Making friends (Knoxville, Maryville: living in, moving to, friendly)

[rpmgatech]

I was in the same mindset as the OP and other who are saying that it is difficult to find friends here in Knoxville, but then I realized why my thought process was so flawed. Everywhere I had lived before where it was easy to make friends were places where I either had family or was going to school. So, in essence, I was forced to meet friends in those places. Here, I have to learn how to be more outgoing in meeting friends by, as other have already said, getting involved.

Notice how I say "have to." I have only been here for 1 year, and I haven't really had a need to go out and meet friends because my wife and I have just been so busy with other things. But when I do go out actively trying to meet folks, I will probably join a group such as the Knoxville Track Club or a young professionals group.

[hondaguy83]

I've had that problem myself a few times...I grew up in Knox..I moved a few times and i found myself coming back here and most of my friends had settled down..Meaning got married and had kids,So keeping in touch with em went from slim to none...Knox can be a pretty hard town to make friends...Alot of people here are reserved and closed off to "strangers"...Most people here have there little circle of friends And thats all they need and care about...If you wanna make friends here..You gotta get involved with something..Rather than being joining a gym like i did to meet new people,Or start going to church and try to make friends that way...Me personally i wouldn't try and meet people or make try and make friends at a bar...Usually thats not a smart idea...How i got to meet new people was working in retail...You meet and work with alot of people in retail everyday...That can be a pretty easy way to make friends as well...Other than that,I would just look for groups of people that shared some of the same interests as you do and ask if you can be apart of there "little group" as well...Most of the time that works too

[TheShadow]

I haven't even moved to Knoxville yet and I already have a friend there. My realtor is such a sweetie and I really can't wait until I live there to spend time with her family. We met on a visit to look at the housing market and hit it off. We stay in contact through e-mail and Facebook. I'm sorry you guys have had a some bad experience. I know that I am the kind of person who has only a small handful of good friends, and most of those I've known for years. I think most people are that way. Try not to take it so personally when you are rejected the first time you suggest a get together. Firstly, people ARE busy, so it might take 2 or 3 invitations before you find a casual get together that is convenient for both of you. Second, not everyone is as good of a fit as you feel they are for you. I've had the same experience of being told "I have all the friends I need" here in CA and in other parts of the country. The fact is some people just don't have much generosity of heart, and location has nothing to do with it. To have a friend, be a friend. Offer to help people when they express a need. Show that you have something to offer, rather than a need. Also know that if people are unfriendly, it probably has nothing to do with you, but that life right know is very hard for some people, and they are stressed. Finding a friend is like finding a life partner, it gets harder as we get older. We can't go knock on the doors in the neighborhood and ask if folks can come out to play. We get busy and occupied with the details of our own lives and sometimes folks have nothing left to offer after the demands of jobs, spouses, children and all their extra curricular activities, sick elderly parents, and yard work, housework, PTA, church groups etc. Hang in there, stay positive and giving, and just like love, friendship will find you when you stop looking for it so hard.

[kdweller]

My spouse and I have reached out to help people and will continue doing that. I

[Knoxville Native]

I am so sorry you are having so much trouble. I lived in Kentucky briefly and I remember feeling SO LONELY there. I had casual friends but not that easy sort of friendship where you agree on most things and still get along when you don't. I mostly hang out now with neighbors, people from work, and less so with people from church and my daughters' school. (Note the convenience factor with all these friendships.)

We're not huge on get togethers at my house. I probably have people over about 4 times a year. Some of the people I consider really good friends have never asked me over. In my circle, we're all just tired from working and parenting and like to have most of our free time with our families.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I don't really have any advice to offer, I just wanted to let you know that I empathize and wish you all the best.

[inave]

I think Knoxville Native hit the nail on the head. I've got tons of "close acquaintances" since moving to K'ville almost 5 years ago but no close "friends". I believe most people have such limited free time that it is difficult to find any extra time to invest in friendships. On the other hand, any time I've needed anything, someone has always been willing to help. I must admit that, although I have no children at home, I am busier now than ever and I don't have a whole lot of time (or energy) to invest in a "let's do everything together" type of friendship. I think if we had younger neighbors, it would be easier but everyone on our street is either over 90 or middle-aged single men. Strange, isn't it?!

