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Mightyqueen..Thanks for the info. Guess I've just been gun-shy about taking any kind of pills. I'd have to be almost dying before I'd consider taking an aspirin etc...My older son went to therapists for help when he went through a painful divorce and got laid-off from his high-paying tech job. All the therapists seemed to do were hand him pills and even more pills. Nobody seemed to be helping him deal with his feelings..In the end he seemed pretty addicted to all his pills but he wasn't getting better...Maybe he would have lived longer if one of the therapists would have helped him "go deep" and get to the "root" of all that was "troubling him." (Versus relying on all the pills to "fix him.") Of course he had to want this for himself too.
Mightyqueen..Thanks for the info. Guess I've just been gun-shy about taking any kind of pills. I'd have to be almost dying before I'd consider taking an aspirin etc...My older son went to therapists for help when he went through a painful divorce and got laid-off from his high-paying tech job. All the therapists seemed to do were hand him pills and even more pills. Nobody seemed to be helping him deal with his feelings..In the end he seemed pretty addicted to all his pills but he wasn't getting better...Maybe he would have lived longer if one of the therapists would have helped him "go deep" and get to the "root" of all that was "troubling him." (Versus relying on all the pills to "fix him.") Of course he had to want this for himself too.
I was fortunate in that I have, for one thing, good health insurance provided by my employer, so I was able to see a therapist and a pdoc, too. My therapist explained anti-depressants and similar medications this way: When you are learning to ride a bicycle, you sometimes need someone to give you a push and then you stay up by pedaling on your own. The meds can be the push, and the therapy teaches you how to pedal. That's how it worked for me. The meds lifted me out of the depression enough that I could think clearly and work on changing the things in me that were causing me my own despair. For example, I married a mean, abusive drunk--but something was wrong with ME to allow that to happen in the first place.
Anyway, that method worked for me. I no longer take the meds. Since I have some OCD going on in there, the meds also quieted down all the noise in my mind telling me I have to do this or that, and I miss that quietness. However, because of the therapy I can manage that now without the drugs.
I take no drugs whatsoever. No blood pressure pills, nothing but an occasional Advil or something.
Mightyqueen...Good that the meds and therapy worked so well for you...I don't think my (older) son really wanted to be "cracked-opened." He was okay about keeping things more at a "surface level." So he chose therapists who kept things "light and breezy." And just took the pills...I've run into therapists like this too. Seeing them seemed like a waste of time (and money) after awhile. Thank goodness I did find 2 therapists who really helped me get to the "root" of my problems and issues at the time...Everyone else "side-stepped" things. I even ended-up challenging them about their own unresolved issues. And stopped seeing them after awhile...I believe that we are responsible for our choices in life too. (As adults anyway.) And we have to find a way to take off our "blinders" so we don't keep "hooking-up" with the same type of people over and over again. (And get "hurt." Or end-up in divorce court over and over again etc.)
Mightyqueen...Good that the meds and therapy worked so well for you...I don't think my (older) son really wanted to be "cracked-opened." He was okay about keeping things more at a "surface level." So he chose therapists who kept things "light and breezy." And just took the pills...I've run into therapists like this too. Seeing them seemed like a waste of time (and money) after awhile. Thank goodness I did find 2 therapists who really helped me get to the "root" of my problems and issues at the time...Everyone else "side-stepped" things. I even ended-up challenging them about their own unresolved issues. And stopped seeing them after awhile...I believe that we are responsible for our choices in life too. (As adults anyway.) And we have to find a way to take off our "blinders" so we don't keep "hooking-up" with the same type of people over and over again. (And get "hurt." Or end-up in divorce court over and over again etc.)
And a good therapist will make it clear that you ARE responsible for your choices in life. It's not about blaming anyone else for where you are.
Over the years, I briefly saw a couple of ineffective therapists before I found a good one. The timing was probably right, too. I went to the last one just after I had my husband removed by the police and wanted to sort out whether I should try to save the marriage or not.
Interestingly, it was obvious to everyone I knew--including the therapist--that I would be getting a divorce. I just wasn't ready to admit that because to me, it meant that I had failed. Somehow I thought I should be able to fix him, and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong because he was not getting fixed. The problem was my thinking that I COULD FIX AN ALCOHOLIC. That I COULD MAKE SOMEONE LOVE ME WHO DIDN'T. I not only thought I could do those things, I thought it was expected of me. That it was my destiny, my assignment as it were.
