where to move (young family mid-20's) (Boston, Lowell: lofts, homes)

[oceanchild]

Hi everyone! Thank you for your time and thoughts...

We are a young family (my husband and I are 26, our son just turned 1). We currently live in Bedford, MA. My husband has a job in Concord. After a couple of years of living here, we feel it might be time to move on.

This area is fabulous for couples about 10 years older than us. I am a stay at home mom, and find myself surrounded by moms in their mid-30s at the playground who are just having their first children, live in million dollar homes and drive Mercedes SUVs. To each her own, honestly. I think this is a wonderful area for a slightly older, wealthier, more competitive crowd, but it's not the right fit for us.

We so love our Whole Foods, farmers market, outdoor spaces, access to town centers and of course Boston. We are earthy, artsy, foodie, sporty, ocean-lovers.

I'm wondering, are there any other young married people in Southern New England? I am starting to think we should be living down South where we might find other young people living family life. So far I have only met 20 something moms in this area who accidentally got pregnant.

I look forward to hearing suggestions for places that might suit us better. Thanks again for your time.

[Beachcomber4]

Truth is, it is very rare to find a stay at home mom, who is married and in their 20's. No matter where you go, you will be in the minority. For the most part, it is more affluent areas where you will find stay at home Mom's. In some however you will find more Nanny's on the playground than other Moms who you can connect with. Take a look around but from the sound of it, other than age difference Bedford might provide you with women who you have quite a bit in common.

[gf2020]

You could move to Marblehead or Hingham and you would fit right in. However, all of the mid-20s women at the playgrounds are actually the nannies of the children there, the moms in their 40s are all at work.

[Jamesnana]

My daughter is a SAHM and 29. She has a 3 yr old and one on the way. When her first child was born she went on the internet and formed a mother's club of babies the same age and general location. They are all SAHM and meet once a week.

Maybe you could try something similar?

[thisiswater]

Do you like the city? You might like Jamaica Plain - not so much because you'll find a lot of 20-something moms, but because you sound a little too energetic for Bedford/Concord! Also, Lowell has some great art communities work/create lofts, etc.

I felt sad when I read your post, btw. It's bizarre: you have your children when you're young enough to really enjoy them and have no pals! It sucks. I had my dd at 30 and went to the playground to watch moping nannies. V. depressing.

[Rhaven]

I was in your spot when I had my first son at 22. I was surrounded by women in their 30's just starting out and none of my friends had kids. I was able to find a couple of moms my age when I saw a note in my pediatricians office looking for moms of babies to start a local play date. But in the long run, I cant really tell you a secret place to find young moms staying at home to move to in MA.

We actually moved to NC a few years ago because the area we chose was well known for high family quality. I found a local moms support site and it's made a world of difference for us in meeting other people my age with kids. Maybe look around the web for one of those? GL!

[oceanchild]

Thank you so much! I really enjoyed reading each of your posts. thisiswater, I do love the city! We lived in Cambridge before living here, and really enjoyed our lifestyle. It would be completely different with a baby, though. I often wonder if we would do well in a more urban environment. I know that Cambridge is ranked highly among cities to raise children. We have also been looking at the east side of Providence.
Reading your responses helped me to narrow down what I am searching for. What I don't like about Bedford is not the age gap between the other SAHMs and I, but rather the competitiveness. There is a lot of talk about fancy strollers, designer baby clothes and preschool wait lists. I have actually been invited to join several playgroups, walking clubs, classes, etc., so I do not want to be misleading and say that we aren't social. It's just that the people here seem to be focused on a lifestyle that I'm really not interested in. I like unique, funny, interesting down-to-earth people. I hope I'm not sounding judgmental, because, like I said, to each her own. This just isn't for me.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for your responses, and for the opportunity to bounce my ideas off of someone else. : )

[thisiswater]

I would have LOVED to raise my daughter in Cambridge. And looking back it would have been so much better for all of us. (I met my husband at Berkeley, hence the natural affinity for Berkeley East . You're so lucky to have had a baby at your age. I should have also! By the time your little one is up and our you'll still be young enough to do everything. Carpe diem!

[sblumberg]

I am a stay at home, and started having children in my early 30s. Most of the friends I made at the time (who are now amongst my closest friends) were in their 20s. We had so much in common just having babies the same age, that our age difference really didn't matter at all. Also, once you are in the school system the friends you meet are of varying ages. For example, your oldest child may become friends with their youngest child - which could mean a really big age difference! Now, I have friends in their early 30s and their late 40s!

So, I guess what I am trying to say is I agree with your second post, that this may not really be as much about age but rather you are having a difficult time finding friends that share your values and common interests and maybe Bedford is not for you.

I live in a very middle class town an hour west of Boston. I would not describe my town as affluent but we have a really high percentage of stay at home mom's here, because people can afford more on one income and suffer through the commute. I would say at least 3/4 of the moms on my street stay home! It is really nice because with such a large percentage of sahm's I have found some great people who are more like me. I think you will run into some competitive people everywhere, but probably much more of it closer to Boston. It took a little time to establish my friendships and find my niche - but I did it - and you will too!

[lrfox]

Oceanchild,

Portland, Maine jumped out as the obvious choice to me. It's a small city (far smaller than Providence) with good public schools (I worked in one for a time). It's a very safe place with a good number of local organic and health food stores as well as a Whole Foods and Trader Joe's and a number of farmers markets. It has sort of a bohemian vibe, but not nearly to the extent of Burlington, San Francisco, Northampton, etc. While it is technically a city, it has more of a mid-size town feel and the majority of the population is very outdoorsy. The city itself is quite pretty with hills and the Maine Coast. It's close enough to the mountains and other outdoor activities to really appease the outdoor enthusiasts and it has just enough "city" to get by.

I would never recommend Portland for a young single person as it's just not that type of town (not big on partying or nightlife or the singles scene in general) but it is great for young families. Lots of them all over, far more than in Eastern MA. It seems people marry a bit younger up there. Portland is affordable and certainly not snobby or ultra wealthy like some of MA's suburbs.

Alternatives would be Portsmouth NH, Newburyport MA, Newport/Middletown RI or even Bristol RI.