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Has anyone here had a bad experience with a therapist? What was your experience?
I really need to rant about the therapist that I am seeing right now. I have been going to her for a few years. When I first went to see her, I went to address my anxiety. I am not going to say that she didn't help me at all, but three years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was, and at times still am, confused and I have a tough time wrapping my head around it. The problem is, that she doesn't seem to have a clue about how to help someone with bipolar. When I try to talk about it, she seems dismissive, saying things like "I think we are all a little bit bipolar", and tried to steer me toward something that she has more experience treating. It is very frustrating.
The last appointment that I had with her was a week ago. I had some difficulties and had wanted to talk to her about building a better support system and using better coping skills for the next time to try to avoid a full-blown crisis. She said that my standards were too low for the friends in my life, that she is emotionally healthy, and told me how she handles things. She told me where I could meet new people. I have bipolar, I am not a freaking idiot. I know where I could go to meet new people if I want to. I mentioned that I had some job stress and she told me to get training in another profession. I have neither the time nor the money to do this, and she knows it. I found it really unhelpful. I need to learn how to better manage my current situation, not to avoid it. I know as well as anyone else that some stress is just unavoidable and I need a way to deal with it so that I do not have an episode. When I give her valid reasons why I cannot follow her advice (lack of funds, conflict of schedule), she gets defensive. She never addressed my desire to work on a safety plan or how to better cope with the circumstances in my life. I left more upset and frustrated than when I went in.
Now, here are some other things that bother me. It may seem petty, but for the last couple of years, she has not bothered to order new business cards and writes my appointments on a Post-It note. How hard is it to order new business cards?! It just seems unprofessional to me. Also, we have been working outside my insurance, in part because she thinks that it is a pain to work with my insurance company. At $70 per month, that is $840 a year that is coming out of my pocket that is not going toward my deductible. It bothers me that she doesn't want to do some basic aspects of her job. Also, she overshares. I get that she is probably trying to establish and maintain rapport, but I am not there to here about where she went on vacation or what she bought, or that she doesn't like to share her dessert. I am not there to talk about her. When I told her that I have panic attacks when I am on the highway, she said that she herself avoids driving on the highway. How is that supposed to help me? More and more I resent going there because I feel like I am spending money for no reason. Some people told me to address it with her, but it is not the first time that instead of listening and asking questions, she has just given me advice that I could get here on C-D or from anyone else for free. I just do not want to waste my breath.
I am looking for a new therapist right now, one who has training in the issues that I am trying to deal with. I am trying to do my due diligence by researching them online and asking them questions about their modalities of treatment and their therapy style, rather than just going with someone that my EAP refers to me. I am hoping that I get the help that I need because I hate wasting time and money on something that seems not to help at all.
I recently discovered that I am BiPolar after suffering from major depression, and then major depressive episodes following times of feeling extremely well. Fortunately I found a great therapist that also takes my insurance, which is difficult to find. I went through about 5 possibles until I found this one and have been seeing her for a year and a half and she is great and very helpful. Another component that is very important is a good medical doctor to prescribe and manage mental health medications. I have been extensively researching BiPolar and is is a complicated disease. Fortunately I also found a very competent medical doctor that works with my therapist. By the way my therapist is a Psychologist with a PhD.
If you are interested in discussing further, please direct message me.
OP, sounds as if you are doing what you should be doing. This therapist is not working for you--and guess what--they ARE supposed to work for us!
You're doing the right thing by finding another. Also, sometimes a therapist might be right for us for a while, but as we change and grow we need someone else. Good luck, and I hope you find one with whom you can make better progress.
I like reading posts like yours, because it sounds as though you are taking control of your treatment and your illness rather than letting them take control of you.
Has anyone here had a bad experience with a therapist? What was your experience?
I really need to rant about the therapist that I am seeing right now. I have been going to her for a few years. When I first went to see her, I went to address my anxiety. I am not going to say that she didn't help me at all, but three years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was, and at times still am, confused and I have a tough time wrapping my head around it. The problem is, that she doesn't seem to have a clue about how to help someone with bipolar. When I try to talk about it, she seems dismissive, saying things like "I think we are all a little bit bipolar", and tried to steer me toward something that she has more experience treating. It is very frustrating.
