Turning 40 on Monday (pressure, effect, anxiety, deal)
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I am turning 40 on Monday and like most people when they turned this age, this milestone does feel so surreal. I know many people have a mixture of varying emotions when it comes to birthdays and celebrating your own and for me I'm very much in the group that has real anxiety and stress and even more so with this age.
I've had some decent birthdays over the years, where I've been overseas that's always been quite nice either with a small group or one other person and a couple of ones at home which have been OK but also some unfortunate birthdays where I've ended up alone because I had to travel for work and so was on my own for the duration of my actual birthday on those occasion.
Personally what has had the most effect is being single which name things so much harder. I haven't had a proper relationship for over 8 years and never had one over a year and a bit. I never thought I'd reach 40 and still have no one in my life, no children, nothing really to live for. Birthdays for sure would have been far easier to manage because I would have just been happy spending the day with a partner (and potentially children) as I'm assuming many do and that literally takes away all the stress.
So as I turn 40 in a matter of days now, I decided to have a meal with 10 guy friends on the weekend so at least that's something. But my actual 40th birthday is on Monday and I have a tennis lesson in the morning and later on the evening will have a meal out with my parents but after from that, that's it so far. Any ideas please on what I can do for most of the day? I thought I could go to the spa and get a treatment maybe? Maybe a driving experience somewhere. Could drive to the beach if the weather is good.
If you are over 40, what did you do? And how did you feel?
If you are over 40, what did you do? And how did you feel?
I think it is a time of reflection. It is mid life. Go to some quiet place, write a letter to yourself about what you are grateful for, what you want to change, what you look forward to.
Afterwards, go treat yourself--either foodwise or buy something for yourself. Treat yourself a birthday gift.
I turn 66 in October, I alway want a quiet birthday. On my birthday I always take some time to think what I want out of my next year.
If you are over 40, what did you do? And how did you feel?
Age is just a number. Based on everything you typed the real issue isn't about your 40th birthday, it's about not being at the place in your life you always thought you'd be by the time you were 40. Like being married or maybe having kids. A lot of people feel like their family or society puts pressure on them to achieve certain things or hit certain milestones in their lives, and they generally are around birthdays that end with a zero in them.
It used to be that 30 was the birthday that stressed people out. Seeing your 20's in the rearview mirror was a pretty stark reminder that you're not a kid anymore and family and society reminded us all that we should have careers and/or families by then. But by the time I turned 30 it seemed like "40 is the new 30". And then when I turned 40, 50 was the new 40. To be honest, I don't remember what I did on my 40th or 50th birthdays. I couldn't even tell you what town I was in. I spent a lot of time on the road during those decades.
Don't let your expectations of what you think 40 should look like ruin your birthday. If you want to reassess what your future plans are or where you want to be in 5 or 10 years, you can do that any day.
How about some perspective? There are a few assumptions in your post.
I've spent more than a few of my seventy-five birthdays alone. The first few times it happened, having been raised an only child, I thought it was an outrageous way to be treated on my special day. Remember coming from the college bookstore after spending all my birthday money on books for the new quarter and thinking there ought to be a law against that.
Sometimes I go to Mexico alone and totally indulge myself in things I want to do with no interference. I've spent several birthdays in the ocean up to my neck and then taken myself out for a no-holds-barred evening meal.
At forty, if you're married with children, you're more apt to be changing diapers and meeting other peoples' needs.
A toddler's bad cold can cancel any fun time you planned. And truthfully, when you've had a partner as many years as I have, there will be some birthdays he'll forget or not be in the mood to fuss over you. That's not much fun.
And, lucky you, you will have two parties - one with friends and one with parents who are still alive and probably the people who care the most about you of anyone in your life.
I am turning 40 on Monday and like most people when they turned this age, this milestone does feel so surreal. I know many people have a mixture of varying emotions when it comes to birthdays and celebrating your own and for me I'm very much in the group that has real anxiety and stress and even more so with this age.
I've had some decent birthdays over the years, where I've been overseas that's always been quite nice either with a small group or one other person and a couple of ones at home which have been OK but also some unfortunate birthdays where I've ended up alone because I had to travel for work and so was on my own for the duration of my actual birthday on those occasion.
