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I'm a morning person and I realized in my very early 20s that being a night owl would be a relationship deal-breaker for me. What brought on this realization was spending a summer living with my niece (who is two years younger than me).
I went to bed at 10 and got up at 6. She went to bed at 2 and got up at 10. I loved to go out to the beach or to hike in the early morning hours. It was impossible to wake her then, and waiting around for hours wasting time until she naturally woke up infuriated me. She loved to go out to bars and poetry groups and stay up chatting into the wee hours. That made me exhausted and miserable. I am just not compatible with night owls, and it was a good thing to find this out with a relative and not with someone I was interested in a relationship with, because it was clear that neither type of person can easily change.
You were fortunate! That was my experience too but I learned the hard way not to marry someone or be in a relationship with someone who is an extreme night owl.
Interesting, isn't it. I sleep late but when I do get up, I'm UP and don't need any time or coffee to get going. I'm ready to talk about anything or do anything, but DH needs time to regenerate or something.
I can be like that in the morning, but that is if I wake up on my own, whenever my body is ready. Not when the alarm jerks me out of sleep before I'm done sleeping... which is what happens and has happened most days of most of my life. And then I feel like crap and my tolerance for BS or being bothered is very low.
I'm a morning person and I realized in my very early 20s that being a night owl would be a relationship deal-breaker for me. What brought on this realization was spending a summer living with my niece (who is two years younger than me).
I went to bed at 10 and got up at 6. She went to bed at 2 and got up at 10. I loved to go out to the beach or to hike in the early morning hours. It was impossible to wake her then, and waiting around for hours wasting time until she naturally woke up infuriated me. She loved to go out to bars and poetry groups and stay up chatting into the wee hours. That made me exhausted and miserable. I am just not compatible with night owls, and it was a good thing to find this out with a relative and not with someone I was interested in a relationship with, because it was clear that neither type of person can easily change.
i totally understand. i had a friend that always wanted me to come for donuts and coffee and that required me being out of bed at 6 am which i don't do for anybody. one morning she didn't feel like following through with the plans and didn't bother to call to cancel. i get there and she won't answer the door. i was hot! i decided after that...no more morning friends for me. lol!
i can't even have a conversation for at least the first 15 min. after i'm awake no matter what the time. if i'm outta bed for 5 min. and u start layin into me with 20 questions u r just gonna get looked at like WTF? lol!
I put this thread under mental health because it affects my mental health.
Over the years I've had various relationships and housemates. Looking back, it's mostly men who are really grouchy in the morning. This really affects me because I am a morning person. I wake up energetic and happy, looking forward to the day. I've had 2 relationships (which includes 1 marriage) and 2 housemates. persons I am speaking of are all male. And, my parents and I were all larks, while my brother was a nigh owl who hated mornings (still does). They were/are grouchy and grumpy and you best not try to even talk to them until after noon. It's a huge downer and a waste of time.
I've only ever ended up in one relationship where the man was cheerful in the morning. Why start out the day so negatively? I usually keep quiet because I know better but what I'm thinking is "get over yourself."
I'm not a night person. I get sleepy really early, sometimes by 8pm. I'm not grouchy or crabby when I'm sleepy and/or it's time to go to bed. I just go. No sniping and crabbing.
It is what it is. I do wonder why it is that so many men are grouchy in the morning.
I don't really understand what you were doing to these men to make them that grouchy in the morning. Even if someone is a night person, "grouchiness" doesn't normally last very long unless someone is behaving in an annoying way. You're not one of those people who goes around telling other people to "SMILE!!", are you? lol.
Seriously though, I don't think it was about them being a night person. Maybe it was something you were doing that you didn't realize was bugging them, or maybe it wasn't you at all, maybe they were just weird.
I say this as someone who has been a night person my whole entire life. I like the mornings, they're very pretty with the sun coming up.... but I feel the most "me" at evening twilight and late into the night. My mind gears go into overdrive and my best thinking is done in the evening. Also, hanging around outside at night when the whole rest of the world is either in for the night, or asleep, is very soothing, calming, energizing and delightful. Even the birds are tucked away. It's like you have the whole world to yourself. (Well, maybe not for city folks but for suburban/rural areas.)
