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I suggest you leave well-enough alone and just find your parents a decent place on LA's West Side.
The geography is more striking, the weather is better, the cultural experience is at least as good. And, presumimg them to be retired, there's really no reason I can imagine that they will have to endure the traffic.
I suggest you leave well-enough alone and just find your parents a decent place on LA's West Side.
The geography is more striking, the weather is better, the cultural experience is at least as good. And, presumimg them to be retired, there's really no reason I can imagine that they will have to endure the traffic.
If we don't move we will see if there are ways for the parents to do more extended stays out west. My brother and his kids are in Boston so my folks really couldn't flip the tables and come west permanently. I get what you are saying though.
I grew up in Arlington all my life (whole family bostonians live within 3 miles of one another) and in 2001 I jetted for LA at age 28, thinking it was just a 2 year thing....got married to a California girl, had kids, lived next to Malibu in Calabasas...anyways in the back of my mind I always had a lingering feeling to want to come home and be closer to my family, you know go home so to speak. Unlike you, I ended up in a career where Boston was arguably the best spot in the country to advance so I moved back to the area late 2015. My wife has been here 2 years and it has been beyond hard for her with the winters, the Ma*sholes, driving rotaries.....yah she had friends in the area but don't underestimate the shock of it for your spouse if she is a Californian. My kids are fine...they are little, like snow and love their school in the metrowest....but it hasn't worked out for us on the family side for my spouse
After coming back, it doesn't even feel like I was gone for a dozen years....just end up settling back to seeing the family on a regular basis, getting my winter clothes out, drinking my DD every morning...but I do miss California. Not as much as my wife, but I actually have decided to move us back West. It is financially and mentally draining to do these cross country moves but my career has been good these past 2 years so financially the move has been worth it. Probably not going back to LA though because I don't think LA is great place to raise kids...maybe down towards OC/SD....something like Del Mar would be awesome. However, the big mental change for me is that I think I have closure this time with leaving Mass. That's probably all you are looking for and I can tell you that after coming back, it's not worth the hassle so just stick it out in CA.
I grew up in Arlington all my life (whole family bostonians live within 3 miles of one another) and in 2001 I jetted for LA at age 28, thinking it was just a 2 year thing....got married to a California girl, had kids, lived next to Malibu in Calabasas...anyways in the back of my mind I always had a lingering feeling to want to come home and be closer to my family, you know go home so to speak. Unlike you, I ended up in a career where Boston was arguably the best spot in the country to advance so I moved back to the area late 2015. My wife has been here 2 years and it has been beyond hard for her with the winters, the Ma*sholes, driving rotaries.....yah she had friends in the area but don't underestimate the shock of it for your spouse if she is a Californian. My kids are fine...they are little, like snow and love their school in the metrowest....but it hasn't worked out for us on the family side for my spouse
After coming back, it doesn't even feel like I was gone for a dozen years....just end up settling back to seeing the family on a regular basis, getting my winter clothes out, drinking my DD every morning...but I do miss California. Not as much as my wife, but I actually have decided to move us back West. It is financially and mentally draining to do these cross country moves but my career has been good these past 2 years so financially the move has been worth it. Probably not going back to LA though because I don't think LA is great place to raise kids...maybe down towards OC/SD....something like Del Mar would be awesome. However, the big mental change for me is that I think I have closure this time with leaving Mass. That's probably all you are looking for and I can tell you that after coming back, it's not worth the hassle so just stick it out in CA.
You (thankfully) just set back any ideas I had of moving back to Mass by at least 5 more years.
The underlined, especially. It's not like I'd be looking for praise or anything, or being THAT GUY who won't stop talking about how SoCal is better, but it's what I've experienced as the 'un-curiousity' of the Mass crowds my wife and I grew up with that is a turn off.
