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Old 12-13-2014, 01:04 AM
 
5 posts, read 4,782 times
Reputation: 23

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I'll start by saying I know this isn't the proper way to be diagnosed. I'm just looking for some insight from other people who may have experienced the things that I am going through.

I'm a woman in my late 20s. Ever since my teen years, I have suffered from bouts of depression. I should probably mention I was sexually abused as a child and never told my parents or went to therapy. I told my parents I was depressed and they just thought it was normal teen angst / puberty and ignored it, even when I said I wanted to kill myself. I swear my parents are not bad people, they just had a lot going on at the time.

For the past year my depression has returned very fiercely, accompanied by mood swings. My boyfriend of six years half way believes I have some form of bipolar disorder. I can't really take him all that seriously because he has no experience with bipolar disorder, he isn't a doctor, and he has diagnosed me with three or four other disorders as well.

I don't have the mania associated with bipolar disorder. My mood goes from very depressed with the desire to harm myself or even commit suicide, to feeling ok. Once in a while my mood will be good enough to feel hopeful. I'll actually have some energy (I usually have none), laugh, and I'll even plan projects and think about the future in a positive way. But it isn't to the level of mania. I just feel like a normal person. But within one to three days I'll crash again and go back to planning my suicide and crying for no reason. I'll usually go through these three stages at least once every 1-2 weeks.

I have a lot of reasons to be depressed right now. I am in a relationship I'm not too happy in but I find it difficult to leave, I'm completely unsuccessful in my career, a close family member is terminally ill, and I have financial problems. There are way too many things wrong to list here. But even with all these problems, I still feel like my level of depression is abnormal.

I'm also experiencing moderate aching joints, trouble focusing on things, headaches, and mild memory loss. The worst of my memory loss happened a month ago. I was in one room of my home when I suddenly thought "how did I get here?" The last thing I remembered was being in another room, but I couldn't remember walking into the current room. My boyfriend says I am spacey and just day dream too much and that's why I didn't remember. I do day dream a lot, but I've never forgotten how I got somewhere before.

I really want to go to therapy, but my boyfriend is completely against it and is trying to pressure me not to go. I have no insurance and we have no money. We are behind on basic bills, and he is the sole breadwinner right now and doesn't want to pay for therapy.

He believes my problems are simple. I am depressed because I think about my own feelings too much and I'm a little too self-centered. I'm depressed because I'm not grateful for what I do have and think too much about what I don't have and can't "make the best of things." And the list goes on. He says if I address those issues, I'll be happier and feel better and won't need therapy.

I would like to finally address the sexual abuse I went through as a kid also. I don't get why he is so against it. His last girlfriend before me was raped and he applauded her for going to therapy, so I don't know why I'm different.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Has anyone had similar experiences? Any insight?

If you got to the end of this long rant, thanks for reading/listening!
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Old 12-13-2014, 02:52 AM
 
160 posts, read 333,196 times
Reputation: 236
Bipolar is different. I am the same way with depression. What I started doing was accepting that nobody understands depression unless they have it. When my counselor said to me is don't worry about what other people think. Who knows what they want anyway and that it took a while and I got so sick and tired of trying to explain it to them. After I accepted that I begin 2 find my way and I had to go back to partial therapy instead of checking into the hospital. But I learn how to manage it.
I know you feel alone. Your happy with your boyfriend but it just hurts the most that he doesn't understand it. Go to therapy I mean intense therapy. Make a to do list each. Not a week but each day nexus other you be overwhelmed. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE. That is the most important thing. If you private message me and give your email address I can send you alot of advice. Luckily I have a happy gay therapist. They are the best to talk to. Their confident.
I still struggle with it, it's part of my life. Don't take it personal when your family doesnt understand that is going to happen but once you accept that that's where your journey begins.
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Old 12-13-2014, 06:50 AM
 
Location: South Florida
765 posts, read 1,241,859 times
Reputation: 2528
Are you on any form of hormonal birth control?
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Old 12-13-2014, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Somewhere
6,370 posts, read 5,998,739 times
Reputation: 583
Quote:
Originally Posted by brayli View Post
I'll start by saying I know this isn't the proper way to be diagnosed. I'm just looking for some insight from other people who may have experienced the things that I am going through.

