Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Because the kitchen is traditionally the wife's territory, you may have to compromise some. I would suggest taking her likes, and seeing if there are finishes that meet your standards but perhaps in her color choices. You'll find a way.
How about asking her to make up a small scrapbook of kitchen images she likes? Then take one of her ideas and tweak it just a tad, to be a bit more in-line with what you like. After you get her feedback, you can both tweak it some more, until you come up with something you both can live with.
Since you're "the professional", she may like something similar to one she had chosen (with the adjustments), once she actually sees it presented on paper.
Wow! How much stereotyping there is on this thread!
However.
I can understand you're concerned with the integrity of the house but agree with the opinion that, if you're good, you'll be able to incorperate some of her desires into a tasteful plan that will coordinate well enough with the style of the rest of the house.
The last house we built was a successful blending of two distinct eras 100 years apart and that was throughout the entire house.
You only have the kitchen which is more forgiving since most people want and expect up-to-date in that room.
Get working on a creative solution/compromise.
That idea that my opinion is better than yours has got to go!!! Your opinion is just that....your opinion.
So what if she makes a mistake? You get to re-do the kitchen sooner. Keep argument going and see what happens. She may never admit that you might be correct.
I sure hope you never have to redecorate a nursery.
I'm with ohiogirl. Your education in architecture is irrelevant; it does not make her personal tastes any less important.
If you cannot come to a compromise, then you might want to consider hiring a neutral home interior designer to help you both come up with a kitchen you can both enjoy.
My DH and I also have entirely different taste. I like country/cottage/shabby, and he likes rustic/cabin styles. So we have split the house - I get to decorate the main floor (but I always ask for and try to include his input - I would never do anything that he really disliked) and he gets free rein on the entire basement to do as he pleases (except for my laundry room, since I do the laundry).
I guess you could say I won out when it came to picking our house. We ended up with a beautiful country cape house with loads of charachter. furthest thing from a mcmansion. The wife will say she settled and that my persistance won out, but i believe she truely loves the house now that shes living in it.
No she probably does NOT love the house, she just deals with it. Old houses are old. They are full of obsolete features that people talk about as "charming". Charming is just a euphemism for old and outdated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris410
Our current arguement is renovating the kitchen, she thinks it needs granite and stainless steel appliances, even though it doesnt match the space at ALL.
I guess the real issue here is I have a degree in architecture and she does not, so I feel like my opinion of design and architecture should hold more value then hers. When I hear her make comments like how she loves our friends homes ( which are just crappy mcmansions with cheap finishes) it just reaffirms my thoughts
You are resisting granite and stainless steel while in the same sentence you rail against cheap finishes. So which is it you want? High end finishes or not? You can dislike granite and stainless but they are NOT cheap finishes. You can't have it both ways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris410
Well obviously she doesnt like when I say my design opinions hold more weight then hers (when it comes to renovations and picking out houses), yet when I question her medical advice she goes on a rant about how she has a degree in that and she went to college for 6 years for it.
So I must ask, is anyone in a simliar situation and how do you deal with your signifcant other?
I really do want to respect her opionion but I wish she would put more trust in me as I have an education in architecture and work in the design field.
Just because you have a degree in architecture that doesn't mean everyone will like your design style. It has nothing to do with your education. It's great that you like old houses but there are many people out there who think old houses are just old. They aren't charming. They don't have character. They're just old. It's really a personal preference (unlike medicine).
I liked the idea of treating her as a client and trying to lead her towards a smart decision.
Big mistake - She's not a client, she's your wife. I'm assuming that the relationship with her is different than that of your other clients.
Ten years ago we decided to redo the kitchen in the house we had recently purchased. I wanted to relocate it to the room next to where it was located. I am a kitchen designer by trade and I had all the arguments down pat. Moving it would locate it closer to things like the water heater, thus less energy waste. Moving it would give us more room and we could have that eat in kitchen like we were used to. Moving it would mean we could install the new kitchen and THEN tear out the old one. Moving it would mean we could take out the wall between a couple of rooms and make the living room larger. How could you argue with all that logic. After all, I was the expert. I knew better than she did. I was the professional.
I worked out the layout, rendered all the perspectives, calculated the price, and let her have it.
Her response? "I don't want to move it."" But..." I said - - - "I don't want to move it."
I started over, worked out the design for the kitchen in the same location, revised and fine tuned it eight times, and we redid the kitchen - in it's existing location. It's fine where it is and I really am pretty glad now that we didn't move it. And we will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary in a month and a half.
After all - she's NOT a client, she's my LIFE PARTNER.
There is no such thing as a spousal disagreement when it comes to the home. The hard and fast rule that has existed since Eve ate the apple is, the wife has 100% say on what is done with the house. If you plan to live with her for a long time, forget your fancy degree and realize happy relationships aren't decided by who has the framed degree on the wall.
You get the garage, and maybe even the yard, but forget any idea about having any say in the house.
If you are planning a long future together, take up golf or drinking, and never again open your mouth about how the home will be decorated. Even if you win, you lose..! You are skating on thin ice if you want a happy marriage. You may win the battle, but you will surely lose the war... Bite the bullet, grin and bear it, you have no chance in this discussion..
Also, I agree with her, sounds like she is the one with good taste..
But, can the garage be the man cave?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