[hiknapster]

Most of our neighbors are over 80 and well-beyond. I have never seen so many very old, skinny men pushing lawnmowers in my life. As we noticed another one, yesterday, I turned to my husband and asked him to remind me to keep drinking the water.

[toreachbeyondthesunset]

Originally Posted by Pam& Bill

Snapdragon,

Reaching out one time and being rejected does not count for all of Knoxville. I see it as a poor timing issue. Maybe the kids really did have to weed the garden... Part of being in a relationship is give and take and friendships work that way too. Part of friendships is gelling with the other person and fitting in comfortably in that persons life. A friend should add something to the other persons life. A friendship will not form or grow if one person is unrelenting and demanding. That is being needy. In my experience I run the other way from neediness. Needy people are selfish people and most have negative attitudes. I don't have time for needy people in my life.
I was a transplant here 4 years ago. Didn't know a soul here except my husband. I do not work or drive. I'd say my situation really puts me behind the eight ball. Yet I have made friends and a life here. I'd say that some are more crippled then I am. I don't look at friendships as what it can do for me, but what I get out of the exchange.I'm open to meeting new people and letting things evolve in their own time. I don't try to put an expiration date on how long it takes to make a friend. Forming friendships isn't a competition, to beat the time frame on how long it took to make a friend as in the last place.
From your post Snapdragon and what I'm going to say is based solely on what you said. I don't know you and I may be way off base here.....
but maybe it is time to do some reflection and re-evaluating on how you see friendships? When that one woman said no, it wasn't a good time. Did you pursue it and ask when would be a good time? From what you wrote, you were insulted and hurt so backed off and closed the door. Friendship takes time and work as in all relationships of any kind. At least any adult relationships I know of. Again check your expectations of what you are looking for in a friend. Add some tolerance and loosen up and let them just evolve, don't try to control the outcome to what you want. Consider the other person.I bet if you do those things, you'll have lots of friends in no time.
Pam

I was helped by your posting. I am moving to Knoxville in August to continue with my education at UT. I am transfering from the University of Idaho. Before that I lived in California and before that, I spent some time in North Carolina. Iam originally form Uganda. Needless to say, I have moved around quite often and feel that its time I found a place to call home. All the postings I have read on here have helped me form an idea about what kind of place knoxville is. It looks like a place filled with genuine, friendly, warm, good and decent people whom I would be privileged to call friends.
Reading this post compelled me to sign up and respond because it made me realise that the reason I have not made many friends during my stay in Idaho is not because of other people but because of my attitudes and expectations. I have been too needy for companionship and unable to loosen up and let things evolve. I should be paying you instead of my therapist.
I look forward to meeting the good people of Knoxville; the real salt of the earth.

[TnStone]

As a Knoxville native that moved away for work, I have to say that Knoxville is still very much a small town in many ways socially. West Knoxville and student life isn't as bad (due to the transplant culture there), but the rest of Knoxville is primarily people that have been there for extended periods of time and have deep rooted social nets. Havings said that, I can say that it typically only takes meeting one person that you really get along with to then be introduced to a larger group of their friends. It can be tough at times (as I have now learned in Atlanta), but the more you put into meeting people the more people you will meet. Sometimes you just have to be creative and get out whenever you can.

[LovinLife2007]

I'm just outside of Knoxville, and I suppose I'm the opposite of what some are describing. I'm not closed off to new friends, in fact, I'm actively trying to make new ones. I do have some staple friends that I grew up with and some I met in college, but I'd just like some new ones on top of the old ones. Some new experiences, not the same ole same ole. They're busy alot, and I am a stay at home mom with loads of time on her hands. Anyways, I guess what I am trying to say is, I welcome anyone who is interested in having a new friend. I'd love to have more & I'm never to busy for anyone! Maybe all of us who are looking should just meet for lunch? LOL!