I'm a woman in my late 20s. Ever since my teen years, I have suffered from bouts of depression. I should probably mention I was sexually abused as a child and never told my parents or went to therapy. I told my parents I was depressed and they just thought it was normal teen angst / puberty and ignored it, even when I said I wanted to kill myself. I swear my parents are not bad people, they just had a lot going on at the time.

For the past year my depression has returned very fiercely, accompanied by mood swings. My boyfriend of six years half way believes I have some form of bipolar disorder. I can't really take him all that seriously because he has no experience with bipolar disorder, he isn't a doctor, and he has diagnosed me with three or four other disorders as well.

I don't have the mania associated with bipolar disorder. My mood goes from very depressed with the desire to harm myself or even commit suicide, to feeling ok. Once in a while my mood will be good enough to feel hopeful. I'll actually have some energy (I usually have none), laugh, and I'll even plan projects and think about the future in a positive way. But it isn't to the level of mania. I just feel like a normal person. But within one to three days I'll crash again and go back to planning my suicide and crying for no reason. I'll usually go through these three stages at least once every 1-2 weeks.

I have a lot of reasons to be depressed right now. I am in a relationship I'm not too happy in but I find it difficult to leave, I'm completely unsuccessful in my career, a close family member is terminally ill, and I have financial problems. There are way too many things wrong to list here. But even with all these problems, I still feel like my level of depression is abnormal.

I'm also experiencing moderate aching joints, trouble focusing on things, headaches, and mild memory loss. The worst of my memory loss happened a month ago. I was in one room of my home when I suddenly thought "how did I get here?" The last thing I remembered was being in another room, but I couldn't remember walking into the current room. My boyfriend says I am spacey and just day dream too much and that's why I didn't remember. I do day dream a lot, but I've never forgotten how I got somewhere before.

I really want to go to therapy, but my boyfriend is completely against it and is trying to pressure me not to go. I have no insurance and we have no money. We are behind on basic bills, and he is the sole breadwinner right now and doesn't want to pay for therapy.

He believes my problems are simple. I am depressed because I think about my own feelings too much and I'm a little too self-centered. I'm depressed because I'm not grateful for what I do have and think too much about what I don't have and can't "make the best of things." And the list goes on. He says if I address those issues, I'll be happier and feel better and won't need therapy.

I would like to finally address the sexual abuse I went through as a kid also. I don't get why he is so against it. His last girlfriend before me was raped and he applauded her for going to therapy, so I don't know why I'm different.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Has anyone had similar experiences? Any insight?

If you got to the end of this long rant, thanks for reading/listening!
Start with good nutrition. Maybe increase nutrition that is related to good brain function such as B complex vitamins - especially niacin and see if it helps you but you probably also need a side effort in getting professional help. There may be free medical help. Find a mental health facility and ask them if there is such help.
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Old 12-13-2014, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 90,610,997 times
Reputation: 39966
Quote:
Originally Posted by brayli View Post
I'll start by saying I know this isn't the proper way to be diagnosed. I'm just looking for some insight from other people who may have experienced the things that I am going through.

I'm a woman in my late 20s. Ever since my teen years, I have suffered from bouts of depression. I should probably mention I was sexually abused as a child and never told my parents or went to therapy. I told my parents I was depressed and they just thought it was normal teen angst / puberty and ignored it, even when I said I wanted to kill myself. I swear my parents are not bad people, they just had a lot going on at the time.

For the past year my depression has returned very fiercely, accompanied by mood swings. My boyfriend of six years half way believes I have some form of bipolar disorder. I can't really take him all that seriously because he has no experience with bipolar disorder, he isn't a doctor, and he has diagnosed me with three or four other disorders as well.

