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^^ this and it's time to get a neurologist involved and social services involved. This is out of hand and dangerous for everyone. The child is the most important person here. He has more than what he had as a child, he's becoming aggressive. How old is your niece? The family needs lots of help. Your parents are just enabling his behavior which has become worse as he gets older.
One thing is for sure. The snacks are making it worse. Step one: lock-up those credit cards.
"Snacks" are nothing but carbs mashed-together with toxic seed oils and excitotoxin flavor enhancers (with toxic emulsifiers/stabilizers/coloring agents/preservatives).
The effect of the 'Carbs/Seed Oils Double Whammy',upon a healthy brain, is bad. (notice the boom in building new "Memory Care Centers"?)
The effect upon a brain struggling to overcome a defect(in this case, the parts whose functions are compromised by the tumor), would be devastating.
NOBODY in that house, needs "cereal". NOBODY needs sugary foods or "snacks". Only the kid needs unfermented dairy.
Your brother is old enough to have developed Dysglycemia/Fatty Liver Disease/Hyperinsulinemia/undiagnosed Type 2 Diabetes (it's nearly impossible to separate-out the various components).
CARBOHYDRATE POISONING is rampant, all over the modern world. Seed Oil Poisoning is rampant in much of the world.
Personally, I'd purge the house of grains and grain products (bread, cereals, pasta, rice, "snacks"). I'd purge the house of overt sugar (learn all the code words for Sugar - mostly ending in 'ose', but not all). I'd purge the house of Soybean Oil/Corn Oil/Canola Oil - any oil pressed from seeds.
Margarine goes out-the-door, next trash day. No more Crisco. No more commercially-prepared mayo (you can make your own, using butter - really). Those bottles of "Vegetable Oil" or Canola, if they're not for oiling concrete floors, need to go.
Nobody needs fruit juices or "fruit juices"(the fake stuff with "vitamins" added). They're just bottles of sugar. Nobody needs sugary sodas. Only a very few noncaloric sweeteners are OK (Stevia, Monkfruit...). The sweeteners in the big-brand sugar-free sodas are POISON. Your brother's brain cannot cope with sugar OR poisonous artificial sweeteners.
Catsup and other sugary sauces, go into the trash.
Google pictures of low-carb fruits, and low-carb vegetables. PURGE the house of the high-carb/starch vegetables, and the high-carb fruits. Most fruits are just little bags of sugar.
Stock the house with meat, eggs, and animal-derived fats (butter, beef tallow, duck fat for flavor...). Research the best sources for DHA (a critical Fatty Acid). Order tins of Cod Livers.
Your brother's brain cannot cope with the tumor, AND the poisons in his diet.
Once his diet change has calmed-him-down, it's time for the gym. Is there one in the area, which works with disabled people? Plenty are working with young victims of the recent "novel medical intervention" - getting them out of wheelchairs. Weightlifting is brain-building. Just trust me on this. Again, this is about developing coping mechanisms and work-arounds.
And maybe - just maybe - once the diet and exercise have helped the situation, your brother can begin therapeutic fasting, which MIGHT shrink the tumor. It's not that hard to fast (once the above steps have transformed a person). I speak from experience.
I'd give up on the idea of disability for now if he's unwilling to see the doctor. It's not that I don't think your brother has a mental illness (it's clear there is something wrong), but it's hard enough to get approved when the person is cooperative, wants to be approved, and has extensive doctor documentation supporting their medical claims.
This situation has none of that. You have: brother saying he isn't disabled, and no doctor documentation to support any theoretical medical claims that there might be a supposed mental illness or impairment. For invisible illness, it's many times harder to get approved than for a disability you can see like being a quadruple amputee, or being blind. Some people suffer terribly with bipolar, with chronic pain conditions that don't show up on scans, with mental health conditions that are absolutely debilitating. In those situations, you need a paper trail that you have been to doctors, actively seeking treatment. In your brother's case, where he has not been to the doctor in who knows how long... to a judge, that looks like "nothing is wrong because this person has not sought treatment in 15 years" versus the next case on their docket where the lawyer hands over a 4 inch thick file of medical records showing the patient has visited doctor after doctor consistently every 2 months over the past 10 years, seeking treatment.
I suspect at this point, it really boils down to what your parents are willing to do, because to some extent this sounds like mental illness, but to some extent I think they are exacerbating it by enabling unhealthy behaviors. I think they should see a lawyer and make sure they have custody of the niece. I think they should stop giving him their credit card. He doesn't need to be going out to run up their credit card bill buying gas station snacks. If he wants to buy that stuff he needs to get a job, even part time, which it sounds like he could do. I think they should provide the bare minimum of shelter for him (a roof over his head, food at mealtimes), but as far as extras, does he have a smart phone? Who is paying for that and for the phone plan? Who pays for his entertainment? Are they providing him with a car, insurance, gas money? Maybe the bank of mom and dad needs to close down.
