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I've been reading a bunch of threads here..."I can't stand NJ and I'm leaving", "I left and now I'm coming back", "I moved to the south and they treat me like an outsider", etc.
Now I'm not going to make any judgements on any of you folks. But I am going to share my experiences in the spirit of what this site is about...education and shred information.
I am a Jersey boy, born and bred. Grew up middle-to-upper-middle-class in Long Hill Twp in the 70's. Spent weeks of each summer in the Adirondacks. Cruised to the Shore and NYC as a teenager and young adult. I am a slice of NJ, if you will.
As an adult, I have lived on the northern side of Rt 22 in North Plainfield, Bayonne, Berkeley Heights, and Somerville.
When our daughter was born in 1997, we were living in Berkeley Heights. We decided that NJ was no longer the place for us. We were feeling the crunch of the cost of living, and we wanted less stress, better living, and a "slower pace" for our new family. We moved to Florida. We stayed there a total of 9 months. In that 9 months, we found out that although rent was cheaper than NJ, our jobs didn't even cover the lower rent. And we had respectable jobs! We hated the lack of character of the major cities...compared to what we were used to in NYC. It seemed a good portion of those around us were either transients, or transplants from elsewhere (like us). I could go on and on, but I won't. We cut our losses and bailed back to NJ.
Obviously, things hadn't gotten cheaper while we were gone! It took us 2 years to get back on our feet financially, but at least we felt like we were home.
The only thing is that "home" is a state of mind.
We've been back for almost ten years now. And in that ten years, we've seen crime get worse, seen childhood homes and neighborhoods change, seen friends flee, seen quaint houses on small lots torn down and replaced with monstrosities that no longer really have yards or woods between them, seen traffic get nuts, seen children change and become hardened thugs by the time they hit middle school, etc. In 2nd grade, a classmate of my daughter's threatened my little girl...told her "she would wake up breathing through a tube". TV is the option because outside play now means foul graffiti and broken glass on the playgrounds. Going for a run or a walk means dodging broken glass and inhaling car fumes every third or fourth breath. The Watchung Reservation has beer cans, bottles, cigarette butts and trash everywhere. Should we have to drive 5 hours to get somewhere pristine? Taxes...!! Again...I could go on and on.
So...
There are my experiences. It took us another almost ten years, and the realization that home is a state of mind to decide to leave. The better pay just doesn't really pay off! Childhood memories are exactly that...memories. "What once was..." is intangible.
I'm not trying to push my "yankee-ness" on a new place. I am an outsider who's just going to become a citizen of that new place. No labels. I'ved weighed the good and bad, and done my research extensively. I'm going to be thankful that my kids can go out and play. I'm going to be thankful for a lower cost of living and better outdoor opportunities. I'm going to embrace new things, people, and experiences.
Don't get me wrong. I love NJ, NY, and all of this stuff. But I've left, come back, etc, etc, and can now see a bigger picture. Hope you all can as well...whatever you decide!
I think you are right. We moved out of NJ to Indiana a year ago. My husband and I are both born and raised in NJ and do miss it. BUT like you said, memories are just that...memories of how it was. We visit because all of our family is still in Jersey and we do miss it but it is amazing to see how much it has gone downhill even since we left.
Good luck to everyone. Sometimes moving isn't the right thing but whatever the 'right' thing is for you, good luck.
I've been reading a bunch of threads here..."I can't stand NJ and I'm leaving", "I left and now I'm coming back", "I moved to the south and they treat me like an outsider", etc.
Now I'm not going to make any judgements on any of you folks. But I am going to share my experiences in the spirit of what this site is about...education and shred information.
I am a Jersey boy, born and bred. Grew up middle-to-upper-middle-class in Long Hill Twp in the 70's. Spent weeks of each summer in the Adirondacks. Cruised to the Shore and NYC as a teenager and young adult. I am a slice of NJ, if you will.
As an adult, I have lived on the northern side of Rt 22 in North Plainfield, Bayonne, Berkeley Heights, and Somerville.
