Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So to Zarathu because I think that was a well-considered opinion (and not hostile, like others, despite that I clearly said what I wrote was my opinion posted with sadness and trepidation), and I didn't read all the others because they just seemed unconstructive at a cursory glance.
Here is just one example of what I'm talking about:
My neighborhood has a large population of Republicans (how do I know -- their signs are all over the yard before elections, lol, and one of them is a far-right-wing candidate). More than a few fly the Marine Corps flag and have insignias and emblems decorating their houses and cars. These people are the most rude and hostile. When I walk by their houses, I wave and smile and they just glare at me coldly. Occasionally I compliment them on their yard or say "nice day, isn't it?", and they ignore me. Why -- is it my shabby shirt? My dog (who is always on the leash, quiet, and I pick up after him every time)?
Why this is sadly ironic -- my spouse is a Marine Corps veteran currently serving a tour in Iraq. He has been overseas the entire time we've lived here. My neighbors look at me like I'm some bit of baggage washed up on the beach, and yet we've served our country honorably and with great dedication for many years in many hard places. If my neighbors had shown the slightest bit of interest or friendliness back, they might find out who we are (and contrary to what some here think -- I am not "in anyone's face", "overly friendly" or force anything), but the point is, they don't ask and they don't care. At this point I am done with trying to be friendly, and if this is how they treat people (any people), then I sure don't want to be shouting 'Semper Fi' to identify as a member of that "clan". I fly my flag proudly (we have lived in places where for security reasons we were not allowed to) on our national holidays and Veteran's Day. Funny but true: once I put a yellow ribbon outside my house, and then went to mow my lawn. One of the guys from my street pulled up in his car. He just sat there staring at me mowing the lawn, at that yellow ribbon, and then after 3 minutes just drove away. I have seen over and over how Mainers really excel at that cold stare.
To the person (Fern?) who mentioned that she lives in the DC area and it's stressful: I know what you mean. When we lived in NoVA we were below the poverty line. It was hard, but we had a neighborhood. Neighbors sat in each other's yards drinking coffee or a glass of wine while the kids ran around playing Capture the Flag. We had block parties, group yard sales and a bunch of us all trick-or-treated with our kids. The kids had lemonade stands and tree forts. When an older neighbor died, we all showed up with food and hugs for the family. We were all races, ages, shapes, sizes, backgrounds and professions. Nobody was 'well off'. It was all fine, everyone was accepted and included. Now that was a few years ago (many moves ago for us), the kids are mostly grown up and gone, and even though financially it's a stretch, I'm going to take my tired self and my deathly ill pets and go back there and live.
And to some Mainers on this board -- thanks for the shove.
Artfan, I am sorry that has been your experience while living in Maine. Many thanks to your husband and you for his service in the Marines. Having a spouse deployed and ill pets add to the stress. I can relate (my husband was deployed for a year).
Not sure what years you lived here in northern Virginia or in what section, but it surprises me hat you had such a positive sense of community here. You must have found a nice group of people. We moved here at the very height of the housing bubble, when people were particularly unfriendly to military families. Unfortunately that first impression set the overall tone for our time here. This area is constantly changing.
I hope your move to the DC area meets your expectations. The noVA forum will give you a good impression of the "friendly, tolerant" atmosphere here.
^ ^ Kinda like the "friendly, tolerant" atmosphere on the Maine section?
But no need to paste bandaids over your mouth when saying something sarcastic, that tone should work well for you here.
It wasn't so much that it was an overly nice group of people, it's just that when you waved to your neighbor, they waved back. Normal, you know? We made it happen, because when we were kind and considerate, they were kind and considerate back. It wasn't like talking to a stone wall.
So to Zarathu because I think that was a well-considered opinion (and not hostile, like others, despite that I clearly said what I wrote was my opinion posted with sadness and trepidation), and I didn't read all the others because they just seemed unconstructive at a cursory glance.