If they aren't willing to enforce a little tough love to motivate him to get a job or see a doctor, then your parents may have decided that they prefer the status quo more than they want to actually take action and do anything about it.
^^ this and it's time to get a neurologist involved and social services involved. This is out of hand and dangerous for everyone. The child is the most important person here. He has more than what he had as a child, he's becoming aggressive. How old is your niece? The family needs lots of help. Your parents are just enabling his behavior which has become worse as he gets older.
Coming up on 10 soon
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria
And maybe - just maybe - once the diet and exercise have helped the situation, your brother can begin therapeutic fasting, which MIGHT shrink the tumor..
There is no possible way to make him eat healthy or exercise, let alone a diet like you mentioned. He simply refuses to stray from his ways. I mean, if you were to find a way to force him on a diet - say simply having no other food in the house - he *will* start living off Twinkies and soda. I am not exaggerating when I say that because I’ve seen it when my parents cut sugar out of the house. Even these days there’s no sugary drinks, there’s no candy, no pastries. The fridge is stocked with veggies and meats. He could not learn to make up a meal to save his life. The extent I’ve seen the guy cook is scrambled eggs on the stove. Otherwise microwave it is.
The CC has been deactivated for about 2 years at this point so he’s not using it anymore. They never let him use the CC, but he was an authorized user on the card from years prior and had started using it behind their backs after he ran out of cash. He would head to the corner store at 6am and tuck everything under his shirt when he comes back home. I mean it’s maddening if you think about it. He knows he’s doing something he’s not supposed to but he just can’t help himself. And he doesn’t even do a good job hiding it either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar
I'd give up on the idea of disability for now
I suspect at this point, it really boils down to what your parents are willing to do, because to some extent this sounds like mental illness, but to some extent I think they are exacerbating it by enabling unhealthy behaviors. I think they should see a lawyer and make sure they have custody of the niece. I think they should stop giving him their credit card. He doesn't need to be going out to run up their credit card bill buying gas station snacks. If he wants to buy that stuff he needs to get a job, even part time, which it sounds like he could do. I think they should provide the bare minimum of shelter for him (a roof over his head, food at mealtimes), but as far as extras, does he have a smart phone? Who is paying for that and for the phone plan? Who pays for his entertainment? Are they providing him with a car, insurance, gas money? Maybe the bank of mom and dad needs to close down.
If they aren't willing to enforce a little tough love to motivate him to get a job or see a doctor, then your parents may have decided that they prefer the status quo more than they want to actually take action and do anything about it.
To be honest I don’t think he will *ever* go through with disability.
The credit card has been deactivated so no more spending there. He gets a roof over his head and clothes on his back. He used to get 3 square meals a day. Problem is he only eats it when he wants to. Otherwise it’s going straight into the trash. It has got to the point where my parents don’t make anything other than dinner and occasionally lunch for him. It was just a waste of food as he wouldn’t touch it, or would pick apart what he wanted and leave a mess for my parents to deal with. Any correction of that behavior was met with a tantrum.
Phone bill is under a family plan. Internet is house wifi. He does not drive so no expenses there(he used to, but is not mentality capable - it’s a liability for us and a hazard for others). At the same time not driving also makes him limited in terms of work. There is a bus route a block away and my parents are willing to drive him to work but for some reason he just considered it an impossible task since he can’t drive.
I don’t deny that my parents have enabled this behavior. A couple of years ago he would get into physical fights with them 4-5 times a year and they could’ve called the police to have him arrested for assault but they refused because they were scared it’d make him go insane by spending a night in jail. And even if he didn’t go insane he might come back with vengeance, which was unsafe for my parents and I at the time as I was still living at home
I'm just so sorry your family is dealing with this.
As a grandparent, I would do anything to protect my grandchild, even house my troubled child. For awhile. At this point he's out of control and endangering all of them. I think it's either mental illness or perhaps there is more going on with the benign cyst in his brain. Maybe he needs surgery.
It may take a call to the police next time he gets physical and they could try to get him into the psych ward for a 3 day hold so he can be evaluated. They may have to strap him down. He won't be the first.
Just make sure your parents have everything in order to be able to keep your niece. She's most important.
I'm just so sorry your family is dealing with this.
As a grandparent, I would do anything to protect my grandchild, even house my troubled child. For awhile. At this point he's out of control and endangering all of them. I think it's either mental illness or perhaps there is more going on with the benign cyst in his brain. Maybe he needs surgery.
It may take a call to the police next time he gets physical and they could try to get him into the psych ward for a 3 day hold so he can be evaluated. They may have to strap him down. He won't be the first.
Just make sure your parents have everything in order to be able to keep your niece. She's most important.
It’s interesting to see it from an outsiders perspective. We have been dealing with this behavior for some 15+ years so it’s almost second nature now. It just hit me that there is a breaking point for everybody in this type of situation. The day my parents fully break will be the day things change.