The last appointment that I had with her was a week ago. I had some difficulties and had wanted to talk to her about building a better support system and using better coping skills for the next time to try to avoid a full-blown crisis. She said that my standards were too low for the friends in my life, that she is emotionally healthy, and told me how she handles things. She told me where I could meet new people. I have bipolar, I am not a freaking idiot. I know where I could go to meet new people if I want to. I mentioned that I had some job stress and she told me to get training in another profession. I have neither the time nor the money to do this, and she knows it. I found it really unhelpful. I need to learn how to better manage my current situation, not to avoid it. I know as well as anyone else that some stress is just unavoidable and I need a way to deal with it so that I do not have an episode. When I give her valid reasons why I cannot follow her advice (lack of funds, conflict of schedule), she gets defensive. She never addressed my desire to work on a safety plan or how to better cope with the circumstances in my life. I left more upset and frustrated than when I went in.
Now, here are some other things that bother me. It may seem petty, but for the last couple of years, she has not bothered to order new business cards and writes my appointments on a Post-It note. How hard is it to order new business cards?! It just seems unprofessional to me. Also, we have been working outside my insurance, in part because she thinks that it is a pain to work with my insurance company. At $70 per month, that is $840 a year that is coming out of my pocket that is not going toward my deductible. It bothers me that she doesn't want to do some basic aspects of her job. Also, she overshares. I get that she is probably trying to establish and maintain rapport, but I am not there to here about where she went on vacation or what she bought, or that she doesn't like to share her dessert. I am not there to talk about her. When I told her that I have panic attacks when I am on the highway, she said that she herself avoids driving on the highway. How is that supposed to help me? More and more I resent going there because I feel like I am spending money for no reason. Some people told me to address it with her, but it is not the first time that instead of listening and asking questions, she has just given me advice that I could get here on C-D or from anyone else for free. I just do not want to waste my breath.
I am looking for a new therapist right now, one who has training in the issues that I am trying to deal with. I am trying to do my due diligence by researching them online and asking them questions about their modalities of treatment and their therapy style, rather than just going with someone that my EAP refers to me. I am hoping that I get the help that I need because I hate wasting time and money on something that seems not to help at all.
Nope, my experience was brief but very productive.
They are there to help your mental health , not your life issues.
That is to say ...your BEING, not your DOINGS.
I'm currently having the same problem. I was looking for a therapist who did CBT therapy and I found someone who claims they do. Four sessions is and they said we are doing EMDR therapy instead. They said I must have had a trauma at some point in my life and this will fix it all. lol I'm like, hey, I'm Autistic. But still, they keep going on the EMDR path.
At a hundred dollars a pop, I'm unsure what to do. Keep trying this new strange trauma therapy or looking for someone else who will actually do the Cognitive therapy for my anxiety, that I was told would help me. I wish I could say that counseling has helped me and I've been to several over the last couple of years, but it doesn't seem to do much so far.
Good luck with your new search, I hope you find someone.
OP, sounds as if you are doing what you should be doing. This therapist is not working for you--and guess what--they ARE supposed to work for us!
You're doing the right thing by finding another. Also, sometimes a therapist might be right for us for a while, but as we change and grow we need someone else. Good luck, and I hope you find one with whom you can make better progress.
I like reading posts like yours, because it sounds as though you are taking control of your treatment and your illness rather than letting them take control of you.
Thank you. I was kind of nervous about meeting with someone new because I was wondering if I was making the right decision. After meeting with the new therapist last week, I feel like I accomplished more in just one session than I have in the last three years. Plus, she has no problems taking my insurance, and I met my deductible for the year, so now it is costing me under ten dollars versus $70 out of pocket to see the old one because she didn't want to deal with my insurance. I like this new one and I feel like I made the right decision. I have another appointment today and I am looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish during this session.
Nope, my experience was brief but very productive.
They are there to help your mental health , not your life issues.
That is to say ...your BEING, not your DOINGS.
That's what it all boils down to. The therapist's can only help with so many things. But outside from suggesting some forms of intervention to prevent something from occurring that's making life hard, everything you do outside of the office is all on you.
