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Gemkeeper:
You advised Lindsay:
"You do not have to go someplace you do not want to go if it makes you uncomfortable. You do not have to speak to someone you don't want to speak to because they upset you."
"[Women] are often bullied and criticized as children......We have a problem of not feeling accepted for who we really are and we tend to be meek, as opposed to agressive".
"Our personalities allow us to be victims... Our best defense to resist going into a panic or an anxiety attack is to stand up for ourselves, what we want, and what we think".
Strangely enough, these statements reflect the basic concepts I have tried to convey. Yet I'm referred to as "authoritative" or categorized with "hurt and inflammation". This paradox is discouraging, making it impossible for me to point out the connection. That's my only attempt to "sugar coat" any of these undeniable truths that I initially pointed out and you reiterated. My last two cents: own your reactions to my advice. I'm guessing if you could express your frustrations with everyone in the real world in the same way you've expressed your frustrations with me, you would actually make some progress.
Dbledeez, I think that you completely misunderstood me. Your two cents are probably worth a bunch of bucks, actually.
I am not in the less frustrated by you and certainly didn't mean to give you that impression. I feel little, if any, frustration with anyone in the world. Okay, occassionally my DH, but we work it out!
It is just as Handitak explained - it is not the message; it is fairly correct. The problem is the delivery. When someone is constantly being told what to do, when to do it, and then, that they probably didn't do it right in the first place, there is a certain mindset that send out an alarm when anyone, no matter how well-intentioned, tells them what they should do.
There is a big difference between suggesting things that might help, could ease a situation some and open a door for an anxious person to cope more appropriately than to tell them in an authoratative manner that just puts the pressure on again.
Most women who suffer from panic/anxiety disorder have been made to feel incapable and undermined. What we want is to stop that cycle and take control of ourselves. We can do this by not talking with the brother-in-law who bullies and berates us, by not answering the phone when the mom who is always telling us what to do calls, and by not going to the mall with the whole gang in somebody's minivan if it makes us uncomfortable.
If we move in baby steps, pushing ourselves (as opposed to someone pushing us!) a little bit further each day, we reach a point where we can say, "Hey, I never could go there before, but today I almost made it and it didn't feel so bad!" The next outing gets a little easier.
I do not believe in the "throw the kid into the pool and he'll learn to swim if he doesn't want to drown" theory. There is nothing wrong with putting your toes in the water first, and then up to the ankles, and eventually having the courage to try a little further the next time. It is the end goal that really counts here - all of our methods have to suit us. They will differ vastly, sometimes similarly.
Our goal is to lead as normal a life as possible, to enjoy our lives, to fully participate in our children's lives, and to do it with as little stress and anxiety as we can muster. These things are all doable. We all have different timetables and different modes of transport, but we can all get there with love and support from our friends.
That is what this thread is all about. A safe place to talk about what you are feeling, how the day went, what you are facing tomorrow and getting suggestions, love and support from those who care and understand.
I know that you care and understand very well. I know that you are a professional. I, too, am a professional; not in health care, but education. A lot of our approaches to things are similar, some quite different.
I am not being critical of you at all. I just wanted to offer a piece of observation because you posed the quandry why you were perceived in a way that you felt was wrong. I agree. Your words were all the right ones. Sensitive people may take issue with the "sting" of the address, however. I know that this is something we all have to work on from time to time, just as Handitak had suggested: she likes to read her post or often goes back to read one and thinks that the tone is not what she intended. We all do this. That is the drawback of writing back and forth rather than having a verbal exchange. Here, we don't see expressions, hear the tone of voice, or get a chance to see body language. A lot can be misread as a result.
I'm sorry if what I said offended you. I was only making an observation in response to your post. I thought that you seemed to be upset with the group in general, and I tried to explain what was happening in our minds as I saw it. Please try to look at our posts in that light and I think that the words will say something different, kind, and reassuring to you.
Forget the pills and talking about your fears all the time and try meditation. If you keep talking about panic attacks and fears then that is all your mind will think about which can cause it to take over your life and never leave. Meditation and diet/exercise is the way.