I think the situation may just need some days at the psych ward to see any progress, good or bad. I mean the whole child custody situation looks like a piece of cake compared to everything else. Another problem is he is tied to the finances and if sent to the ward there would be a very, very big mess for us to clean up(finances, wills, POAs, assets etc). And even if he doesn’t meet the guidelines to stay at the psych ward it might just push him over the edge and turn violent. Last thing we need is that at home. It’s traumatic enough for us adults, imagine what kind of damage that would do to a child.
We can only hope she stays around and is willing to work around his behavior. Our biggest fear is she moves away for whatever reason(school, work, marriage etc) later on as an adult and/or being fed up with his behavior and wanting nothing to do with him. As she grows into her late childhood/early adolescent years she is starting to encounter his behavior more and more. It’s hard to notice as a young child playing with him, but as you grow you start to realize some of his responses is not logical or respectful. He sometimes yells at her to go away when she wants to play and he is too busy watching TV, or if she asks him to get something but he is too occupied in his own thing. That certainly is not a healthy relationship with your own child and we have told him many times that it is not how you act, but he then goes into a fit and it ends up becoming a bigger headache for us adults.
While I can see your thought processes with hoping that your niece stays local and/or in contact with her father, the above is rather disturbing to me.
To pin all of this on the future of a child on the cusp of adolescence? You've lost me with this one--especially as I've seen just how damaging such family expectations can be (and often are)--even as it has such expectations rooted in one's culture.
It's understandable that your family is at their wits' end with your brother's behaviors, but that's a heck of a lot to expect from a child whose family should be considering this her future needs as an adult rather than hoping that she'll be the one to shoulder the responsibility of her mentally ill and willfully obstinate parent. The adolescent and young adult years can be tough enough without this sort of a future looming over her.
In your shoes, I'd be doing everything in my power to make sure that that kid felt free to take advantage of any and all opportunities for her future success and happiness even if it meant that she had to leave both the family home and the area once she's of majority to make those two things happen for herself.
Sometimes people just can't be helped. We have to accept this at some point.
We also live in a culture that wants to "fix" everything and everyone: just get a job; just get married; just save money; just have kids; just get off drugs; just take this pill; just do this treatment; just go to church; etc.
Society really has zero solutions for most people. And, really, sometimes in life, the solution is to do: nothing (ancient Zen wisdom). That doesn't mean that we don't rescue someone from a burning building. LOL. The idea is, is that when there seems to be nothing you can do: do nothing. Of course, you have to protect the child and others from abuse, but that's not what I am saying fundamentally.
Best of luck. I really don't know what to say. Situation may not get better. You can try medicines, if he is willing to take them from a psychiatrist. Sad. It's life. Again, some people cannot be helped. We think we can make everyone normal, or responsible - we cannot. For every rich person, there has to be 100 poor people. It's life. I try not to judge, even though I know certain behaviors are not acceptable.
While I can see your thought processes with hoping that your niece stays local and/or in contact with her father, the above is rather disturbing to me.
To pin all of this on the future of a child on the cusp of adolescence? You've lost me with this one--especially as I've seen just how damaging such family expectations can be (and often are)--even as it has such expectations rooted in one's culture.
It's understandable that your family is at their wits' end with your brother's behaviors, but that's a heck of a lot to expect from a child whose family should be considering this her future needs as an adult rather than hoping that she'll be the one to shoulder the responsibility of her mentally ill and willfully obstinate parent. The adolescent and young adult years can be tough enough without this sort of a future looming over her.
In your shoes, I'd be doing everything in my power to make sure that that kid felt free to take advantage of any and all opportunities for her future success and happiness even if it meant that she had to leave both the family home and the area once she's of majority to make those two things happen for herself.
This ^^^. No young girl should be raised with expectations - unspoken or otherwise - that she is to care for a parent whose role in her life appears largely abusive, even tho he may not physically harm her. I also found the post you’re responding to disturbing.
Please OP seek help for your entire family - if not your brother than for you and your parents in how to support your granddaughter / niece.
This poor child - deserted by her mother …. living with a disturbed father … and now this. My heart goes out to her.
Sometimes people just can't be helped. We have to accept this at some point.
Society really has zero solutions for most people. And, really, sometimes in life, the solution is to do: nothing (ancient Zen wisdom). That doesn't mean that we don't rescue someone from a burning building. LOL. The idea is, is that when there seems to be nothing you can do: do nothing. Of course, you have to protect the child and others from abuse, but that's not what I am saying fundamentally.
Have to agree with much of this. Sometimes the best solution for a sinking ship is to let it. Putting patches on leaks won't work any longer. This ship's been sinking for a while now. That it happens sooner may be better for everyone involved.
Last edited by Parnassia; 08-20-2023 at 04:46 PM..
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