I grew up in Arlington all my life (whole family bostonians live within 3 miles of one another) and in 2001 I jetted for LA at age 28, thinking it was just a 2 year thing....got married to a California girl, had kids, lived next to Malibu in Calabasas...anyways in the back of my mind I always had a lingering feeling to want to come home and be closer to my family, you know go home so to speak. Unlike you, I ended up in a career where Boston was arguably the best spot in the country to advance so I moved back to the area late 2015. My wife has been here 2 years and it has been beyond hard for her with the winters, the Ma*sholes, driving rotaries.....yah she had friends in the area but don't underestimate the shock of it for your spouse if she is a Californian. My kids are fine...they are little, like snow and love their school in the metrowest....but it hasn't worked out for us on the family side for my spouse
After coming back, it doesn't even feel like I was gone for a dozen years....just end up settling back to seeing the family on a regular basis, getting my winter clothes out, drinking my DD every morning...but I do miss California. Not as much as my wife, but I actually have decided to move us back West. It is financially and mentally draining to do these cross country moves but my career has been good these past 2 years so financially the move has been worth it. Probably not going back to LA though because I don't think LA is great place to raise kids...maybe down towards OC/SD....something like Del Mar would be awesome. However, the big mental change for me is that I think I have closure this time with leaving Mass. That's probably all you are looking for and I can tell you that after coming back, it's not worth the hassle so just stick it out in CA.
Great post, and thanks for taking the time to share your mindset —*which pretty much captures the "don't do it voice" in my head. Right now, the "don't do it voice" is constantly wrestling with the "do it" voice. Some days I'm all for the move —*like today, when I was walking around a quaint Northshore seaside town and the surrounding marshes. Sure, it was 46F, but the air was fresh and that was warm compared to two weeks ago. And then there's other times, when I'm like "how do I apply for jobs 3,000 miles away and sync that with a spouse who would need to leave her job and a house I would need to rent/sell", when I consider throwing in the towel on the idea. My wife is actually more gung-ho and decisive on trying the move, and I admire her ability to commit to a choice and take a chance. She's really only ever known California, but has spent enough time in Boston vacations to know the winters. But just like you said, it's the new driving, scraping your car off in the morning, etc. that I'm worried about for her. And then her family is in L.A., who she says she will be okay being apart from, but will she really? Is it fair to flip the tables?
Like you, I've always had the lingering thoughts of moving back to Boston closer to family. And when I'm between jobs -- like now -- that lingering thought rears its head into something more concrete. Anyhow, if we are going to do this move, then job opportunities in Boston would need to present themselves by this fall, because once my child starts 1st grade in the fall, I really don't want to disrupt her from that. Thanks for listening.
Anyhow, if we are going to do this move, then job opportunities in Boston would need to present themselves by this fall, because once my child starts 1st grade in the fall, I really don't want to disrupt her from that.
Actually, that's the least of your problems, kids are amazingly flexible. For my eldest from K-3 he was in 3 schools and wasn't fazed until we settled into our house. The bigger issue is finding a job (impossible to find from CA..lotsa smart people in Boston no need for employers to look elsewhere), finding a place to live (kinda need a job before a mortgage), picking the town, doing the move ($15K out of pocket for me). Also it is way too big of a distraction to job hunt in SoCal AND in Boston...just not really feasible. I had to move first then find a job. Kids actually at this age think it's fun to explore socially.
Actually, that's the least of your problems, kids are amazingly flexible. For my eldest from K-3 he was in 3 schools and wasn't fazed until we settled into our house. The bigger issue is finding a job (impossible to find from CA..lotsa smart people in Boston no need for employers to look elsewhere), finding a place to live (kinda need a job before a mortgage), picking the town, doing the move ($15K out of pocket for me). Also it is way too big of a distraction to job hunt in SoCal AND in Boston...just not really feasible. I had to move first then find a job. Kids actually at this age think it's fun to explore socially.
Thanks for sharing! Great to know about the kids.
Yes, my job effort will be committed to one location, not looking for jobs in both location and see what hits first (way too much work)... is that what you meant when you said looking for a job in SoCal AND in Boston? The job effort needs to be focused on one location. And I agree it is difficult trying to land a job in Boston from SoCal... either we need to move first (high risk) or I spend time in Boston away from SoCal family applying locally. Or, some will Skype I've found, depends on the company.
When you moved to Boston did you (1st) move/rent apartment (2nd) find job (3rd) buy home?
If you move back to Cali, are you going to do the same -- move first to Cali then find the job?
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I moved to this area from LA over a year ago. The road system here is overall poor which makes traffic bad - not as widespread as back there but still annoying at times.