Frankly I doubt your qualified to make such high handed advice, it can be dangerous to just stop taking medication without the direction of a doctor.
AND frankly the opposite is true of your other advice as well, talking about them de-mystifies them and for me thats part of the cause, not understanding what brings them on or what they are in the beginning.
AND something you might not be aware of, some peoples symptoms can be so severe that medication is the only way to get them calmed down enough to get into treatment to start to work out the problem to begin with.
In fact your advice applied to some people could cause real and long lasting harm. If thats the route you choose to follow then I hope it works for you but I hope anyone else reading this thread will please talk to your doctor and think about changes in your medication and general treatment perscribed before you change any of it.
Interesting...I am 42 now but when I was in the 7th grade I was losing my hair and was developing bald patches and was having dizzy spells and had on occasion fell to the floor because of it. At first I was on some sort of nerve pill,and had also discovered I had an over-active thyroid so I took something for that as well.One or both of those medications had stopped the hair loss and dizziness.I forgot all about that until you mentioned the thyroid thing.Unfortunately I can't have that checked at this time because I don't have insurance so I only go to the docter if absolutley necessary,since it is all out of pocket. So I have only seen the doctor once in the past 12 years. But with that comment I can see where there could possibly be a connection.
Mystree, do you have other symptoms of a hyperactive thyroid, like being very thin, dry skin, a little jittery, other symptoms.
Hyperthyroidism can often demonstrate itself in anxiety attacks. I wish you could get a TSH and a T4 test to see if you do have an overactive thyroid. A free health care clinic, perhaps? The tests would run about $200. Not cheap by any means, but could put you on the right track to finding the source of your anxiety disorder.
I hope you are able to have it checked. It would be wonderful to have a bit of control with just calming your thyroid gland down.
Dbledeez, I think that you completely misunderstood me. Your two cents are probably worth a bunch of bucks, actually.
I am not in the less frustrated by you and certainly didn't mean to give you that impression. I feel little, if any, frustration with anyone in the world. Okay, occassionally my DH, but we work it out!
It is just as Handitak explained - it is not the message; it is fairly correct. The problem is the delivery. When someone is constantly being told what to do, when to do it, and then, that they probably didn't do it right in the first place, there is a certain mindset that send out an alarm when anyone, no matter how well-intentioned, tells them what they should do.
There is a big difference between suggesting things that might help, could ease a situation some and open a door for an anxious person to cope more appropriately than to tell them in an authoratative manner that just puts the pressure on again.
Most women who suffer from panic/anxiety disorder have been made to feel incapable and undermined. What we want is to stop that cycle and take control of ourselves. We can do this by not talking with the brother-in-law who bullies and berates us, by not answering the phone when the mom who is always telling us what to do calls, and by not going to the mall with the whole gang in somebody's minivan if it makes us uncomfortable.
If we move in baby steps, pushing ourselves (as opposed to someone pushing us!) a little bit further each day, we reach a point where we can say, "Hey, I never could go there before, but today I almost made it and it didn't feel so bad!" The next outing gets a little easier.
I do not believe in the "throw the kid into the pool and he'll learn to swim if he doesn't want to drown" theory. There is nothing wrong with putting your toes in the water first, and then up to the ankles, and eventually having the courage to try a little further the next time. It is the end goal that really counts here - all of our methods have to suit us. They will differ vastly, sometimes similarly.
Our goal is to lead as normal a life as possible, to enjoy our lives, to fully participate in our children's lives, and to do it with as little stress and anxiety as we can muster. These things are all doable. We all have different timetables and different modes of transport, but we can all get there with love and support from our friends.
That is what this thread is all about. A safe place to talk about what you are feeling, how the day went, what you are facing tomorrow and getting suggestions, love and support from those who care and understand.
I know that you care and understand very well. I know that you are a professional. I, too, am a professional; not in health care, but education. A lot of our approaches to things are similar, some quite different.
