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I don't really hold things in, but it doesn't help me any to cry either. About the only positive thing the antidepressants did was make it hard to cry, as it is I'm a very sensitive emotional guy, music, photos, thoughts and presto water appears in my eyes. I have problems with self harm too, with me its more because of my own self hate, feeling I'm a failure that's lost and alone, frustrated and tired of being pissed on and in general tired of the fight. I have painful flashbacks too, people often don't understand this.
Some people do hold everything in and I agree that sure isn't good to do. It does build up overtime. Being a care giver is a difficult job. I've been in that role with old and disabled pets, not quite the same thing, but some of the feelings are still the same. I hope things get better for everyone here.
McGowdog...Not sure where this is going but I'll give it a try! I live in the desert. Out here trees are hit by lightning at times. Or fall prey to fires. Or die due to lack of water...Some trees are affected by viruses. Or they get cut-down to pave the way for a new housing development. (YUK!)...I think we are all affected by external factors. (Trees too!) A tornado or hurricane might "wipe out" our home and knock over trees on our property...We are affected by events that take place around us to one degree or another. And we have to find a way to process and "work through" what we've experienced...My "way" may not be the "best way" for you or someone else. And "your way" might not "do the trick" for me...I think we are all on a path to figure out "what rings true" for us in life. And what helps us the most. (At any given point in time.) Don't you?
looking4answers12...I agree with you. My Dad was a "passive mouse" a lot of the time. He was agreeable and mild-mannered and didn't speak-out or react to much. It all built-up inside of him...Then every so often he would "explode" in a vicious rage-attack and go "out of control" and pretty much "lose his mind." When his "attack session" was over he'd go back to playing timid and mild-mannered "Clark Kent" again. When his "stuffed emotions" reached a boiling point he'd "blow his top" again...I like to try to release my emotions in safe ways (by myself) on a regular basis so I will have more control over them...You're right. Some people become negative and chronic complainers. This isn't healthy either or the "path to happiness."
toddOO...Thanks. I hope things start to go better for you too. Sad that men are still chastised for crying in our society. We all need to release our emotions at times. (Men and women and boys and girls.) Sad that we aren't given permission to express and release our feelings in healthy (and natural ways) when we are growing up and as adults too.
I grew up "way back when" and my parents cooked a lot of meals in their pressure cooker...Eventually steam had to be released out of the pressure cooker so it wouldn't explode! Sometimes I walk around like a pressure cooker and hold too much inside for too long. Everything starts to build-up. And the "internal stress and pressure" takes a toll on me in one way or another. How about you?...I finally took a day off to cry and get mad and let some of my feelings "out" before I explode or lose my sanity. And it feels good to start releasing some of it.
That did happen to me once before a long time ago. I now have support workers that I talk to about my problems and my psychiatrist. I'm better now compared to six years ago.
CArizona, I went thru years of h*ll with a co-worker who was a bully. I was at the point of just wanting the pain in my life to end because of this person. She was destroying my career, or trying to...so, I left that job, for another job...and of course, there is always the same old BS going on, drama...but now, I am like "BRING IT ON B*TCHES"! I have lived thru the worst, and now am stronger than ever, and craftier than ever. I used to just let things slide, which is the worst you can do with a bully, because they are relentless if they think they found a target. Now, someone tries any BS on me, I am SO ready, and willing to fight. I have learned...from being in the "pressure cooker" for the last two years.
I am not like that, but I have learned, that in this world, to be on top, you have to be willing to kick the other dogs.
Mightyqueen...How would you describe "going into the zone?" Did your ex-husband go into the "zone" a lot too? Just curious...I started having flashbacks from my childhood after both my parents died. So many repressed and painful memories from my past started popping-up one by one...I decided to step into the scenes and protect and defend my "inner child." Most of the scenes involved my Dad "raging" at me or my Mom unfairly...I stood-up to my Dad and told him he was wrong and mean! And handed the "shame" he tried to project and inflict on us back to him...Everything went okay except for one time. I was sitting in the bathtub that day and another scene and flashback came up. I started "protecting" my child from the past and all of a sudden I became flooded and absorbed by anger. It was spooky! I wasn't sure if I could "come back" for awhile. The anger at my Dad became anger at all of the injustices that go on in the world!...But in the end I did manage to "come back." The painful flashbacks stopped after that. And something unexpected happened! I was flooded with all the happy memories from my childhood that had been blocked and repressed too. And I found "peace!"
No, my ex just got drunk and mean. Or used drugs, for a while at least. Nowadays he's just a drunk. Like most dedicated alkies, he is not given to self-examination or introspection. As an adult, I had (and still occasionally have) flashbacks from being married to him. However, over the years I learned how to not allow his meanness to have power over me. I still get angry over the residual difficulties, financial and other, that his selfishness and meanness had on my life, but it's fading. Took a while.
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