In the morning, I'm only a little grouchy for maybe 10-15 minutes tops. And I'm not grouchy at all if I'm alone. I just don't like anyone talking at me because I'm trying to remember and figure out the dreams I just had. When people start talking to me, when I first wake up, it pulls me out of the "just coming out of the dream state" too quickly and I lose the dreams, and that makes me pretty grouchy.
I simply had the misfortune to choose someone(s) who are not a morning person. I don't appreciate being snarled at or grouched at when I've done nothing wrong! This happens even if I'm in another room minding my own business having my peace and quiet.
I did once have a relationship with a morning person who was a marathon runner. He was too chatty in the morning. I like peace and quiet at that time, to enjoy easing into the day. I don't disturb non-morning people. It's just that I don't appreciate being grouched at when I've done nothing wrong.
To tell the truth, the father of my children and I had it worked out to where he would do stuff late when I went to bed, and I would do stuff early while he was sleeping. In that sense, it worked out quite well. He also liked to cook and that left me to do the cleaning and the yard work, both of which I like. So in some ways it worked out well.
I simply had the misfortune to choose someone(s) who are not a morning person. I don't appreciate being snarled at or grouched at when I've done nothing wrong! This happens even if I'm in another room minding my own business having my peace and quiet.
I did once have a relationship with a morning person who was a marathon runner. He was too chatty in the morning. I like peace and quiet at that time, to enjoy easing into the day. I don't disturb non-morning people. It's just that I don't appreciate being grouched at when I've done nothing wrong.
To tell the truth, the father of my children and I had it worked out to where he would do stuff late when I went to bed, and I would do stuff early while he was sleeping. In that sense, it worked out quite well. He also liked to cook and that left me to do the cleaning and the yard work, both of which I like. So in some ways it worked out well.
Well then that tells me that it probably wasn't you, it was them! They were just grouchy weirdos. lol.
Thanks for all the responses. I'm glad Arktikos that your wife realized she needed to alter her behavior somewhat.
I'm not chatty in the morning. I too want peace and quiet like some others here (Sonic and others). When I applied for jobs recently I put that I was not available before noon. I need that special quiet me time because for me, mornings are magical.
I love the early morning with birds singing, and the cool air, and things being peaceful and quiet. It's really a downer when you ask a question that needs to be asked and you get a sour response. I don't think it's too much to ask for someone to be courteous. It's not like I'm trying to have a conversation.
As for being kept up late by a night owl, my body literally crashes so good luck keeping me awake! But I don't snark at people trying to keep me awake. And I've only experienced that a few times.
Your post is rather confusing. You admit you need that special quiet time in the mornings. You stated that when you applied for jobs you put you are not available before noon.
Then--you want someone to be courteous when you ask a question in the morning and you get a sour response. No respect for their "peace and quiet" time.
Some people need time to wake up. I am a morning person, I get up 90 minutes before I have to leave for work to have my quiet time. 99% of the time I am alone. Every so often my son or husband happens to still be awake and wants to have a conversation--has a question, as you say, "needs to be answered". No, just no. I am not ready for that level in "my" mornings. I get up early to adjust my mind to a new day. I have been sleeping for 7-8 hours, I need time to adjust. Slow, quiet morning. There is no question that "needs to be answered" during my peace and quiet morning. Give me time--I am not grouchy, I just need some quiet time.
I simply had the misfortune to choose someone(s) who are not a morning person. I don't appreciate being snarled at or grouched at when I've done nothing wrong! This happens even if I'm in another room minding my own business having my peace and quiet.
Has it occurred to you that maybe it wasn't about not being a morning person, that just maybe they were simply azzhats?
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but what I'm thinking is "get over yourself." 
Even if someone is a night person, "grouchiness" doesn't normally last very long unless someone is behaving in an annoying way. You're not one of those people who goes around telling other people to "SMILE!!", are you? 
