LA dating & culture differences there vs everywhere else (Lincoln: appointed, hotel)
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I've heard a lot about this. I've heard that it's harder in LA, then I've heard that it's easier in LA, people are more outgoing, not as closed off, open to meeting new people, lots of people from all over. Then I've heard its the hardest place for dating in the country, men outnumber, you need to be rich above all, then I've heard that looks trump money in LA in ways that generally would not in other cities.
Example, a good looking waiter or hotel valet in his late 20s/early 30s can date attractive women - where in a city like Chicago or D.C. - he would just be seen as a complete stooge. Even worse in a city like Dallas where women are known for their "husband shopping".
About me, I'm late 20s, attractive and in good shape. Somewhat androgynous like a modern day Rudolph Valentino. Also, very into style, and the midwest (where I am right now) intentionally sets an absymally low threshold to call a male "gay". I'm straight, but in this society, any "pretty boy" is gay. Coupled with the fact that several midwestern cities now think its "cool" to have a visible gay population (they all want to be more like coastal cities)...women will assume you're gay, and actually be disappointed when they find out you aren't interested in being their gay friend.
A good way to look at it...the midwest just has this "straitjacket" mentality, guys try to act so macho and brutish, it's not even funny. I heard LA guys aren't as like this (obviously being so large you'll find everything), and I didn't spend enough time in LA to really get an understanding for the differences in social dynamics there, so maybe someone who has lived in the midwest previously can fill me in. Also heard women in LA are willing to date guys almost purely off looks, which in a lot of places they are all about money & financial stability. The amount of available attractive women past age 22 is very low. I've known very attractive women who have gotten over 100 messages on match.com within hours of signing up. The average available woman isn't attractive (the young hot ones really do get swept up early here), then you have "average" women who think they are hot because they get attention from good-looking guys that wouldn't give them attention elsewhere. Looking at match.com in LA...it just seems pages and pages of attractive women. Of course, there are more guys too, but per capita, there's a huge difference.
Just reading the LA forum sometimes, you don't see the same level of frivolous discussion, petty arguments, the hyper-sensitivity the midwest is known for. It's another thing I want to get away from. People complain about traffic cameras, like that's the only thing in existence here (Des Moines, IA). Everyone thinks they are the mayor, people are too obsessed with "civic this, civic that" what their neighbor is doing. I lived in Chicago as well and it seemed like nothing but a collection of midwestern cities. If I never returned, I wouldn't care. All in all, I won't say I hate the midwest, but I need to leave. There is also too much of a "Stuff White People Like" vibe as well in any "yuppie" part of the midwest.
Don't like the culture here, someone can have be all tattooed up to their neck with green hair, and that person is more understood than a very stylish male (who must be gay). It doesn't make sense. Time to leave.
Main question...is it really easier for "not as masculine" guys in LA? Or is a lot of LA (once you get away from the west-side) just as straitjacketed as the rest of the country? I know LA has a large mexican population and they are always straitjacked.
Last edited by moonsparkle; 08-10-2012 at 11:28 PM..
I've heard a lot about this. I've heard that it's harder in LA, then I've heard that it's easier in LA, people are more outgoing, not as closed off, open to meeting new people, lots of people from all over. Then I've heard its the hardest place for dating in the country, men outnumber, you need to be rich above all, then I've heard that looks trump money in LA in ways that generally would not in other cities.
Example, a good looking waiter or hotel valet in his late 20s/early 30s can date attractive women - where in a city like Chicago or D.C. - he would just be seen as a complete stooge. Even worse in a city like Dallas where women are known for their "husband shopping".
About me, I'm late 20s, attractive and in good shape. Somewhat androgynous like a modern day Rudolph Valentino. Also, very into style, and the midwest (where I am right now) intentionally sets an absymally low threshold to call a male "gay". I'm straight, but in this society, any "pretty boy" is gay. Coupled with the fact that several midwestern cities now think its "cool" to have a visible gay population (they all want to be more like coastal cities)...women will assume you're gay, and actually be disappointed when they find out you aren't interested in being their gay friend.
A good way to look at it...the midwest just has this "straitjacket" mentality, guys try to act so macho and brutish, it's not even funny. I heard LA guys aren't as like this (obviously being so large you'll find everything), and I didn't spend enough time in LA to really get an understanding for the differences in social dynamics there, so maybe someone who has lived in the midwest previously can fill me in. Also heard women in LA are willing to date guys almost purely off looks, which in a lot of places they are all about money & financial stability. The amount of available attractive women past age 22 is very low. I've known very attractive women who have gotten over 100 messages on match.com within hours of signing up. The average available woman isn't attractive (the young hot ones really do get swept up early here), then you have "average" women who think they are hot because they get attention from good-looking guys that wouldn't give them attention elsewhere. Looking at match.com in LA...it just seems pages and pages of attractive women. Of course, there are more guys too, but per capita, there's a huge difference.
