Making friends... (transplants, working, travel)

[zenjenn]

You know what, I honestly believe finding good friends is almost like finding a good spouse - it isn't easy and you're blessed if you even find ONE, and sometimes, the best friends come along when you aren't looking.

I do think a good approach is to just focus first on broadening your network of acquaintances... spend time with people with no expectation that they will be friends. Friendships can and will eventually blossom organically out of having an active and diverse social life. It may not be today, tomorrow, or next week, but eventually.

You say you go to church, but are you very involved? Finding people with shared values I think is the best way to find friends.

[LovingSAT]

Originally Posted by wls2624

In all of my moves, I was much younger, not that I am really "old" right now, mid forties - well, okay one year on the other side of 45. My first big move was to the Phoenix area, I was in my early twenties and loved it! Next big move I was a young mom and joined some mom's groups and met a lot of people through play groups and such. Now my kids are older and even though they are in school activities and have had no problem making friends, I just haven't been able to find my niche here. I've met some people, done some things with them, a few moms of my kids' friends, but for some reason things are not clicking this time...with anyone! Help! How do I make this work? I hate to say this, but after a year and a half of living here, I am still very lonely! Is it this area, is it me? The age and stage of life I am in? Any ideas?

Find a hobby, enroll in community college, volunteer, bike ride. Start with one or two friends and before you know it....FaceBook, Twitter, Meetup... Make it appoint to make one friend this month and let us know.

Smile, be approachable, listen, be positive...

[Keeper]

I agree it is harder to make friends as we get older. I have lived in several places over the years and never had a problem making friends. I moved up here alone, don't work or have young kids. I have never had a problem meeting ppl but it has been really hard now that I am old.

I finally volunteered taking orders and packing up food for Angel Food Ministries once a month. Met a lot of nice ppl and made several friends.

Volunteered for an animal rescue group and again met a lot of nice ppl and made some friends. If you live in H'ville and like animals check out 'The Ark'

I think Jenn is right..most are not 'good' friends but just friends. For me it is getting out of the house that helps the most

[Kendra_N]

You can also try Not4dating.com if you are having a hard time connecting with people that you meet through other means. Everyone on the site is looking for new friends in their local area and you can look at profiles of others before making contact to increase the chance that you have something in common.

[Mr.SmithW]

One thing I have learned now through the years is that in order to have friends you have to be a friend. It is difficult in the USA to make friends. People from other countries usually have strong community and marriages last longer, families are closer, etc.. I have traveled around the world a bit and I can see how people are more reserved and closed in the USA, probably more than in most other countries, except for Canada, maybe.. I find due to the difficulty in making friends, you have to stand out as someone people can put their confidence in and feel happy around. Expecting others to be your friend in this society just doesn't cut it anymore. In my opinion, the best way to make friends is to do your best to be a friend to others, and if others like your personality, they will want to be around you more.

Beware, there are so many people who will take advantage of a person who they think is gullible and desperate for friends, so watch out for these types. Also, try to look past some of the faults you see in others and remember that you have faults as well. People in the USA can be overly judgmental and highly sensitive and should learn to be a bit more accepting.

I personally, have wandered away from the church, seeing I am not really a Christian. I find some church people to be very condescending and polarizing if you do not fully agree with the teachings and customs of their church. Better to find people who care and respect you for who you are. If you do find a church is accepting, that can be a great. By accepting, I don't necessarily mean liberal, but rather, less dogmatic or enforcing their views on everything.

[wls2624]

I know what you mean about church. I was very involved in our church here in the beginning. I started to say no to things because I was feeling overwhelmed by it all. I felt like a bunch of vultures were circling ready to attack. They were also very petty and judgmental. I did not like that as it wasn't very christian to me. I also found that I was only their friend as long as I was doing things. The less I did, the less they had to do with me. It was very conditional. I only attend once a month now. Church, in my case, was definitely not the place for me to meet people. Our church up north was not so petty and judgmental. The funny thing too, this is a very small church. The people know who we are, yet every time we come now, they introduce themselves like they've never seen us before. I don't get that???

It's too bad the US has to be the way they are. We are too spoiled for our own good. A guy, I would guess who was maybe from India, waited on me in the shoe department at Belk. He was so kind, polite, efficient. I wish everyone were like that, I had not been treated that kindly by someone working in that type of job for I don't know how long. I am sending a letter to the company to let them know about it. I am also telling them they would be wise to use him as an example for other employees to follow. He was selling shoes yet he acted as if he had the most important job in the world!

[zenjenn]

The people know who we are, yet every time we come now, they introduce themselves like they've never seen us before. I don't get that???

They may just be really bad with faces/names? I can be like that, it is embarrassing, although if I am in a situation where I know I've probably met the person before, I usually admit it and say "I'm sorry if we've met before, but I am REALLY bad with faces and names..."

As for the church, maybe you should try a different one. If it doesn't feel Christian to you, then the people there obviously don't share your values. You are lucky to have so many choices! As a Jew around here, I kind of get what I get. (But on the other hand, it is kind of like a family, because there is no where else to go, like a family there are petty people and there are gems of people as well)

[Elizabeth_G]

I say Bahama's or bust...if we aren't best friends by the time we get home from a week of soaking our old fannies on the beach and drinking all of the Rum we can find, then we both really DO have issues, lol.

[daac09]

Originally Posted by Elizabeth_G

I say Bahama's or bust...if we aren't best friends by the time we get home from a week of soaking our old fannies on the beach and drinking all of the Rum we can find, then we both really DO have issues, lol.

Wow... I'll be friends with both of you, too, if I can tag along on that trip!

[Katsmeeyow]

Hey - I want to soak my old fannie on the beach too - but how do I get him to go????

We moved here about two years ago and I still don't have a "friend" that I really click with in this area. I think that sometimes it's difficult because everyone already has their own group of friends and their "best" friend(s). I have made several friends, but not someone I feel comfortable just calling up for no reason. I end up calling my old friends instead.

I am glad it's not just me! LOL