How do people make friends in Minnesota?! (St. Paul, Rochester: home, movies)

[offrocker]

Me and my husband talk about this all of the time. We are both from here, but we travel a lot, so we know that it is not normal here. I know how uptight and closed off Minnesotans are. My best advice is to go to small bars and just force a conversation with people that you think might be interesting. Go on the weekend so you don't just find alcoholic friends. Also, I have met many friends at community ed exercise classes. I know you can find friends this way, guaranteed. And, we are not all like this, there are a few of us friendly people around. I promise.

[RedJacket]

Originally Posted by gypsygurl66

Been here in N. MN for 15 years and it has never gotten any easier. I used to say these people are crusty, but it's worse than that. I have never had any problem making friends. I've lived out east and west. Grew up near Chicago. I used to think it was just me, but it hasn't gotten any better, no matter what I try. I've come to the realization that I will always be an outsider. My husband's and his siblings' friends are the same people that they have hung out with their whole life. They welcomed me (I guess), until the marriage started going bad. We're still together for the kids, but I am all alone with few friends. It's like I have a scarlett letter on me. I dream of the day I can leave this place. It's unbelievable how passive aggressive, snobby (why????) and unfriendly these people are. If you're thinking of moving here because it's so pretty, don't, you'll regret it!

Lutefisk and Uff da. Learn to make the former and end every sentence with the latter. Your popularity in MN will soar.

[Ghengis]

I think in Minnesota it's important to take the initiative in making new friends. For instance, when you see your neighbor in his yard or pass each other in the car, give a little wave. Do that for the next 40 or 50 years and when you see his name in the obituary go over to the gathering after the funeral with a tater-tot hot dish.

[WannaBeinBoston]

Better yet, move. After close to 20-years here, we can count on one hand the number of friends we've made and it's not for lack of trying. MN Nice is very much alive. Nice, friendly neighbors but don't expect any more than that.

[knke0204]

It's just family-land here. That's it. People have the mindset of family > friends. Keeping a social life with friends is extremely hard, even if you've been here your whole life, I would imagine finding friends is tough... That's how I look at it. It's not that people are deliberately mean or cold, it's just that with a lifestyle that mainly takes family before friends, it's hard to bring in the two.

I just think it's a matter of being persistant. Minnesotan's don't like opinionated people, from what I found. Keep your harsh opinions hushed, and be out going and willing to try new things and you shouldnt have a problem.

Finding friends is like finding a mate. Don't force it, and if it feels weird it probably is. Just let it come.

[uptown_urbanist]

I disagree on some of the opinionated people comment: well, at least within reason. If you think all Minnesotans are [fill in the blank with the negative stereotype of choice] then I'd keep it to yourself. But if you have strong opinions on other things you should feel free to share them; if you can't share opinions with friends then what good are they? People who just sit around and talk about the weather or things that are guaranteed to never offend are boring. That's fine for small talk, but if you want to move into friendship territory you've got to take risks. My friends don't all agree with me on all things (and I don't go out of my way to antagonize people or make my friends feel like I'm judging them if they're doing things that I don't like or wouldn't personally do), but if we agreed on everything, or worse, were afraid to say what we really believed for fear of never making friends, then it wouldn't be a very strong friendship.

I agree on the don't force it advice, though. And no need to be brashly opinionated just for the sake of stirring up problems. Just be yourself and feel free to hold opinions, even strong ones. And if someone doesn't want to be your friend because of your opinions -- well, you've just saved both of yourselves some time and energy.

[DmaxDiesel]

Originally Posted by knke0204

People have the mindset of family > friends.

That is the same everywhere.

[10,000Lakes]

This is only my 2 cents but it's hard to move anywhere and make friends. We are a military family and move every 2-3 years. We have moved all over the country and although we are surrounded by a military community it's more difficult to make friends who are not in any way connected to the military. Most people who live around military bases have been born/raised there and have a lot of friends they have had for a while growing up etc. It's sort of hard to break the mold. Our situation may be a little different since we are only going to be in a place for 2-3 years most people don't really want to invest the time in being your friend when your going to move anyway.

So I can understand people having a hard time moving anywhere and really connecting with people and making good friends. It can happen but as an adult it's a little more difficult than being a kid! But then again isn't everything harder as an adult!! Oh to be a kid again

So I don't really think it's a Minnesota, it happens everywhere. Honestly I found east coasters the hardest eggs to crack. But once you did they were very loyal frinds!!

[Sarimn00]

Ok, so I read your stories, and the stories on all the other threads.We are not an ignorant, cold people. If that's how you really think about us, you're never going to make friends. I talked to one of my friends that moved here from California--yep, you read it right, a lifelong Minnesotan being friends with someone out of state-and she has not had a problem making friends, and we live in a rural, no more than 15,000 people in the nearest large city kind of place. When she moved here, she had an open mind. She had interests, and joined clubs and groups with those same interests. Before she knew it, she had friends all over the place. Good friends. I'm happy to count myself as one of them.
That all said, I realize that a lot of us have the same friends as we did in childhood. I count this as a good thing. We are big on family, something else I count as a good thing. We are more reserved, but some people may take this as being snippy-when we aren't. And I know some of you don't like hearing about volunteering, but Minnesota has one of the largest populations of people that volunteer, so it really is a good place to start. Give us a chance. None of my friends would ignore you or not want to be friends with you just because you're from out of state. But if you come here with all these preconceived notions that we are cold and you won't make friends, chances are, one you get here, you won't.

[knke0204]

Originally Posted by DmaxDiesel

That is the same everywhere.

Right, but it's not uncommon to have deep family ties here. Reason?: Minnesota isn't a transplant state. Most of the people that live here are From here. This is different in some parts of the US. California, it seems like 1/5 people were actually BORN there. Same with Florida, Texas and Arizona.

When you have a large population (5 Million in MN), who stick to their family values, it's tough to include 'outsiders'. It's all about time allocation. People must juggle a social life with 1.-family 2. original friends (high school, college) 3. work friends 4. then, is for 'new friends'.

This is the same for me. I work 50 hours a week. When I get a free night, chances are I want to hang with my 'buddies'. I'm not against adding a new wolf to my wolf pack, but it's not as easy as it sounds. Or better yet, when I get a free weekend, now I'm juggling family ( seeing my parents, cousins, aunts uncles and my brothers) and squeezing in long-term relationships that I want to sustain (high school buddies, childhood friends). Not to say that newbies aren't welcome, but it's just really hard. If I meet a new guy that's cool, maybe I'll call him when I'm going out with my friends.... But with 50 hrs a week at work, and wanting to prioritize family before anything, the rare nights that DO work are few and far between, making it extemely hard to maintain a relationship.