Making friends... (home, school, subdivision)

[wls2624]

In all of my moves, I was much younger, not that I am really "old" right now, mid forties - well, okay one year on the other side of 45. My first big move was to the Phoenix area, I was in my early twenties and loved it! Next big move I was a young mom and joined some mom's groups and met a lot of people through play groups and such. Now my kids are older and even though they are in school activities and have had no problem making friends, I just haven't been able to find my niche here. I've met some people, done some things with them, a few moms of my kids' friends, but for some reason things are not clicking this time...with anyone! Help! How do I make this work? I hate to say this, but after a year and a half of living here, I am still very lonely! Is it this area, is it me? The age and stage of life I am in? Any ideas?

[Mawoods]

HAving moved and done it several times lately without child, it does get harder as you get older. You just have to work at it harder and make the first effort. I really can't tell you any new ideas that haven't already been expressed such as getting involved with issues that are important to you. There is no magic formula. Good luck!

[HB2HSV]

Making friends is a tough business if you don't work or have regular social activities (such as church, volunteer, etc.) that engages you with others. Even then, we don't necessary bond with everyone whom we come in contact with. This is true for an extrovert like myself, I can only imagine how difficult it is for someone who's quiet and somewhat shy.

So the first thing is breath. Give yourself a break. Don't blame yourself for not able to make friends. There's nothing wrong with you. Making friends is just hard to do.

Second thing is to think what are your hobbies? Just go to the things that you enjoy doing. No matter how weird those are, I am sure there are people who share your hobbies locally. For example, gardening became my hobby since I moved here and I began to visit various nurseries and talk to coworkers about them. Eventually, I find it as a good conversation starters and a way to gauge other personalities. For you, maybe other moms whom your kids play with theirs. Expose your kids to other group of kids/ different activities so you can meet other moms. "Sorry Johnny, mom needs to meet other mom so you ARE going to learn how to play soccer !".

Third is to be receptive and pick up cues of friendly vibes. This could be a polite "hi" from your neighbors, a polite nod, etc.

Fourth, in today's digital world your friends do not need to be right next door. Get a Skype account and do a video-conference with your friends over the computer. Get in touch with your childhood friends. Catch up the old times.

Finally, it is OK not to have many friends. Some people value a few "quality" deep friendships over having lots of friends. Often I enjoy retreating back into my 'cave' and not talking to anyone for days (well, since I am married now I HAVE TO talk to my wife).

[wls2624]

I talk to my friends back home a lot through skype, facebook, email, old fashioned phone conversations. Go to church, and am taking a gardening class with 20 other people (in my sixth week) I am beginning to think it is me, meaning for some reason I am not finding an interest in anyone. I've been to lunch with people, gotten manies and pedis, gone to dinners with people but I just don't feel I am connecting with anyone. All that and I still feel lonely and miss my friends back home. I've never really had this problem before. That is why I was wondering if this was an age/stage thing, or is it location? Are people just people, or are people in different areas a certain way that would or would not appeal to me?

[Bamachic80]

meetup.com, I promote it any chance I get. When I moved to HSV almost 3 years ago, it helped me to network and meet all kinds of people.

[HB2HSV]

Originally Posted by wls2624

I talk to my friends back home a lot through skype, facebook, email, old fashioned phone conversations. Go to church, and am taking a gardening class with 20 other people (in my sixth week) I am beginning to think it is me, meaning for some reason I am not finding an interest in anyone. I've been to lunch with people, gotten manies and pedis, gone to dinners with people but I just don't feel I am connecting with anyone. All that and I still feel lonely and miss my friends back home. I've never really had this problem before. That is why I was wondering if this was an age/stage thing, or is it location? Are people just people, or are people in different areas a certain way that would or would not appeal to me?

It sounds like you're meeting people, it just that you don't feel a sense of connection with the people you've met.

Maybe you're just home sick?

Take a break. Take a vacation. Go home and visit some friends.

Maybe take a vacation to the Bahamas to get your "grove" back?

[wls2624]

I think you're right, time to get my swag back on!

I'm going to check into the meet up, too. There's gotta be something around here to bring me back to life again!

[elephant08]

Being a former military spouse for the past 24 years I am a pro at the "friend" thing. I've been here for 6months now and I haven't made any friends either (my choice). I have come to know our neighbors in the subdivision. I still keep in contact with my old friends everywhere via Facebook. My husband on the other hand has made plenty of friends via his work. I am ok if I do or do not make friends here however Im sure the longer we live here my friend circle will grow.

[Elizabeth_G]

wls2624: You would think since I'm in a "social business" that I too would have loads of friends. I think I just work too much. I'm too darned tired to socialize it seems. I have made many great friends but still not that "connection" that you are speaking of.

I still miss all of my friends in Nashville...maybe that's our problem. We won't let go of "home?". I'm 51, so maybe it's also an age thing? I really think I just work far too much...who knows.

I like HB2HSV's idea: Let's go to the Bahama's and get our swag back on, lol.

[wls2624]

Maybe we get more selective as we get older? I just had a day where I had a lot of time to do too much thinking. Friendship is a curious thing. Oh...and Bahamas or bust!