Personally what has had the most effect is being single which name things so much harder. I haven't had a proper relationship for over 8 years and never had one over a year and a bit. I never thought I'd reach 40 and still have no one in my life, no children, nothing really to live for. Birthdays for sure would have been far easier to manage because I would have just been happy spending the day with a partner (and potentially children) as I'm assuming many do and that literally takes away all the stress.
So as I turn 40 in a matter of days now, I decided to have a meal with 10 guy friends on the weekend so at least that's something. But my actual 40th birthday is on Monday and I have a tennis lesson in the morning and later on the evening will have a meal out with my parents but after from that, that's it so far. Any ideas please on what I can do for most of the day? I thought I could go to the spa and get a treatment maybe? Maybe a driving experience somewhere. Could drive to the beach if the weather is good.
If you are over 40, what did you do? And how did you feel?
Hope your birthday was a happy one! From my perspective you are still a spring chicken. It's been a very long time since I was 40 ( I'm 76 now) but I can imagine I felt old- I think I was born feeling old, but I've since come to realize that that the old adage of age being relative is true. I think people judge age in relation to how old THEY are, ie, anyone older than me is old, anyone younger than me is young, and so on, and no one really cares how old you are except you.
It's your life, I say live it the way you want to and don't worry about reaching milestones within a specific age. We're all different, and you can make a difference in your corner of the world ( maybe the whole world) without being married or having children.
Im 47 and I dont do birthdays anymore. I figure, why celebrate being 1 year closer to death? I love life and my kids which is why I choose to celebrate Fathers day instead. I dont want to be reminded of how old I am and tend to dwell in the past and would do anything to go back. I dont have a vey optimistic view of what the future holds, lol.
Personally what has had the most effect is being single which name things so much harder. I haven't had a proper relationship for over 8 years and never had one over a year and a bit. I never thought I'd reach 40 and still have no one in my life, no children, nothing really to live for. Birthdays for sure would have been far easier to manage because I would have just been happy spending the day with a partner (and potentially children) as I'm assuming many do and that literally takes away all the stress.
OP, I don't know where you live. Are you in the US? For some reason I have the impression you're in the UK. In the US, outside of the more conservative regions in the south and center of the country, it's normal to be single at 40. Lots of people are still single at 40, and others are newly-single at 40 after an early marriage blew up. What many of these people find out, is that there's much more to life than being part of a couple, or of a family of one's own making. This brings me to my next point:
The bolded is a bit alarming. If you feel you have nothing to live for without a partner, and that your life has no value without a partner---YIKES! What you need to do, is get yourself a Life Purpose. Find yourself a Calling, some arena of effort by which you can make a positive contribution to the world. In order to do that, you need to find something you're passionate about, and find a way to dedicate part of your time and energy to whatever that is.
What would help, also, is to figure out where your talents lie. Everyone has a special talent of some sort; we're all unique beings in that respect, with out own individual psychology, gifts, family background and upbringing, and other early sources of influence on the formation of our personality. 40, or ideally--the years leading up to the Big 4-0, is a time to Find One's Authentic Self, if one hasn't already. This isn't easy for some people; it's a big project. I suggest you dedicate yourself to this for the next few years, rather than moping about being being single. Once you have success in this life task, you may well find that you attract people to you. You may radiate more confidence, and a certain spark. That's an attractive quality. Being lost and feeling worthless to the world is not an attractive quality.
So that's my Rx to you, OP. That's what 40 is about. Even for people who have gone through their early adult years thinking they're found their path, the approach to 40 can suddenly cause them to question everything. This is why some people go through career changes at that age, or go back to school to train for a career change. You're in no better or worse a position than they are. In fact, being unencumbered as you search for your path in life, you're actually in a better position than them. Being single can be advantageous in some ways. You've been fixating on the negative, and ignoring the positive. Try starting a gratitude journal, where every day you have to jot down something positive about your life circumstances, and/or a positive quality about yourself.
Good luck! You'll be embarking on a journey of discovery; discovery of your place in the world. No one said it will be easy. Personal Growth often isn't. But it will be well worth it in the end.
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What you need to do, is get yourself a Life Purpose. Find yourself a Calling, some arena of effort by which you can make a positive contribution to the world. In order to do that, you need to find something you're passionate about, and find a way to dedicate part of your time and energy to whatever that is. 