Here is just one example of what I'm talking about:
My neighborhood has a large population of Republicans (how do I know -- their signs are all over the yard before elections, lol, and one of them is a far-right-wing candidate). More than a few fly the Marine Corps flag and have insignias and emblems decorating their houses and cars. These people are the most rude and hostile. When I walk by their houses, I wave and smile and they just glare at me coldly. Occasionally I compliment them on their yard or say "nice day, isn't it?", and they ignore me. Why -- is it my shabby shirt? My dog (who is always on the leash, quiet, and I pick up after him every time)?
Why this is sadly ironic -- my spouse is a Marine Corps veteran currently serving a tour in Iraq. He has been overseas the entire time we've lived here. My neighbors look at me like I'm some bit of baggage washed up on the beach, and yet we've served our country honorably and with great dedication for many years in many hard places. If my neighbors had shown the slightest bit of interest or friendliness back, they might find out who we are (and contrary to what some here think -- I am not "in anyone's face", "overly friendly" or force anything), but the point is, they don't ask and they don't care. At this point I am done with trying to be friendly, and if this is how they treat people (any people), then I sure don't want to be shouting 'Semper Fi' to identify as a member of that "clan". I fly my flag proudly (we have lived in places where for security reasons we were not allowed to) on our national holidays and Veteran's Day. Funny but true: once I put a yellow ribbon outside my house, and then went to mow my lawn. One of the guys from my street pulled up in his car. He just sat there staring at me mowing the lawn, at that yellow ribbon, and then after 3 minutes just drove away. I have seen over and over how Mainers really excel at that cold stare.
To the person (Fern?) who mentioned that she lives in the DC area and it's stressful: I know what you mean. When we lived in NoVA we were below the poverty line. It was hard, but we had a neighborhood. Neighbors sat in each other's yards drinking coffee or a glass of wine while the kids ran around playing Capture the Flag. We had block parties, group yard sales and a bunch of us all trick-or-treated with our kids. The kids had lemonade stands and tree forts. When an older neighbor died, we all showed up with food and hugs for the family. We were all races, ages, shapes, sizes, backgrounds and professions. Nobody was 'well off'. It was all fine, everyone was accepted and included. Now that was a few years ago (many moves ago for us), the kids are mostly grown up and gone, and even though financially it's a stretch, I'm going to take my tired self and my deathly ill pets and go back there and live.
And to some Mainers on this board -- thanks for the shove.
What you're describing sounds like a practice called shunning, which is used by a society to punish someone.
Could be you unknowingly commited some grave offense, and that's why your neighbors are giving you the cold shoulder.
Though meaning well, accidentally saying the wrong thing is very easy to do. There must be a hundred ways one can get into trouble like that.
And the more you talk, the bigger the chance something will come out wrong.
BTW, do you dress like your neighbors, wear your hair like your neighbors?
Do you drive a radically different kind of car than your neighbors drive?
Does your car have bumper stickers? Does your house look like your neighbors' houses?
I bet many of the people on this website who are saying how great their neighbors are to them, will admit that there are ways they might comport themselves that would give their neighbors offense, and would cause these friendly neighbors to shun them, too.
Such is probably true of any community in the world.
But also it's possible that you landed in a place that just doesn't like outsiders. I don't doubt that such places exist--and despite what I've read on this website, may even predominate in Maine.
Like it or not, the onus is on the outsider to fit in.
Important diagnostic question: Do you know of anyone who moved to your town from away, whom the locals treat better than you?
So to Zarathu because I think that was a well-considered opinion (and not hostile, like others, despite that I clearly said what I wrote was my opinion posted with sadness and trepidation), and I didn't read all the others because they just seemed unconstructive at a cursory glance.