I think I mentioned somewhere that I did try to date afterward, and I just met more versions of my ex, even when they initially didn't appear to be so. This so disturbed me--that I obviously cannot see these people coming my way--that I just gave up on dating. I simply do not know how to have a relationship with a normal person. Even worse, no normal person has ever even been attracted to me, which is more of a problem because I won't get a chance to find out if I could have been successful in a relationship with a normal person anyway. "Normal" in this case being someone who is not the addictive type. No one is ever really normal, hehehe.
Mightyqueen...It is hard to tell "who" someone "really is" right off the bat. Hard for everyone. I've sure been a poor judge of character recently. Whoa! Talk about being "fooled." And I've been too trusting and naive!...These were all just friends. (Male and female friends.) I'm not ready to date anyone yet...Anyway I'm trying to formulate some "early warning signs" to look for when I first meet people now. (Even though most people operate behind "false fronts" in the early stages.)...Everything can't be "totally hidden." There must be some "signs" to see and look for early-on. And this is what I've been working on recently... By golly! I'm determined to become a better "detective" and a better judge of character from now on. (To protect myself... And save myself from getting the "shaft" over and over again!)
Well...it's always best not to be on medication, but anti-depressants don't "mask" or "silence" any feelings. Just to
When I was on meds, the whole time which had preceeded it was a series of disastors and hurts and anger. But I seemed 'better'. When something would come up with triggered a memory, I could just zip it away. The drugs created an unrealistic sense of 'okay'. Something hit a major trigger and I'd be really depressed for a day, but cycle out of it. But at no time was I ever able to deal with the things. When I stopped them the first months were bad, lots and lots of crying, and no supervision or 'help'. But I got enough of the feeling out which had been just hidden away that I started to really function.
There is still a lot of that there, and due to current 'circumstances' a lot is coming back and I feel very down a lot. But I will take this over the artifical 'high' that I had. I had this major revelations the other day, while being mad at someone. I don't know how I am going to act on it, but before it was stuck in the nether regions and now it isn't.
AD's might help some, and mask things for others to their detrimant, but the problem is in both cases it 'looks' like things are better. I believe that you never really will make the triggers and trauma liveable unless you are able to look at it, and if you don't its always the ambush waiting around the corner.
Attention needs to be paid to the underlying elements of what appears to be ok to be sure it is not just a very good mask or its not real help.
When I was on meds, the whole time which had preceeded it was a series of disastors and hurts and anger. But I seemed 'better'. When something would come up with triggered a memory, I could just zip it away. The drugs created an unrealistic sense of 'okay'. Something hit a major trigger and I'd be really depressed for a day, but cycle out of it. But at no time was I ever able to deal with the things. When I stopped them the first months were bad, lots and lots of crying, and no supervision or 'help'. But I got enough of the feeling out which had been just hidden away that I started to really function.
There is still a lot of that there, and due to current 'circumstances' a lot is coming back and I feel very down a lot. But I will take this over the artifical 'high' that I had. I had this major revelations the other day, while being mad at someone. I don't know how I am going to act on it, but before it was stuck in the nether regions and now it isn't.
AD's might help some, and mask things for others to their detrimant, but the problem is in both cases it 'looks' like things are better. I believe that you never really will make the triggers and trauma liveable unless you are able to look at it, and if you don't its always the ambush waiting around the corner.
Attention needs to be paid to the underlying elements of what appears to be ok to be sure it is not just a very good mask or its not real help.
Again, I think the point has to be made that antidepressants ALONE are not going resolve any issues. They serve well as a push or a way to clear the head to get to the real work of therapy. Therapy isn't working unless it is painful at some points, but when you break through and get the AHA moments, it is worth it. It takes work. Too many people want the easy answers and the instant cure to all ills, but life doesn't work that way.
Again, I think the point has to be made that antidepressants ALONE are not going resolve any issues. They serve well as a push or a way to clear the head to get to the real work of therapy. Therapy isn't working unless it is painful at some points, but when you break through and get the AHA moments, it is worth it. It takes work. Too many people want the easy answers and the instant cure to all ills, but life doesn't work that way.
So true. But therapy wasn't avalilable and when it was the therapist changed every month. They just made sure everyone looked 'okay'. I don't think I could have ever really dealt with the worse triggers on meds since even at low levels they accomidated my ability to shut a door. I needed to grieve and finally, in the privacy of my own space, got to.
Now I'm finding its the anger I thought I'd let go but I'm not sitting there blaming myself for being stupid anymore at least.
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