When our daughter was born in 1997, we were living in Berkeley Heights. We decided that NJ was no longer the place for us. We were feeling the crunch of the cost of living, and we wanted less stress, better living, and a "slower pace" for our new family. We moved to Florida. We stayed there a total of 9 months. In that 9 months, we found out that although rent was cheaper than NJ, our jobs didn't even cover the lower rent. And we had respectable jobs! We hated the lack of character of the major cities...compared to what we were used to in NYC. It seemed a good portion of those around us were either transients, or transplants from elsewhere (like us). I could go on and on, but I won't. We cut our losses and bailed back to NJ.
Obviously, things hadn't gotten cheaper while we were gone! It took us 2 years to get back on our feet financially, but at least we felt like we were home.
The only thing is that "home" is a state of mind.
We've been back for almost ten years now. And in that ten years, we've seen crime get worse, seen childhood homes and neighborhoods change, seen friends flee, seen quaint houses on small lots torn down and replaced with monstrosities that no longer really have yards or woods between them, seen traffic get nuts, seen children change and become hardened thugs by the time they hit middle school, etc. In 2nd grade, a classmate of my daughter's threatened my little girl...told her "she would wake up breathing through a tube". TV is the option because outside play now means foul graffiti and broken glass on the playgrounds. Going for a run or a walk means dodging broken glass and inhaling car fumes every third or fourth breath. The Watchung Reservation has beer cans, bottles, cigarette butts and trash everywhere. Should we have to drive 5 hours to get somewhere pristine? Taxes...!! Again...I could go on and on.
So...
There are my experiences. It took us another almost ten years, and the realization that home is a state of mind to decide to leave. The better pay just doesn't really pay off! Childhood memories are exactly that...memories. "What once was..." is intangible.
I'm not trying to push my "yankee-ness" on a new place. I am an outsider who's just going to become a citizen of that new place. No labels. I'ved weighed the good and bad, and done my research extensively. I'm going to be thankful that my kids can go out and play. I'm going to be thankful for a lower cost of living and better outdoor opportunities. I'm going to embrace new things, people, and experiences.
Don't get me wrong. I love NJ, NY, and all of this stuff. But I've left, come back, etc, etc, and can now see a bigger picture. Hope you all can as well...whatever you decide!
i thought overall this was a decent post, but the end left me a little puzzled. are you saying that you had to move out of the state in order for your kids to play outside, all children in NJ have become hardened thugs and the ENTIRE state is polluted? because that's the message I'm getting and I'll tell you, that's NOT my NJ. i can walk out into my backyard for pristine-ness (if that's a word ), my kids play outside for hours at time with their 15 friends on our block, and we haven't had a death threat.
if you moved for new experiences, more power to you, I think that's wonderful and I feel everyone should either live somewhere else or travel at one point in their life. but to infer that you can't find the above ANYWHERE in the entire state is just wrong.
hey tahiti,
if you go back near the top of my post, I wrote..."I am going to share my experiences".
The bad experiences are not the whole of my experience here, but...
the NJ I was brought up in is essentially gone. The NJ neighborhood that I was raised in has gone from a pretty affordable place (my folks did ok, but weren't loaded by any means!) to someplace I would be hardly able to rent in, much less buy.
Sure, you can still pay (a lot!) for a backyard that backs up onto someplace pristine...or a neighborhood where the kids are safe and the streets are clean. My point is that those places are not easily had here anymore, and are getting fewer and further between.
The incident with the threat to my child? Isolated? Hopefully! Indicative of all kids in NJ? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But did it happen in a good school system?? YES! And did the school respond? Not really.
I also wanted to share my moving-away-and-back-again experience because I have seen so many others post about how they felt that their move away from NJ was a mistake...and that they couldn't wait to come back. Well...there were very valid reasons you left to begin with. And although they may be clouded by a new experience in a new place that may not have turned out exactly as you planned, they are still valid!
