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I am going to assume that you have some familiarity with the Aspergers realm of the autistic spectrum. Every free quiz I've taken shows a strong likelihood, but there are NO FREE RESOURCES for clinical evaluation.
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My entire life I have been 'anti-social', had issues with alienation, inability to concentrate on anything outside particular interests, an inability to read social cues, understand relationships or remain 'socially acceptable'. I have always had some intellectual talents, but essentially refused to do school work and eventually go to school. 'Meltdowns' have been a constant factor. Despite being in and out of counselors office, school offices and mental health hospitals I never had anyone even suggest Aspergers despite what seem to me, now, to be glaring alarm bells that any competent psychotherapist should have picked up on (gee, how many preteens will absolutely refuse to talk to a stranger while preferring to stare at a wall?! do these people go to Clown School?) My mother died in my early teens and for the most part I spent my time being shuffled around between relatives and ignored; no one ever seemed to bother to even consider that I might have developmental differences and just acted like I was 'being difficult'. Sensory issues (music drives me insane, I can't stand many textures), difficulties understanding and handling stress, etc. were and are constant factors in my life. Being blamed for your inability to handle stress and the fact that everything ESPECIALLY PEOPLE stress me out as though I HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER IT has caused serious resentment and mistrust between me, my family and any of these 'professionals' who all seem to be completely oblivious and mostly just concerned with getting you out of their office if you present the slightest difficulty.
Since my late teens I have been beleagured with expectations to 'get a job', despite my OBVIOUS INABILITY to social function. I went to the the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation in Vancouver, Washington and the woman there's attitude from start to finish was unchanged: "I don't want to believe you have Aspergers" she said (direct quote), and "all I'll give you are the same resources Worksource would." Again, I'm just 'not trying hard enough'. People don't want to recognize that willpower and executive functions are limited resources, and I do not have these resources in the same degree others do, and our sources and degree of stress are much higher, too. Just because I am not drooling on myself does not change the fact that I executive, concentration and multitasking issues prevent me from organizing or executing a job search, that I can not perform in ordinary work environments and that EVERY ATTEMPT TO DO SO HAS LED TO A TOTAL MELTDOWN AND SUICIDAL DEPRESSION ON MY PART. My desire to kill myself increases every week, as it seems to be my only option! "Do the impossible!" I'm told, and no one even wants to take my issues seriously.
I have no identification, essentially nowhere to live, I can't even find anywhere to get diagnosed, SSI denied me, my foodstamps were canceled because I don't have a phone or transportation, seeing a counselor and reading 'Aspergers and Stress' types book is not helping (too little, too late) and the sorts of drawn out wrangling with Social Security I'd have to engage in is not something I can track or handle. There are no resources for people with my social/developmental disabilities that I can find in the city/state, I have failed out of Jobcorps because of my inability to handle the stress and control and now I'm almost 29 years old with no education, no resources, no future. Washington has closing down all their sheltered workshops, and whatever resources might exist from the social services or SSI I can't get because I can't manage to get a diagnosis in the first place. Keep in mind, this is AFTER I was hospitalized for suicidal intent, sent to a confined hospital just recently; there simply DO NOT APPEAR TO EXIST any state agencies who are willing to take this seriously or offer actual ways to deal with it. All I get is the same old FAILED advice to DO WHAT I CAN'T DO. I can't handle this and I'm not capable of figuring any of this out. I need to find someone I can seriously talk to who can help me to get social services, caretaking, something or I am going to end up on the street. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I have such a hard time actually organizing anything and there aren't any guns handy. I'm tired of talking to therapists and taking sugar pills and getting shuffled around between bureaucracies who offer up more of the same non-advice and insulting condescension. I'm tired of being treated by my family and DSHS morons like I'm lazy because they're to ignorant to understand there is a difference between verbal competence and being able to function under pressure in a social environment. It is HARD for me to even play a video game that stresses me out, most of the time I quit because I can't take it. I CAN'T ****ING TAKE THIS ANYMORE, and NO ONE wants to offer me any real help. I know they might mean well, but just offering me new places to throw applications when employment is NOT REALISTIC only makes me hate my sister. She says she can't take care of a person who can't support himself, but I can't either. She doesn't seem to want to accept that there's nothing I can do about it, she can't understand that it takes all the willpower I have to even get dressed and talk to a stranger ONCE. I can't function in a work environment, and if the option is between WASTING MY TIME FAILING TO GET A JOB I COULDN'T KEEP THAT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF or LIVING ON THE STREET AND WANTING TO KILL MYSELF I think I'll just skip the garbage and kill myself already.
You're right you need help. And you're also right in that you need a diagnosis first.
Aspergers is no longer listed a condition in and of itself, so not considered a disability. Now it falls under the autism spectrum and in that way help may be available.
Click on the link. Go to the first & third on the list of places for help.
You say you are anti-social, refused to finish schooling. You say you think medication is "sugar pills," you can't deal with stress and "control," can't keep a job even with help from Jobcorps, Workforce, and Voc Rehab (and now refuse to apply for work), can't can't deal with Social Security, DHS, therapists or counselors, your family, "social environment," paperwork.
It seems that many branches of welfare and social services and perhaps private agencies, have since your childhood provided for you at considerable public expense just about every weapon in their arsenal to help you.
Yet you refuse to take professional advice, and have no respect for the therapy, rehab, leads, or programs given to you. You describe social service personnel as "morons," "condescending,""ignorant," as having "attitude," and "oblivious" to your case, think your psychotherapists went to "clown school" and mental hospitals have failed you, all because their diagnosis of your problems did not conform to what you have self-diagnosed yourself to be.
Have you even considered that they may be right in their diagnosis?
Last edited by nightlysparrow; 10-05-2013 at 05:55 PM..
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