Dating as a black woman in LA (Los Angeles: 2014, movies)

[jbold1]

Hello,

I moved to Los Angeles in June 2013 and I've had the hardest time dating since I moved here and I am not sure what the problem is. I am originally from Memphis, TN but always had family here in LA as well as on the East Coast. I am not opposed to dating outside of my race but I never in all my adult years had a hard time dating being asked out, or approached. I feel after my short time here that black women in the eyes of black men are not an option. I am more comfortable dating black men as its what I am used to, but maybe it's time for me to open up. There presents another problem, how do you date as a woman in general in LA??? Please help!!

[theraven24]

I don't think we can help you attract men and get them to ask you out. Just be yourself. If someone wants to ask you out, they will.

[BIGBLUE 951SUR]

I think that you and all black women need to acknowledge that black men are no longer an option for you. Because theyre all running off to seek white women you may not be used to this because your from the south. Where interracial relationships aren't as widespread and common as they are in the Westcoast Eastcoast and Midwest. I think its a shame that black men bypass theyre own to be with women of other races. Because black women are stunning beautiful and have amazing bodies. And through experience from dating black women ive noticed theyre very loyal and less likely to cheat definitely marriage material. So my advice to you is to date outside your race because if you wait for a black man to approach you most likely your going to wait for a very long time. Everytime I go out to the bars or clubs I see the black women showing up alone and leaving alone. Because black men are to busy chasing white women. And other men dont approach black women because they think theyre only interested in theyre own kind. Which is not true im Chicano (Mexican American) and im approached by black women often and I love it.

[jamills21]

Before I lived in LA I lived in ATL for 5 years and one of the things I noticed Is that the older women get, the harder it is to meet a man, especially in LA. Another problem I've seen is... Fair or not... Is that African American men have no problems dating outside of race, but women do. Lastly, men in LA get rejected a lot... Or so I hear... And some women are too choosy( controversy).

Funny enough I heard the same complaints from my women friends in Atlanta after college. And I've also heard the same thing from women in places like DC & NY. It's all the same theme tho... "Men don't approach me", "The men aren't serious", "There are too many gay black guys" (heard that alot about DC & ATL).

Black Men do like Black women, but they are not going to ask you out just cause your black when every other race in LA loves black men too.

[NyWriterdude]

Originally Posted by jbold1

Hello,

I moved to Los Angeles in June 2013 and I've had the hardest time dating since I moved here and I am not sure what the problem is. I am originally from Memphis, TN but always had family here in LA as well as on the East Coast. I am not opposed to dating outside of my race but I never in all my adult years had a hard time dating being asked out, or approached. I feel after my short time here that black women in the eyes of black men are not an option. I am more comfortable dating black men as its what I am used to, but maybe it's time for me to open up. There presents another problem, how do you date as a woman in general in LA??? Please help!!

Maybe you need to ask the guys out and open your mind to men of all races as well.

[NyWriterdude]

Originally Posted by jamills21

Before I lived in LA I lived in ATL for 5 years and one of the things I noticed Is that the older women get, the harder it is to meet a man, especially in LA. Another problem I've seen is... Fair or not... Is that African American men have no problems dating outside of race, but women do. Lastly, men in LA get rejected a lot... Or so I hear... And some women are too choosy( controversy).

Funny enough I heard the same complaints from my women friends in Atlanta after college. And I've also heard the same thing from women in places like DC & NY. It's all the same theme tho... "Men don't approach me", "The men aren't serious", "There are too many gay black guys" (heard that alot about DC & ATL).

Black Men do like Black women, but they are not going to ask you out just cause your black when every other race in LA loves black men too.

All a woman has to do get guys is go out and have a few drinks with some dudes. Plenty of men of all races will be interested.

[quixotic59]

It's 2014, stop waiting to be pursued. From your post you sound intelligent and thoughtful. If you want something, don't be shy, go get it. Good luck!

[theraven24]

OP, I'm a young black woman myself, and I've been approached by multiple races. I've noticed I've received a lot of attention from Europeans, but I've received the most attention from black men.

Just give it time. It'll happen, you just have to be patient. You should start approaching men.

[CALGUY]

"Dating as a black woman" sounds so stupid.
Makes it seem you are of some other race, and you want to see if you make yourself look black, your dating game may be different , and more to your liking.
Why don't you just remove the title to your post to say, black woman wants to start dating.
Bob.

[bpeeps]

OP, everyone telling you to date outside your race doesn't realize it is much easier said than done.

As more and more black guys date white girls, the reverse is simply much harder to accomplish (not impossible, but more difficult). From an early age, straight hair, light skin, docile personalities, thin bodies are what the media reinforces. These white beauty standards are presented to us in everything we consume, television, movies, magazines, media, etc. Because black women don't meet these standards, other races (especially white men) generalize and say things like "I'm not attracted to black girls". Anecdotally speaking, I've heard many of my white male friends say things similar.

Black women are stereotyped as loud, overbearing, overweight, with personalities that are too strong and opinionated. For those who grow up outside the African American culture, this is what they see. This is what the media tells them to think of black women. These are the black women they notice the most. They don't notice you sitting at the bar alone, because they're too busy gawking at the girl with braids who is laughing loudly with her friends. You could be as far from the stereotype as possible.

So you wanting to date black guys because it's what you know, because you have race in common, is perfectly fine. But if the opportunity presents itself to date outside of your race, don't leave yourself pigeonholed. Explore.

Considering that's all the information you've given us, it's hard to say why black guys (or any guys) don't approach you. Where are you looking to meet guys? Bars? Clubs? The Los Angeles public library? The red line? If you see someone you like, strike up a conversation. Again, don't leave yourself in the archaic mindset that a guy has to approach you to be interested. In this day and age, setting up a profile on OKC or eHarmony is a viable alternative to meeting a hottie at the bar. I'd expand your dating horizon by opening yourself up to new avenues.

As with anything, these forums can be extremely racist / stereotypical, so just try to ignore the closet racist comments in the guise of actual advice.