Just reading the LA forum sometimes, you don't see the same level of frivolous discussion, petty arguments, the hyper-sensitivity the midwest is known for. It's another thing I want to get away from. People complain about traffic cameras, like that's the only thing in existence here (Des Moines, IA). Everyone thinks they are the mayor, people are too obsessed with "civic this, civic that" what their neighbor is doing. I lived in Chicago as well and it seemed like nothing but a collection of midwestern cities. If I never returned, I wouldn't care. All in all, I won't say I hate the midwest, but I need to leave. There is also too much of a "Stuff White People Like" vibe as well in any "yuppie" part of the midwest.
Don't like the culture here, someone can have be all tattooed up to their neck with green hair, and that person is more understood than a very stylish male (who must be gay). It doesn't make sense. Time to leave.
Main question...is it really easier for "not as masculine" guys in LA? Or is a lot of LA (once you get away from the west-side) just as straitjacketed as the rest of the country? I know LA has a large mexican population and they are always straitjacked.
You have made a lot of major points I totally agree with. And while I'm a little suspicious of whether or not you might have another username, (you posts sound very similar to another poster, but I'm not going into that at all. I think you and I have a lot of similar ground.
I believe dating and meeting women in LA is easier for someone from their late 20s and onward.
I truly believe that midwestern girls are ABSOLUTELY just as cute as anywhere else no question, but you are correct, the herd DOES get thin.
Out here in LA, women do complain a lot about how the dating sucks. Seriously if you have just a little old fasioned chivalry, don't just care about their looks, don't try to sleep with them, they will think you are a catch.
And you are right, straight "pretty boys" are common enough, and women are used to this, that they don't think twice that a guy can be into style and not be gay.
And you are correct about the midwest, the single scenes that do exist are "stuff white people like yuppy", punk-hipster style, and the gay scene, which people are very tolerant of, and even point out, but while they may be sincerely tolerant of that, they are not exposed to enough straight pretty boys in the midwest.
Myself - in many ways I am a typical guy. I am very outdoorsy, many of the jobs I have had before when I wasn't teaching, have been field technician jobs, gathering data, etc. so I'm used to being in the sun, wind. I am a huge hiking enthusiast, I fish, camp, I change the flat and jump start the car if need be, etc., etc.
BUT . . . . in spite of all this, I am secure in my masculinity enough, to dabble in what might be considered metrosexual tendencies and fashions.
True stories to illustrate my point. These are stories of hanging out with friends/aquaintances, etc.
I sometimes where a small CZ stud in my left ear. Something guys, even macho guys have been doing for years now, and this women, my age, my generation, who thinks Chicago is the greatest city ever, was like "so, whats with the earring, is that like supposed to represent something?" I said "no its just a fashion statment" she goes, "well, whatever floats you boat"
Another story back in the Chicago suburbs, I went out to a bar one time, wearing a sweater vest (and t-shirt) (not a bad look in my opinion) and I seriously got little harmless jokes from my friends about coming out of the closet. I know it was all just for fun, but it is reflective.
A get together with some friends and an ex girlfriend who I remained friends with after we broke up, told me after I decided to just go with a salad at a bar/grill, to watch my weight and she was like " OMG, I am going to slap you, you're a guy, you look fine, you don't need to worry about that!" I was like well you do, she goes "thats different, I'm a woman."
These occurred in the Chicago area And you would just NEVER hear this kind of thing in LA.
You are right about Chicago. I believe Chicago has one of the most amazing greater downtown areas in the country, and the suburbs are some great places to grow up and raise a family. But just a few miles from downtown, and it easily just like all other midwestern metro areas. I guess the civic thing are good values, but if midwest cities want to be seen as cosmopolitan being entrenched in local politics, etc. isn't going to do it.
I will add the thing with the cameras is a big issue everywhere including here in LA. They are rediculous, and borderline illegal to make people pay those big fines.
The midwest really despises when a male is too into his looks. It is acceptable for women, but a lot of women let themselves go...and they still have a substantial amount of guys after them given. The dating pool is never good past college. It's sort of strange being a guy with a better knowledge of fashion than most women (besides the ones who take regular trips to Vegas/LA/Miami but they are not the norm). When the threshold for too much male vanity is intentionally set abysmally low, cross that line, you're assumed gay. The only way to offset this is to be a near-bodybuilder. Being in normal good shape isn't enough...watch your diet like you said...that's gay too. I noticed in Chicago people generally had zero regard for eating healthy (sans the Lincoln Park/Lakeview crowd). Midwestern guys are also very predictable, it's almost like the bigger goofball you are - the better. Too much of this "git-r-done" halfway country personality. There's also this onion-reading sarcasm (among the educated bloc) that is just way too prevalent in the midwest and people seem too predictable.
One thing I have noticed, while a lot of the people in the midwest have this dislike for LA - usually the cool & attractive people from their mid-20s and up will be able to admit LA is a much "cooler" place and express desire in wanting to go there.
Also, the whole college football culture is just something I've grown bored with over the years.
Last edited by moonsparkle; 08-11-2012 at 01:20 AM..
