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Old 07-01-2012, 10:03 PM
 
Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
3,986 posts, read 5,906,692 times
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When you get to the final end of the rope into hopelessness, how can you undo it? I kind of feel there is no hope, there is nothing left really. I have never been this hopeless and I never seen it coming.. Ive been depressed, but deep down I felt I could escape this. But now I feel there is no escape, but death.. I feel like I have been delusional all this time to think life could work out, that life was worth living. Now I see no future, just death,darkness and emptiness.. Will my mind ever change? How does this happen?
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Old 07-02-2012, 08:47 AM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,573,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L'Artiste View Post
When you get to the final end of the rope into hopelessness, how can you undo it? I kind of feel there is no hope, there is nothing left really. I have never been this hopeless and I never seen it coming.. Ive been depressed, but deep down I felt I could escape this. But now I feel there is no escape, but death.. I feel like I have been delusional all this time to think life could work out, that life was worth living. Now I see no future, just death,darkness and emptiness.. Will my mind ever change? How does this happen?

I have been in this same place for the last two years. Some actually think that this feeling is a spiritual thing. Google "dark night of the soul" and you will see what I mean. I don't know if I'm going through a spiritual thing but I do know that the last few years have been nothing but darkness. I have embraced it in a way and I now actually consider myself a Nihilist.
The other thing I have been adjusting has been my expectations. I do have high expectations of myself and the world. I'm finding that you really can't expect much in life. Really you can't expect anything.
As I said in another thread I still struggle with the fact that life seems to give other people so much[good luck] and it doesn't seem to give me what I need[opportunities] to move ahead. This causes me much depression and anger and I'm trying to learn to accept how things are.
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Old 07-02-2012, 08:53 AM
 
Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
3,986 posts, read 5,906,692 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
I have been in this same place for the last two years. Some actually think that this feeling is a spiritual thing. Google "dark night of the soul" and you will see what I mean. I don't know if I'm going through a spiritual thing but I do know that the last few years have been nothing but darkness. I have embraced it in a way and I now actually consider myself a Nihilist.
The other thing I have been adjusting has been my expectations. I do have high expectations of myself and the world. I'm finding that you really can't expect much in life. Really you can't expect anything.
As I said in another thread I still struggle with the fact that life seems to give other people so much[good luck] and it doesn't seem to give me what I need[opportunities] to move ahead. This causes me much depression and anger and I'm trying to learn to accept how things are.
Oh my god me too! I have ran across the dark night of the soul and nihilist. In spite of this hopelessness, when something SEEMS to be an escape to happiness , I become very optimistic, that this is it; my endurance test is over and I have passed. But it's usually not. I call this dangerous optimism on my part.
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Old 07-02-2012, 09:41 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
19,526 posts, read 24,470,587 times
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I've been going through something similar. I've been experiencing sort of an existential crisis.

Things seem to improve, then they take a drastic turn for the worse and the respite from general misery and bad luck returns. It all seems like a cruel joke.

Honestly, I can't believe I am writing this on a public forum. I just read these two messages and it sounds as though I wrote each of them.

The only music I can listen to is depressing music - Joy Division and The Velvet Underground. Happy music mocks me. So does the nice weather.
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Old 07-02-2012, 11:52 AM
 
Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
3,986 posts, read 5,906,692 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I've been going through something similar. I've been experiencing sort of an existential crisis.

Things seem to improve, then they take a drastic turn for the worse and the respite from general misery and bad luck returns. It all seems like a cruel joke.

Honestly, I can't believe I am writing this on a public forum. I just read these two messages and it sounds as though I wrote each of them.

The only music I can listen to is depressing music - Joy Division and The Velvet Underground. Happy music mocks me. So does the nice weather.
yes i have also been reading about an existential crisis, all those things a year ago just seemed like made up stuff, until it becomes real. I listen to some Joy Division (I always get them confused with the Smiths,does anyone do that often?) too but mostly sad dark rock music about dying and being alone. And yes I hate the sun! but i love the rain
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Old 07-02-2012, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Upstate NY!
13,819 posts, read 25,666,191 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L'Artiste View Post
When you get to the final end of the rope into hopelessness, how can you undo it? I kind of feel there is no hope, there is nothing left really. I have never been this hopeless and I never seen it coming.. Ive been depressed, but deep down I felt I could escape this. But now I feel there is no escape, but death.. I feel like I have been delusional all this time to think life could work out, that life was worth living. Now I see no future, just death,darkness and emptiness.. Will my mind ever change? How does this happen?
I was there once...explore ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy). They don't know why it works, but for some it has been an answer to their prayers. While hospitalized for severe depression (in a catatonic state) I had 4 treatments, then had to stop, due to becoming hypomanic. But it did produce amazing results. It's like a reset switch for the brain chemicals. That was back in 1989. Haven't needed it since. It's done in a very medicially controlled setting (hospital), and you are under anesthesia, so you don't feel it, nor remember it.

If you only see death at this point, talk to your doctor about it. It's somewhat drastic, but much less so than death...and for some the last defense.
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Old 07-02-2012, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Northern California
970 posts, read 1,899,288 times
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If you reach the end of the metaphorical tunnel and see no light, the only way you can go is back the other way. In my personal experience, there were plenty of people trying to help during my downward spiral, but I had to actually hit rock bottom before finally seeking help. Eventually I got tired of being depressed.

You can't magically will yourself to get better. Depression doesn't work that way. However, you do have the power to change your way of thinking. If you are depressed and see no way out, you can make the decision that you are tired of living that way and start taking steps to improve your situation.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:21 AM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,724,314 times
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Well I actually physically died and there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is beautiful, glorious, amazing, there is no pain, worry, fear, all the negative is gone, it is blissful. I didn't want to come back, but the hospital brought me back.

I have much to live for (family that loves me very much). In the end it's about relationships and people, nothing else matters.

Do nice things for yourself, it will make you feel better.
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Old 07-05-2012, 11:58 AM
 
28 posts, read 46,650 times
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I feel the same way--moderate to severe depression causes this mental turmoil. As you get older,
it can get worse. When you are younger you still can feel hope for the future....
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,424 posts, read 22,654,272 times
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It is good you are reaching out for help. I would strongly suggest you go to a doctor and seek professional help. Suicidal thoughts are a scary place to be. I have been there myself, sometimes just a day, other times for months on end. Everyone always says, things will get better, you have to look at the silver lining. They don't understand a depressive mind. I wish you well.
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