I don't have the mania associated with bipolar disorder. My mood goes from very depressed with the desire to harm myself or even commit suicide, to feeling ok. Once in a while my mood will be good enough to feel hopeful. I'll actually have some energy (I usually have none), laugh, and I'll even plan projects and think about the future in a positive way. But it isn't to the level of mania. I just feel like a normal person. But within one to three days I'll crash again and go back to planning my suicide and crying for no reason. I'll usually go through these three stages at least once every 1-2 weeks.

I have a lot of reasons to be depressed right now. I am in a relationship I'm not too happy in but I find it difficult to leave, I'm completely unsuccessful in my career, a close family member is terminally ill, and I have financial problems. There are way too many things wrong to list here. But even with all these problems, I still feel like my level of depression is abnormal.

I'm also experiencing moderate aching joints, trouble focusing on things, headaches, and mild memory loss. The worst of my memory loss happened a month ago. I was in one room of my home when I suddenly thought "how did I get here?" The last thing I remembered was being in another room, but I couldn't remember walking into the current room. My boyfriend says I am spacey and just day dream too much and that's why I didn't remember. I do day dream a lot, but I've never forgotten how I got somewhere before.

I really want to go to therapy, but my boyfriend is completely against it and is trying to pressure me not to go. I have no insurance and we have no money. We are behind on basic bills, and he is the sole breadwinner right now and doesn't want to pay for therapy.

He believes my problems are simple. I am depressed because I think about my own feelings too much and I'm a little too self-centered. I'm depressed because I'm not grateful for what I do have and think too much about what I don't have and can't "make the best of things." And the list goes on. He says if I address those issues, I'll be happier and feel better and won't need therapy.

I would like to finally address the sexual abuse I went through as a kid also. I don't get why he is so against it. His last girlfriend before me was raped and he applauded her for going to therapy, so I don't know why I'm different.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Has anyone had similar experiences? Any insight?

If you got to the end of this long rant, thanks for reading/listening!
Start by losing your boyfriend.

He is a completely clueless jerk and you will not get better without someone more emotionally supportive in your life.

Then make an appt with a therapist specializing in depression and sexual abuse. You need help honey, and I know you know that. But the good news is, you CAN get through this and on to a better life.

Make that call first thing Monday okay?
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Old 12-13-2014, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
6,288 posts, read 3,186,520 times
Reputation: 3096
Quote:
Originally Posted by trettep View Post
Start with good nutrition. Maybe increase nutrition that is related to good brain function such as B complex vitamins - especially niacin and see if it helps you but you probably also need a side effort in getting professional help. There may be free medical help. Find a mental health facility and ask them if there is such help.
I'd suggest taking sublingual B12 as well. (One cannot overdose on B12).

Also add L-Theanine and L-Tryptophan to that and also minerals with plenty of zinc and magnesium. L-Theanine is the amino acid used by the brain to make GABA and GABA steadies the moods and L-Tryptophan is the amino acid used by the brain to make serotonin which makes one feel normal. Also add vitamin K2, A, D and E and omega-3. The effects of L-Theanine can be felt almost immediately but I found it took a few days before my anxiety and depression subsided (it works for anxiety and poor sleep as well).

When you see your doctor tell him/her about the theanine and tryptophan - one doesn't want too much serotonin (not that the brain will make more than needed but is there is a deficiency and re-uptake inhibitors are prescribed and then the serotonin levels are restored to normal there could be an excess available in the synapses).

Last edited by 303Guy; 12-13-2014 at 02:32 PM..
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Old 12-13-2014, 01:58 PM
 
Location: LA, CA/ In This Time and Place
5,444 posts, read 3,694,701 times
Reputation: 5068
You should see a therapist and/or psychiatrist, ideally those who specialize in helping survivors of sexual abuse. I listen to Love Line, and Dr. Drew Pinsky always stresses to people with your background to seek therapy and professional mental health. You can insurance which helps pay, and seek one that has experience with sexual trauma survivors.