I am not being critical of you at all. I just wanted to offer a piece of observation because you posed the quandry why you were perceived in a way that you felt was wrong. I agree. Your words were all the right ones. Sensitive people may take issue with the "sting" of the address, however. I know that this is something we all have to work on from time to time, just as Handitak had suggested: she likes to read her post or often goes back to read one and thinks that the tone is not what she intended. We all do this. That is the drawback of writing back and forth rather than having a verbal exchange. Here, we don't see expressions, hear the tone of voice, or get a chance to see body language. A lot can be misread as a result.
I'm sorry if what I said offended you. I was only making an observation in response to your post. I thought that you seemed to be upset with the group in general, and I tried to explain what was happening in our minds as I saw it. Please try to look at our posts in that light and I think that the words will say something different, kind, and reassuring to you.
I sincerely appreciate your response. I am sorry if I misunderstand. I was probably feeling defensive at that point and responded with verbal attacks. My approach has always been a bit abrasive for some. My goal is to promote awareness of the reaction and individual responsibility for one's own feelings and emotions. The way in which my approach was criticized to me reveals some of the core issues. You stated that
"What we want is to stop that cycle and take control of ourselves. We can do this by not talking with the brother-in-law who bullies and berates us, by not answering the phone when the mom who is always telling us what to do calls, and by not going to the mall with the whole gang in somebody's minivan if it makes us uncomfortable."
That's exactly the advice I gave in my first post. "Don't answer the phone. Don't answer the door". I truly think if the people who were offended by my approach examined and processed in great detail why they experienced that negative reaction, they would get closer to understanding the underlying issues and identifying the source of their anxiety.
Following the discussion about relaxation CDs the other day I decided to order the Kelly Howell one on a whim. It arrived last night and it's great! I tried it just after lunch as I was at home, and I almost fell asleep but just jolted myself awake unfortunately. Tried the 2nd CD in bed before going to sleep, and I did drift off then, but my stupid MP3 player beeped at me to tell me it had finished, which nearly made me hit the ceiling! My next task is to find out how to disable the beep...
Thanks for the recommendation everyone! Great stuff.
Its a shame you dont have any medical insurance. This country drives me crazy with health care!! It might be worth biting the bullet and going and finidng out. If thats why you have anxiety, its an easy fix with synthroid.
I have an underactive thyroid, supposedly, that can still cause anxiety issues.
I tend not to look things up about illnesses, because then inveitably, I end up with ALL the symptoms, hence why I cant watch medical shows on TV!
a couple of the other symptoms my DR said was dry dull hair, muscle cramps and aches.
I dont want to scare you, but, having an over active thyroid can cause you to have a heart attack. My sister in law had an over active thyroid which they nuked and killed because it is so damaging to your heart. I dont want to frighten you, but, in the same token, I dont want you to ignore it, and if this info helps your health, I would much rather give it to you than not.
I had a tumor in my thyroid, so they had to remove all but 1/3 of it. I get my thyroid tested every 6 months. Thyroid can problems can make mask as anxiety. Always get your thyroid checked out, if you are having any kind of anxiety issues. That way you know for sure. Thyroid can cause so many problems in your body.
RH1, I am so glad that the CDs are working for you!!! I am always so happy when someone finds something that gives them relief in any way.
I am also happy with the way you guys have been handling yourself on here. There have been a few times when I wanted to intervine(sp?), because I strongly dissagree with somethings that have been said here. But I try to not let it get personal for me. This subject is very touchy for me, but you all have handled things great.
WELL, I can't believe how much better I am feeling. I got my doctor to up my Paxil to 30 mgs, when I go up, I do it at 5mgs at a time. I take a week for the 25mgs and then next week will move onto the 30mgs.
I went to Walmart today with NOT ONE SYMPTOM, I went to Best Buy, had to wait in line forever, not one problem.
I had to see my doctor and his son actually flirted with me and it didn't freak me out, I flirted back with him actually. In the past he has always freaked me out because of the attention he pays to me. He is single and my age and a doctor, wow.
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