Here is just one example of what I'm talking about:
My neighborhood has a large population of Republicans (how do I know -- their signs are all over the yard before elections, lol, and one of them is a far-right-wing candidate). More than a few fly the Marine Corps flag and have insignias and emblems decorating their houses and cars. These people are the most rude and hostile. When I walk by their houses, I wave and smile and they just glare at me coldly. Occasionally I compliment them on their yard or say "nice day, isn't it?", and they ignore me. Why -- is it my shabby shirt? My dog (who is always on the leash, quiet, and I pick up after him every time)?
Why this is sadly ironic -- my spouse is a Marine Corps veteran currently serving a tour in Iraq. He has been overseas the entire time we've lived here. My neighbors look at me like I'm some bit of baggage washed up on the beach, and yet we've served our country honorably and with great dedication for many years in many hard places. If my neighbors had shown the slightest bit of interest or friendliness back, they might find out who we are (and contrary to what some here think -- I am not "in anyone's face", "overly friendly" or force anything), but the point is, they don't ask and they don't care. At this point I am done with trying to be friendly, and if this is how they treat people (any people), then I sure don't want to be shouting 'Semper Fi' to identify as a member of that "clan". I fly my flag proudly (we have lived in places where for security reasons we were not allowed to) on our national holidays and Veteran's Day. Funny but true: once I put a yellow ribbon outside my house, and then went to mow my lawn. One of the guys from my street pulled up in his car. He just sat there staring at me mowing the lawn, at that yellow ribbon, and then after 3 minutes just drove away. I have seen over and over how Mainers really excel at that cold stare.
To the person (Fern?) who mentioned that she lives in the DC area and it's stressful: I know what you mean. When we lived in NoVA we were below the poverty line. It was hard, but we had a neighborhood. Neighbors sat in each other's yards drinking coffee or a glass of wine while the kids ran around playing Capture the Flag. We had block parties, group yard sales and a bunch of us all trick-or-treated with our kids. The kids had lemonade stands and tree forts. When an older neighbor died, we all showed up with food and hugs for the family. We were all races, ages, shapes, sizes, backgrounds and professions. Nobody was 'well off'. It was all fine, everyone was accepted and included. Now that was a few years ago (many moves ago for us), the kids are mostly grown up and gone, and even though financially it's a stretch, I'm going to take my tired self and my deathly ill pets and go back there and live.
And to some Mainers on this board -- thanks for the shove.
wow. You sound very upset about your Maine experience. I don't know if you have posted what town you live in...? It's definitely what you make of a place, to an extent, but sometimes you can never penetrate the impenetrable. I live in Massachusetts (for the past 2 years) and it's a tough crowd. Truly if you're not from here... well, you're not from here.
I had lived in North Carolina and experienced hostility, but in a different way.... sounds like something else is up with the neighborhood treatment of you.... just my opinion. Any other drama going??
We're moving to Maine in a month or so and we can't wait. EVERYONE has been sooo nice - from job interviews, to local people, to the local schools. It has made me tear up at how open, warm, and welcoming people are to us - so different from our experience in Massachusetts. But of course, I learned quite quickly to say that we're not from Massachusetts!!! There is definitely some resentment... attitude goes a long long way...
Best of luck, movingtoNH, again, everyone's experience is different. I'm not sure why it's necessary for you to disavow Massachusetts...unless....hm....provincial, xenophobic attitudes perhaps?
Parse or analyze if you will the behavior of my neighbors, assume I did something to cause this if it makes you feel better, do any kind of contortions you want, but sometimes the simplest explanation applies (ol' Occam's Razor): that might be just the way people are here, for whatever reason.
To all of you who sent me Direct Messages to say you secretly agree with me, and that this happened to you, why don't you say it right out? Is there some bully who manages this board that you are afraid of? Or do you just rather not have your statements endlessly attacked, quoted and assumptions made about you (and I find that an entirely understandable reason to not post)?
"BTW, do you dress like your neighbors, wear your hair like your neighbors?
Do you drive a radically different kind of car than your neighbors drive?
