Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A friend and I were having a discussion that it's normal for couples to lose their temper every now and then to break things in a heated argument. I was like its one thing to get mad and walk away to cool off. Breaking things is taking it a bit too far and wouldn't want it eventually escalated to physical abuse.
Growing up, I've seen my dad mad on rare occasions but never breaking anything
Breaking things is a deal breaker for me, personally, because it is one step away from actually putting your hands on the other person and doing them harm.
Not a normal behavior or reaction to anger. It is exceptional behavior.
I recall one day in my adult life that I actually was so emotionally overwhelmed and stressed with many things going on and so angry that it affected me physically. I was literally trembling and needed a physical release. I walked outside and threw some rocks at trees and screamed until I stopped trembling and calmed down. I was alone at the time and it was not witnessed by anyone else. This one time was truly, truly an exceptional instance of 100's of overwhelming emotions that resulted in feeling intensely angry. I don't ever want to experience it again.
It's also a potential indicator of abuse. It'd be an immediate dealbreaker for me.
It can be.
My ex was pretty good at being socially appropriate and concealing his anger management issues in day-to-day, outward social life/work life. It wasn't too long after we moved in together that it became impossible to conceal. We had only lived together for a couple of months when he had a. put his hand through a plate-glass cupboard door because he was mad that he'd left the fridge cracked open all night, and b. snapped the turn signal lever COMPLETELY OFF on my new car, because he got lost on our way to a wedding reception and was hammering on the steering wheel like a tantrumming toddler. Later in our relationship, he literally ripped a textbook in two down the spine and threw the two halves across the room (at the dog, no less) while stressing about a CPA exam, and literally ripped the house apart due to frustration from misplacing his keys numerous times. There is no way I could possibly keep track of all the times he verbally raged about inconsequential crap, but didn't physically lash out, but there were enough times he physically lashed out, too.
In his case, he was a small, frustrated, ineffectual individual who had a lot of pent up rage about that, and, well, everything in life. His abusing me was never a concern, at least physically. I do strongly suspect that he secretly took out aggression on the dog we adopted, though, when I wasn't around...the way the dog reacted to him was too puzzling for that not to have been the case. I don't know if he hit the dog or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. He was a winner.
It is not healthy behavior obviously, but as others have said yes it can become more dangerous than that if left unaddressed. My father used to scream, throw/break things and then this escalated to physical abuse towards my mom. The problem was that he lived in denial about his problem, always blaming someone else for making him get to that level instead of taking responsibility for his own behavior. As long as the person is willing to admit their anger issues and wants to change, counseling and/or anger management is a great start
I've heard this type of argument. "So-and-so sets him off." Sometimes it's even a child in the family who "sets dad off". That's nonsense, of course. Adults are supposed to be the calm, rational ones, not the ones throwing tantrums. How could a child possibly "set off" an adult? Who is the child in the equation, and which individual is the adult? The roles can become reversed in situations like this.
And if you observe the tantrum-prone adult over time, you'll notice sooner or later that they set themselves off; they may have a tendency to ruminate over the past, making themselves angry, or may have other dysfunctional habits that cause them to "go off".
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 25 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,359,979 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
I could never understand why people would break things during an argument.
Breaking things cost money, Lol
Exactly! Some things are expensive like electronics and cellphones.
The way I see it when someone lashes out breaking objects or slamming things on a hard surface like a table, those are poor coping mechanisms to deal with life. And there's almost always underlying issues why they act out in that manner instead of learning how to communicate effectively.
My abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted father used to (and probably still does)..
I've read before that its a way to intimidate others, as in, look what I can/will do. Typically, it will escalate, which was certainly true in my home growing up.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's also a potential indicator of abuse. It'd be an immediate dealbreaker for me.
