and I'm wondering if it all can be attributed to menopause or if there's something else going on with her?

I had a hysterectomy and experienced "surgical menopause" at a fairly young age. I had the hot flashes and typical symptoms for a while but it subsided in time. Nothing nearly as bad as what you're describing.

I would suggest to her that she have a complete physical with a good internal medicine doctor, preferably a woman. She could have a thyroid deficiency, vitamin deficiencies or other things that affect women's health.

^^^^^BINGO!

Of course, I've heard of how most women who go through it (especially those who do not take replacement therapy) are NEVER quite the same. Just get ready to become a great fisherman ONLY. I'd forget past the great lover/sex part with her- LOL!

Find comfort in being grandpa and grandma.
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Old 02-05-2010, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,903 posts, read 11,669,483 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Im not there, yet, so I dont have any first hand exp. Have you tried homopathic remedies for some of the symptoms. Diet and exercise?
When you say homeopathic, are you referring to holistic / alternative modalities?
In other words, are you using that term with an understanding of what it means?
I'm only asking because, for some reason, people often use the term homeopathy incorrectly thinking that it is interchangeable with the term "holistic".
Homeopathy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Denvertoad, wow, you're a good man!
I really appreciate your honesty (emotional and otherwise) and your sensitivity.
After you've read the definition of homeopathy, if you're interested, send me a private message and i'll give you a link to a homeopathic treatment that may help your wife.
I'm not menopausal but this product treats hormonal imbalance for any age woman who is experiencing symptoms related to such imbalance.
It's very difficult to be objective when it comes to homeopathy and there are many people who will say that it's bunk / hogwash / quackery ... whatever.
I absolutely do not want this thread to turn into an argument about this.
But i've been using this for a few years and i feel (but certainly cannot prove) that is has helped me.
And, unlike hormonal replacement therapy, there are absolutely no side effects and the only thing you have to lose is money ... which is certainly a consideration.

Also, i've only heard about this approach and know nothing about it and it's another one that may stir up some debate (hopefully on another thread so as not to hijack this one!) and here's a google page so that you and/or your wife can give it a look.
Google BioIdentical Hormone Therapy
This is not the same as hormone replacement therapy.

And someone mentioned diet and exercise.
This could make a huge difference for your wife but if she's depressed, any approach may seem totally futile to her.
This (feelings and thoughts of futility) is a difficult hurdle to get over and i know this from my own experience with severe depression.
If somehow she can just take some baby steps toward change, despite the depression she may be able to turn this around.

You say that she's always been an attractive woman.
I think for any woman aging is very difficult (although to varying degrees).
But if a huge part of her identity has been dependent on her beauty and attractiveness, it's particularly difficult.
All the best to both of you.

Last edited by coyoteskye; 02-05-2010 at 08:12 PM..
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:06 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,992 posts, read 17,907,008 times
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Coyotesky had some great advice and I'd just like to add one thing. Look up "vitex" on google and see what it says. It's an herbal remedy that's supposed to help balance the hormones and I've been using it to treat my fibroids and it's helping a lot, though slowly. You're supposed to use it for 6 months or more to help, but I noticed a difference after the first month. It certainly would be worth looking into, but I'd agree with an earlier poster about getting her thyroid checked and looking into depression--I'm not there yet, but these symptoms sound unusually intense and feeling that she's losing her beauty is probably not helping. You really are a good man to stick with her and look for answers--a lot of men would bail, or wait it out. She sounds like she's too depressed to look for answers on her own. Best of luck to both of you.

Anyway, you two need a laugh, so here's a joke for you:
Quote:
Q: How many women with menopause does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in
this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAM*ED HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What was the question?
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Old 02-08-2010, 01:21 PM
 
5,617 posts, read 14,043,201 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Denvertoad View Post
Or do I have to wait for nature to run its course and hope I get the woman I love back??
This is a post I never thought I'd be writing. It wasn’t too long ago, two years or so, things were good. However since menopause started our relationship is suffering. I won’t list all the physical manifestations involved, the list is typical of any menopausal woman. What I’m concerned about is my wife’s depression and our utter lack of intimacy. Not intimacy in the sexual sense but the gentle ongoing intimacies that couples enjoy. There’s no caresses’, kisses, or physical contact in our day to day lives. Zip, squat, nada, and zilch.
I’ve been educating myself as to what changes menopause brings about, and now better understand what a trying time it can be for women. There’s a lot of change going on here, and I can be patient with regards to the process. Whether the change is physical or emotional there’s a course to be run.

Unfortunately, due to medical issues hormone replacement therapy isn’t an option. (Refuses to quit smoking… If I could have just ONE prayer answered…) She has spoken to the DR with regards to the depression and medication was prescribed. The antidepressant worked for a short while but I’m not sure it is any more. That may well be a part of the problem, but I’m unsure to what degree.

I’m floundering trying to put my emotions into words. I hurt, I feel alone, I miss my wife both physically and emotionally, and at times I feel angry. I don’t want to be demanding or overly insistent that my needs be met. But the reality is I get a Hollywood peck on the cheek twice a day and that’s the extent of our physical contact.

She did share with me that aging isn’t easy for her either physically or emotionally. My wife has always been beautiful and has attracted attention no matter the setting. While she retains her grace and poise nature is going to have it's way with regard to physically aging. Is she still attractive to me? Absolutely and without a doubt. Where I see maturity she sees crow’s feet. Where I see a lovely figure she sees gravities effects. Etcetera etcetera. I wonder if she doesn’t see her mother in the mirror these days.

What, if anything, can be done to make this transition easier for her… or me? How hard should I push for physical contact? What has worked for other couples, women, and men that are reading this? How did you as a couple and individual work through this? Any advice, words, and constructive comments are most welcome.
Thanks.
boy you sound like a winner, I will marry you if it does not work out! Marilyn

However I do know a few women who went to use a natural progesterone cream its from a yam and they say it helps alot!!!!
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:39 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,992 posts, read 17,907,008 times
Reputation: 14316
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse View Post
boy you sound like a winner, I will marry you if it does not work out! Marilyn

However I do know a few women who went to use a natural progesterone cream its from a yam and they say it helps alot!!!!
Thanks for reminding me of that--it's supposed to help quite a bit. I've heard, though I'm confused about this--that we all suffer from an excess of estrogen anyway (even men) so adding estrogen won't really fix it--it will just help the "withdrawal" symptoms and she's adding more risks to her health load, like that of breast cancer. The vitex and progesterone cream will help naturally balance the hormones, which sounds like a safer bet to me. To the OP: you can get these from a health food store like Whole Foods.
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