But this is one of the reasons I love the Midwest. Men act like men. No "pretty boys" here If you're a guy and you're shopping for "name brands" or wearing an earring or being "sensitive" like a woman, you will be laughed or at least smirked at. Also I love this attitude of the women that they need a "big strong man to take care of me" (direct quote). This is much different from the coasts and if you can find a pretty one, these women would make really good wives...
Having gone to college and having lived in Southern California for many years, it is an "appearance" related culture and dating scene (of course, some exceptions exist). It is tough for those who do not catch on to the unwritten rules or "code" that exists in LA. I have seen people reject others based solely on appearance factors, without giving the other party any chance to introduce themselves or even strike up a casual conversation.
Arguably, Southern California does have some of the most attractive women on the planet and in order to date them, a male must be attractive and reasonably (at least, appear to be) pretty well off.
But this is one of the reasons I love the Midwest. Men act like men. No "pretty boys" here If you're a guy and you're shopping for "name brands" or wearing an earring or being "sensitive" like a woman, you will be laughed or at least smirked at. Also I love this attitude of the women that they need a "big strong man to take care of me" (direct quote). This is much different from the coasts and if you can find a pretty one, these women would make really good wives...
Fashion is still seen as something only gays should be concerned with, agreed. The whole "metrosexual" wave was a step in the right direction but it didn't last long.
Although, "hipster" style has become fairly mainstream and that hasn't really been equated with gay. The midwest hipster is generally sort of an Abercrombie/American eagle style hipster, lol. Not many real hipsters.
Having gone to college and having lived in Southern California for many years, it is an "appearance" related culture and dating scene (of course, some exceptions exist). It is tough for those who do not catch on to the unwritten rules or "code" that exists in LA. I have seen people reject others based solely on appearance factors, without giving the other party any chance to introduce themselves or even strike up a casual conversation.
Arguably, Southern California does have some of the most attractive women on the planet and in order to date them, a male must be attractive and reasonably (at least, appear to be) pretty well off.
This. I think that if you don't have some eclectic look; yippie (yuppie/hippie), hipster, cool nerd, rock star, etc. you will not even get a glance. You gotta have a sleeve tattoo, an H&M vneck, and skinny jeans to get a girl to talk to you at the bars.
I know what you mean OP, I grew up in Texas where, like the midwest, the "macho man" is supreme and the more rugged/ugly you look the more attention you will get.
After living here in LA, the metrosexual culture is prevalent that I seriously cannot tell if a lot of men here are gay or straight. Nothing wrong with that, it was just an observation. I mean, back home I thought I was pretty metro, but after coming here, I saw myself questioning people's sexuality like the people back home did about me.
I am already taken so I am not in the dating scene yet, but I can imagine it's hard in LA for someone who doesn't have that LA Look like I described above.
But Texas, especially Houston, is way more sexed up. What I mean by that it's way more of a hook up town, which to my surprise LA is really not so much.
So. OP you're going from one extreme to the other. The midwest may have that "git r' done" mentality where the uglier you are but more bravado you spew, you get a pedestal at the bar/club, but LA has the total opposite where I see tall as hell Dolph Lundgren looking guys wearing skinny jeans! Too much into looks and if you don't have that look you're not getting anywhere.
There is a good-looking rugged type guy (which I think is what the women there really want), but they aren't the majority.
For most of the "rugged/regular guys", provided they aren't fat, average height, and at least wear clean clothes - might still amaze women in the midwest.
I like your observations...they seem accurate. Sort of hard to believe that Houston is a more "sexed up" town than LA though. Houston for a big city, is still known as a "marry right after college" place.
Houston is more sexed up than in LA, because Houston I hate to admit is a much more sleazy town at night. During the day it's a conservative society but at night it's like a drunken housewife out on the town with her friends.
Yes, a lot of women in Texas and the midwest, would prefer a hot looking rugged guy but in these areas they do not exist in droves. The guy that gets anything he wants in these areas is tall, 6'0 and up, Caucasian, average looking, not fat but not toned, and extremely boisterous. That's what a lot of women are accustomed to, and if you're into looks, fashion and can rock an outfit and actually LOOK GOOD, you will not be taken seriously by the opposite sex. They will think you're gay or not a man.
FACT.
In LA though, I have to deal with the opposite. If you're not sporting a sleeve tattoo, wear my car/house keys on my belt loop, rocking skinny jeans, a fedora hat and aviators, then the same thing happens. There are also a lot of pretty boys that you have to talk to for a while to make out if they're gay or straight. You just cannot tell.
It's just what a lot of the girls are accustomed to here. I would assume that if someone were a douchey midwestern/Texas guy that brought that heartland attitude with him, girls wouldn't even give him the time of day and actually find him ugly.
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If you're a guy and you're shopping for "name brands" or wearing an earring or being "sensitive" like a woman, you will be laughed or at least smirked at. Also I love this attitude of the women that they need a "big strong man to take care of me" (direct quote). This is much different from the coasts and if you can find a pretty one, these women would make really good wives...