If you consider 30-45 F high temperatures to be brutal, that is subjective, but most winter days have highs in that range in Boston. That is far from real cold. Bear witness to the latest (and aberrational) cold snap in late Dec. / early Jan. Snowstorms happen now and then, but lately rain seems to be just as common as snow. So after the initial adjustment, winters here are not that bad. Other places have it much worse. At least everything here gets moisturized and is not bone dry like in SoCal.
I grew up here (with family roots back to my grandparents), moved to LA for school and stayed about a decade, moved back to MA about 7 years ago – and that was easily the right choice for me. It had taken at least a year to adjust to CA, though I did end up loving it, and it never truly felt like home. Pretty much a New Englander for life.
Two factors that might not apply to you: I have a very young kid, which makes being near family a huge help; and MA has one out of a handful of firms in the entire country who do what I do. I can’t say whether it’s harder to get a job here since my sample size of full time jobs is 3. But for the two I had in LA (VFX and game media), I knew someone who got me in. For the one here, I cold called the company based on a publicly available list of vendors. But again, my resume was geared very specifically toward this field so I stood out.
Broader things I like better here: public schools are generally very good, even in towns with poor (comparative) reputations. The culture is driven toward higher education, history, and science, so it’s easy for nerds to find like spirits. Less “woo” and more medical science among mom groups. Variable seasons, especially autumn. Varied landscapes and architecture with a lot of history. European cultural influence. Free, meticulously tested MWRA water. Seafood, subs, and Italian food. Being able to drive less than an hour and be in a completely different setting, e.g. city, farmland, beach, forest. Better public transportation. Tighter ties between the community and universities (and their resources). World class hospitals, doctors, surgeons (not that they aren’t good out there, but not on the same level IMO, and ER/surgery experiences were certainly different). Traffic can be tough, but it has obvious peak times and peak routes that you can usually work around. Whereas especially in the last 5 years or so, whenever I visit LA I’ve noticed SigAlert is continuously red and even my “back” routes have gotten clogged at all hours of the day. I would rather deal with blizzards and mild hurricanes than earthquakes or fires. I like not having to police my water usage. And I found myself missing the sports fans, the accent, and the mannerisms. Biggest pain in the butt: watching Bruins games online with a hefty delay between Jack Edwards' voice and the visuals.
Better in LA: cheap, plentiful Asian and Mexican food and easier to find other pockets like Persian, Russian, Hungarian, etc.. Laid back culture, living in shorts and flip flops. Road conditions and signage, and infrastructure generally. Nature being kinder to my car and motorcycle. Easy to work out outside all year. Multiculturalism, which is apparently a dirty word on this forum (witness the freakouts in past threads), but I really appreciated it there. I grew up in one of the more “liberal” MA towns, yet there was a certain amount of subtle internalized racism that I never recognized in myself until I moved to a place that wasn’t 95% white. Sure there are racial tensions in CA, but people mostly both accept and look past race in a way that seems effortless compared to here, where it tends to be more adversarial and sometimes hyper-aware on all sides. There’s intellectual acceptance here, but less of the comfort level and casual understanding that comes from exposure. There's also a bit of the provincialism and lack of curiosity someone else mentioned. I do love the deep roots and localized culture in MA, but I also like that since a smaller proportion of people are "from" LA, everyone and no one "belongs," so everyone's on equal footing that way. Even the people who are from there don't treat newcomers so differently. I miss the amount of sunshine, lack of mosquitos, the museums, the foothills, and certain neighborhoods.
For you specifically, it does sound like holding on to your place and renting might be smart.
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And then there's other times, when I'm like "how do I apply for jobs 3,000 miles away and sync that with a spouse who would need to leave her job and a house I would need to rent/sell", when I consider throwing in the towel on the idea. My wife is actually more gung-ho and decisive on trying the move, and I admire her ability to commit to a choice and take a chance. She's really only ever known California, but has spent enough time in Boston vacations to know the winters. But just like you said, it's the new driving, scraping your car off in the morning, etc. that I'm worried about for her. And then her family is in L.A., who she says she will be okay being apart from, but will she really? Is it fair to flip the tables?
