Depression and genetics (In Need Of Positive Feedback) (depressed, paranoid, psychiatrist)

[RunD1987]

Hi, I been dealing with depression for awhile I guess. Can't recall when it started. I remember family divorced when I was four or five. Grew up with my mom who tried to control my life what I wore, ate, friends spent time with, and so forth. I always had issues of self image as something that relates in regards to my families criticism in my life and peers went on was going to high school many year's ago. Became anorexic lost a lot of weight in unhealthy ways. Family member's passing and leaving home to go to college depression grew worse and made an attempt to take my life, but stopped myself. Found running and life started to improve. Friendships were short and many ended was by myself a lot. Life went well in till end of college with increase stress to finish school and concern over completion. Then life changes began graduated college with ideas where to go, but nothing came to fruition. Did meet my first girlfriend after college. Life then like ked it self back up again. However, I took chances with job's in hopes to find my purpose in life that I felt lost with. Money became tight and questioned my relationship with my girlfriend. Thing's again picked up started a new job I loved it. However, my relationship ended and again felt empty alone inside. Tried to find new relationship found what was a great person, but not the right person for me. Spent year and half with the person. During that time depression became full blown. Family criticized me relentlessly questioning how I look, weight I gained, money I spent, people I was with, wondered what I am doing with my life, blaming me for hurting them with my life choices, and so forth.

I was depressed had trouble working went to the psychiatrist and was put on some medication. Feel medication made my life worse as thing's began spiraling further out of control in my life.

Finally thing's hit a bump lost my job, but good thing's did come out of it as well bad things. Met my current girlfriend who I am in love with and hope is the one. However, also had to move back home with my mom which is less then healthy. Currently living with my mom thing's continue trying to control my life and decisions. Questioning how I look. Inappropriate boundaries running around the house naked or barging into my room. Making threats to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a job. Family continues the cycle of criticism as well questioning my life choices.

Right now changing job's. Can't tell my mom because if she finds out worried about the consequences. Right now not in a financially sound place to leave home yet. Finances keep piling up adding to the stress. On top of that the stress of trying to find the right job, fix my financial siuation, and worried what am I going to do with my life. I worry about telling my current job I am leaving. I am increasingly paranoid and anxiety attacks at this time.

In addition, my dad has bipolar/manic depression. My mom I think as well, but does not want to seek treatment. I feel overwhelmed, afraid, and feel hopeless right now. What can I do in need of some positive word's please.

[CraigCreek]

See if your community has low-cost mental health services where you could get counseling. The cost should be tied to your income. While you cannot do much about your parents' issues, you can get help for yourself, and it is commendable that you recognize that things need to change. Your parents don't need to know that you're getting counseling, and there is no doubt that a good counselor - probably a psychologist - would be able to offer you constructive suggestions and encouragement.

It sounds as if your current situation is contributing to your depression, but you may also need meds. If you know a particular medication doesn't work for you, as in the case of the medication you were on previously, then tell the doctor and see if something else might work. It is not unusual to have to try several things before finding the one which will work with your system effectively and without unpleasant side effects. You may need to go back to a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) for this, or your regular physician may be able to prescribe for you.

Some practical suggestions: get a lock for your bedroom door and keep it locked anytime you don't want your mother to "invade". She won't like it, but if she's barging in on you as you describe, she has serious issues with boundaries. So - lock your door behind you as you enter and leave your bedroom, and find things to do outside the house to minimize your time spent interacting with your parents.

Do you have friends in addition to your girlfriend with whom you can spend time? Other inexpensive suggestions would be to spend time in the library - reading or online or attending programs, visiting local museums, walking or playing pick-up sports in the park, seeing what the Y has to offer (not free, but inexpensive), church activities for young adults, etc.

Now is unlikely to be a good time to take things to the next level with your girlfriend. Spend time together, yes, but postpone getting more serious until things are more stable at home, or until you can afford to move out. Work on developing deep friendship rather than a romantic relationship now, and when things stabilize, you'll have a good foundation whether she remains a good friend or if the friendship turns to a serious romantic relationship.

Moving out should be a major goal, even if it's just to a rented room somewhere decent. Would you consider having a roommate? That would save you money, but make sure any potential roommates are stable and live reasonably quietly and neatly, and that they pay their share.

Don't tell your current boss or supervisor you are job-hunting and planning to leave until a new job is firmly in place. You may need to give two weeks' notice at that time - but until then, keep your plans to yourself. Can you pick up a second, part-time job to increase your cash flow?

You've got a lot going on now: work, parents, girlfriend, depression - and it sounds as if they're all contributing to each other. So take things one at a time and consider these suggestions to address them.

Best wishes to you.

[RunD1987]

Well I was able to deal with the stress of telling my boss I got the job. Thankfully that is over and done with. I love to go back to counseling once a month to talk and let all feelings out. Appreciate the feedback.