Does your car have bumper stickers? Does your house look like your neighbors' houses?"
For crying out loud. I wear LL Bean like everyone else, I drive a minivan, my house looks just like when we moved in. Seriously, is that what this country is -- you should expect to be shunned (bullied) if there is anything, anything at all that makes you different. Weren't we supposed to grow out of that in junior high?
This is the culture that we are defending with our lives in the service?
I did not send you a Direct Message - anything I deem worth saying, I say it right here on this board. That being said - I don't wear LL Bean and I don't drive a minivan although I'd like to have one because it's a long trip - 1100 miles - from the WV house to the Eastport house.
Seriously though, I really don't understand why you are having these problems. We've owned our house in Eastport for going on 7 years and we've never experienced what you have experienced. Before that, we owned land in Mid Coast for 7 years and again, never experienced it.
I feel that maybe you're in the wrong part of Maine if you are ignored or treated badly, that's all I can think of - we approached the people of Eastport with a smile and a Hello! or a wave or a little light conversation. We asked questions and the locals were more than happy to tell us the answers. If we went to the local diner alone, it wasn't long before one of our new friends invited us to sit with them and introduced us to more people at the table. We stopped to admire a garden or a particular house and had some nice talks with the locals. We joined the Library, hubby switched his membership to the local Masonic lodge. We talked to people who work with the utilities in Eastport and they've been wonderful. We hire local labor to work on our house and before long we were stopping to talk to them at the grocery store or the gas station.
I've honestly not had one problem with the locals - I imagine I will one day, but until then, I'm happy in my little Maine community and the trips all over Maine that we've made have given us the same friendly treatment.
Only thing I can say again, is that you must be living somewhere that's just not friendly.
I did not send you a Direct Message - anything I deem worth saying, I say it right here on this board. That being said - I don't wear LL Bean and I don't drive a minivan although I'd like to have one because it's a long trip - 1100 miles - from the WV house to the Eastport house.
Seriously though, I really don't understand why you are having these problems. We've owned our house in Eastport for going on 7 years and we've never experienced what you have experienced. Before that, we owned land in Mid Coast for 7 years and again, never experienced it.
I feel that maybe you're in the wrong part of Maine if you are ignored or treated badly, that's all I can think of - we approached the people of Eastport with a smile and a Hello! or a wave or a little light conversation. We asked questions and the locals were more than happy to tell us the answers. If we went to the local diner alone, it wasn't long before one of our new friends invited us to sit with them and introduced us to more people at the table. We stopped to admire a garden or a particular house and had some nice talks with the locals. We joined the Library, hubby switched his membership to the local Masonic lodge. We talked to people who work with the utilities in Eastport and they've been wonderful. We hire local labor to work on our house and before long we were stopping to talk to them at the grocery store or the gas station.
I've honestly not had one problem with the locals - I imagine I will one day, but until then, I'm happy in my little Maine community and the trips all over Maine that we've made have given us the same friendly treatment.
Only thing I can say again, is that you must be living somewhere that's just not friendly.
Every area can be different.
A place like Eastport is likely to have a different outlook than people in other locales.
For one thing, I sense that Eastport is used to having outsiders move there, and the livings of many Eastporters, native and newcomers, are helped a lot by the influx of newcomers to a city that otherwise would continue to deteriorate from people leaving and a shrinking tax base and shrinking economy.
In other towns and cities, wherein the inhabitants believe they are doing well enough without outsiders, the attitude can be more protectionist.
We moved to a very small community last summer. All of the residents I've met have been here for generations. We have been warmly welcomed. Neighbors have brought us vegetables from their garden, syopped by "just to check" on us, picked up, serviced and returned our car, mowed our yard, stopped to see if we needed help with snow removal, etc. Any time I run into a neighbor "in town" they greet me like an old friend.
Did I mention I love living here?
Last edited by msina; 04-10-2010 at 02:23 PM..
Reason: typo
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