I've been having financial difficulties regardless of how much money I'm making. This has been a large, life issue that I've come to find that no amount of therapy will ever solve.
$20,000/year, $80,000/year, it's all the same if you make dumb decisions like having a parent still needing money from you when others their age are financially independent.
I'm at the moment right now where I'm having to make a decision to either keep helping them because it's the right thing to do and won't make me look like a monster.
Or tell their old self they're on their own and inevitable get shunned/avoided by the rest of the family because I essentially just sent an old fart off to their doom.
OP, I'm so glad that you kicked your old therapist to the curb! Some people just shouldn't be counselors, and others burn out.
In addition to some truly wonderful ones, I've had two horrible "therapists." I didn't know the most recent one wasn't actually a psychologist, she turned out to be a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Well, first off, it was clear that I knew more about psychology than she did, which is kind of a bummer when you're sitting there hoping like heck the person across from you can help you with your issues. I told her that I tend to have issues around anxiety and depression, but that the depression was the most pressing problem at that point. For some unknown reason, she instantly and irreparably became absolutely fixated on panic attacks, even though I told her that I had only ever had one of those, that it happened literally three decades ago (when I was on a mini submarine in the Bahamas, unlikely to occur again now that I know I'm claustrophobic), and that I had no concern whatsoever about having another panic attack. She had this huge three ring binder where she had all kinds of photocopied articles from "Psychology Today" and other magazines and instead of talking about the issue, she would pull out a photocopy and tell me to read it at home and let her know what I thought. I honestly think that she was waiting for me to explain the articles to her.
After the third session where she was focusing on panic attacks and would not be redirected no matter what I said, I asked her what her therapeutic plan for me was. She didn't know what I was talking about. When I put it in simpler terms, she said, "Oh, you know, you talk a little and then I talk a little." I decided my insurance company didn't need to pay for me to have a dimwitted chitchat buddy so I quit her. I have now found a wonderful Clinical Psychologist who has been extremely helpful. (One big plus with my new therapist is that she understands multisyllabic words. I was having a difficult time dumbing down my vocabulary to the point that the LMHC could understand what I was saying.)
The other "therapist" was someone who worked in the clinic where I had my health plan. This was quite a few years ago when I was having another bout of depression. I was hoping to delve into some of my painful childhood issues with a caring counselor who could help me to unravel what had gone on. She was one of those women who are the size of a twig. She listened to me for nearly the entire hour without saying anything. I talked in depth about my family of origin, where a lot of hurtful things had happened to me in my childhood. At the end of the session, she narrowed her eyes at me and said, "When are you going to do something about your weight?" Now, I was maybe 30 pounds overweight and had not once mentioned to her that this was any kind of an issue for me or something I wanted or needed help with. I was so shocked, I stuttered and stammered a few words about how I knew I needed to lose a few pounds, etc. etc. I knew in that moment that she had not listened to a word I had said, just sat there fixated on the fact that I was a fatty who wouldn't have a happy moment in my life until my physical appearance was acceptable to her. Considering that my weight was directly related to childhood abandonment issues, I felt really disrespected, unheard, and poorly treated. That was my only session with her. I knew she was mean and mean people don't change when they are the ones in power.
Had a bad experience. I did not know that my therapist had been arrested for insurance fraud less than a month before our first meeting. I only knew I didn't much care for her talking so much to me about her personal life and telling me about her other clients (due to confidentiality). I found out why. She was trying to defend herself in advance, in case I did a little investigating online. She was out on bail with an ongoing felony case against her.
As the OP says " I get that she is probably trying to establish and maintain rapport, but I am not there to here about where she went on vacation or what she bought, or that she doesn't like to share her dessert. I am not there to talk about her. " I was thinking the exact same thing. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, and that is why I went 5 sessions, with misgivings, until --
I received a letter from my insurance company saying she had left as a provider.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson - just leave when the therapist talks too much about themselves or other clients. Its a warning. Find someone else, immediately.
Last edited by Devalight; 07-07-2017 at 06:40 PM..
My therapist is young and recently finished her schooling so I don't know how good she is, but I enjoy talking to her so far. I like to think that with each session, I'm teaching her about things she's never really heard of before, so I'm a good client to break her in.
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