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I have been very fortunate to have good friends that helped me through the divorce process. After 32 years, it is a bit odd. I relocated to get away from a very unhealthy scene. I've had a good couple of years, but I seem to be feeling lonely as the reality sets in of being completly alone with no family support. My family was my main focus as I gave up my career to homeschool, and my ex wanted me at home (control issues) Now, I feel like a fool. I know most of the suggestions from 12 step programs, psychology, staying physically active and eat well. I've just fell myself sliding into the place of not seeing any goals to shoot for. I need a focus but my modivation is down. It is difficult to go out and be of service or get a job when my modivation is so low. Maybe it's a type of grieving for all that I have lost. Comment appreciated
You are me and I am you--52 here. Yeah, I stayed at home to homeschool too and my husband encouraged that--didn't make me, but I loved doing it. Then after 23 years of marriage he came out gay. I'm almost 3 years out though and still have kids at home so I think I'm in better shape than you right now. I dunno--you gotta give yourself time to grieve and realize it's not a linear process--you'll definitely have your ups and downs--I still do.
I'd say just go easy on yourself and do what you love to do. I don't know if you have a job? What you're qualified for? Even if you have a college degree you're not going to be able to walk into a $60K job right off--you have to work up from somewhere, so just figure out what industry you want to work for and start at the bottom if you're not employed already. Honestly though, like you I'm having a hard time getting motivated for the job hunt--I have a job but am ready to move up and can't--teaching you know and jobs are in short supply so I'm still a TA after 3 years and with 2 teaching certificates but most don't consider homeschooling or being a TA as teaching experience! You have to pull down a paycheck to be taken seriously, which is not fair.
As for loneliness--yeah I get you on that. I started going to contra-dance and go once a week and I love it. It pretty much takes care of as much social life as I want right now and my co-workers have been a blessing and a great support to me in this. It helps if you can think about the singles life fantasies you had while you were married and the reason you had them--what did you want to do that you couldn't? I mean, he was a control freak? You're free! Woo hoo! I'm planning a year long trip to Africa as soon as I get high school girl out of the house and maybe you could start planning a trip too, or whatever thing you always wanted to do.
hardest person in the world to help is someone who already knows it all.
i doubt a lil CDF posting is guna turn it around for you.
12 step and counseling diligently and thoroughly and honestly practiced can do wonders even for the mentally ill or emotionally damaged.
hardest person in the world to help is someone who already knows it all.
i doubt a lil CDF posting is guna turn it around for you.
12 step and counseling diligently and thoroughly and honestly practiced can do wonders even for the mentally ill or emotionally damaged.
Huh? Who said anything about mentally ill? She's having a hard time getting motivated after a divorce from a very long marriage. And who knows it all? You're not making sense.
It can take years to adjust, so don't waste that time. Get some counseling, and find a new direction. There are classes at employment centers for "displaced Homemakers", see if there is a support group. Get out of the house. Even doing volunteer work. Or going to an exercise class.
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And who knows it all? You're not making sense.