Good luck!
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Old 12-13-2014, 02:01 PM
 
Location: LA, CA/ In This Time and Place
5,444 posts, read 3,694,701 times
Reputation: 5068
Quote:
Originally Posted by brayli View Post
I'll start by saying I know this isn't the proper way to be diagnosed. I'm just looking for some insight from other people who may have experienced the things that I am going through.

I'm a woman in my late 20s. Ever since my teen years, I have suffered from bouts of depression. I should probably mention I was sexually abused as a child and never told my parents or went to therapy. I told my parents I was depressed and they just thought it was normal teen angst / puberty and ignored it, even when I said I wanted to kill myself. I swear my parents are not bad people, they just had a lot going on at the time.

For the past year my depression has returned very fiercely, accompanied by mood swings. My boyfriend of six years half way believes I have some form of bipolar disorder. I can't really take him all that seriously because he has no experience with bipolar disorder, he isn't a doctor, and he has diagnosed me with three or four other disorders as well.

I don't have the mania associated with bipolar disorder. My mood goes from very depressed with the desire to harm myself or even commit suicide, to feeling ok. Once in a while my mood will be good enough to feel hopeful. I'll actually have some energy (I usually have none), laugh, and I'll even plan projects and think about the future in a positive way. But it isn't to the level of mania. I just feel like a normal person. But within one to three days I'll crash again and go back to planning my suicide and crying for no reason. I'll usually go through these three stages at least once every 1-2 weeks.

I have a lot of reasons to be depressed right now. I am in a relationship I'm not too happy in but I find it difficult to leave, I'm completely unsuccessful in my career, a close family member is terminally ill, and I have financial problems. There are way too many things wrong to list here. But even with all these problems, I still feel like my level of depression is abnormal.

I'm also experiencing moderate aching joints, trouble focusing on things, headaches, and mild memory loss. The worst of my memory loss happened a month ago. I was in one room of my home when I suddenly thought "how did I get here?" The last thing I remembered was being in another room, but I couldn't remember walking into the current room. My boyfriend says I am spacey and just day dream too much and that's why I didn't remember. I do day dream a lot, but I've never forgotten how I got somewhere before.

I really want to go to therapy, but my boyfriend is completely against it and is trying to pressure me not to go. I have no insurance and we have no money. We are behind on basic bills, and he is the sole breadwinner right now and doesn't want to pay for therapy.

He believes my problems are simple. I am depressed because I think about my own feelings too much and I'm a little too self-centered. I'm depressed because I'm not grateful for what I do have and think too much about what I don't have and can't "make the best of things." And the list goes on. He says if I address those issues, I'll be happier and feel better and won't need therapy.

I would like to finally address the sexual abuse I went through as a kid also. I don't get why he is so against it. His last girlfriend before me was raped and he applauded her for going to therapy, so I don't know why I'm different.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Has anyone had similar experiences? Any insight?

If you got to the end of this long rant, thanks for reading/listening!
You are an adult, someone who went through what you went through needs to seek professional mental help! You can't rely on your boyfriend's advice who is so dead set against you getting help! Why is that? You are not happy with the relationship according to your OP, and I am not surprised. Get health insurance, there is the Affordable Care Act, choose an option. You do have ways to get help, you just have to get it. I don't know if it is depression or bipolar, you have to get help.
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Old 12-14-2014, 02:31 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,782 times
Reputation: 23
Thank you to everyone who replied. My nutrition is generally pretty good and I work out nearly every day. It makes me feel a bit better momentarily but as soon as I am done exercising I usually feel crappy again. I don't get a long term lift from it.

I didn't mean to make my boyfriend out into the world's worst guy. He was a lot more supportive a while back but I think he is just frustrated now. To an outside person, even someone close to me, my bad moods or sadness probably get annoying. He has a lot on his own plate without me dumping my own depression on there.

What I'm curious about is the memory loss - has anyone else experienced something like that? It was really strange not remembering how I got to where I was.
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Old 12-14-2014, 02:44 PM
 
10,960 posts, read 6,430,010 times
Reputation: 10924
I think that you have a lot of reasons to be depressed, just due to life circumstances. From a health perspective it would be worth getting your thyroid checked.
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