And hey, bdpop...I've read some of your posts, and I understand your situation. I've been almost exactly where you are at. I thought FL was the promised land because NJ was getting crazy. But FL is twice as crazy, I found out! I encourage you to really re-think why you left to begin with...why you thought FL would be better than NJ. Because, as your research shows you...NJ has not gotten cheaper, less crowded, etc, while you've been away. And Rt 18 is still a zoo!
I've been reading a bunch of threads here..."I can't stand NJ and I'm leaving", "I left and now I'm coming back", "I moved to the south and they treat me like an outsider", etc.
Now I'm not going to make any judgements on any of you folks. But I am going to share my experiences in the spirit of what this site is about...education and shred information.
I am a Jersey boy, born and bred. Grew up middle-to-upper-middle-class in Long Hill Twp in the 70's. Spent weeks of each summer in the Adirondacks. Cruised to the Shore and NYC as a teenager and young adult. I am a slice of NJ, if you will.
As an adult, I have lived on the northern side of Rt 22 in North Plainfield, Bayonne, Berkeley Heights, and Somerville.
When our daughter was born in 1997, we were living in Berkeley Heights. We decided that NJ was no longer the place for us. We were feeling the crunch of the cost of living, and we wanted less stress, better living, and a "slower pace" for our new family. We moved to Florida. We stayed there a total of 9 months. In that 9 months, we found out that although rent was cheaper than NJ, our jobs didn't even cover the lower rent. And we had respectable jobs! We hated the lack of character of the major cities...compared to what we were used to in NYC. It seemed a good portion of those around us were either transients, or transplants from elsewhere (like us). I could go on and on, but I won't. We cut our losses and bailed back to NJ.
Obviously, things hadn't gotten cheaper while we were gone! It took us 2 years to get back on our feet financially, but at least we felt like we were home.
The only thing is that "home" is a state of mind.
We've been back for almost ten years now. And in that ten years, we've seen crime get worse, seen childhood homes and neighborhoods change, seen friends flee, seen quaint houses on small lots torn down and replaced with monstrosities that no longer really have yards or woods between them, seen traffic get nuts, seen children change and become hardened thugs by the time they hit middle school, etc. In 2nd grade, a classmate of my daughter's threatened my little girl...told her "she would wake up breathing through a tube". TV is the option because outside play now means foul graffiti and broken glass on the playgrounds. Going for a run or a walk means dodging broken glass and inhaling car fumes every third or fourth breath. The Watchung Reservation has beer cans, bottles, cigarette butts and trash everywhere. Should we have to drive 5 hours to get somewhere pristine? Taxes...!! Again...I could go on and on.
So...
There are my experiences. It took us another almost ten years, and the realization that home is a state of mind to decide to leave. The better pay just doesn't really pay off! Childhood memories are exactly that...memories. "What once was..." is intangible.
I'm not trying to push my "yankee-ness" on a new place. I am an outsider who's just going to become a citizen of that new place. No labels. I'ved weighed the good and bad, and done my research extensively. I'm going to be thankful that my kids can go out and play. I'm going to be thankful for a lower cost of living and better outdoor opportunities. I'm going to embrace new things, people, and experiences.
Don't get me wrong. I love NJ, NY, and all of this stuff. But I've left, come back, etc, etc, and can now see a bigger picture. Hope you all can as well...whatever you decide!
I think your posting is very sincere, and well explained. I too, was born and raised in NJ. I understand every bit of information you have shared with us.
Thank you for posting about your new place, after doing all your research.......and that you have found a safe, secure place. With a lower cost of living ( that would be good for just about everyone ) and some nice spacious outdoors...Hoping your "new place" brings you everything your heart, and your family desire. Hurray to you!!!
This is a great post thank you! It's like my answer. I am so torn between moving , my house is sold and I am leaving in 26 days. I am hearing everyone's negitives!!!! I was pretty sure of myself and now everyone (parents, husband,friends ) all have me a basket case. I want to get out. I'm just scared. Thanks for the nice post Marilyn
I have lived in Central NJ all my 60+ years and I also agree that in some areas the quality of life just ain't what it used to be years ago. Lots of people on this board talk about how great certain towns are(towns that I either grew up in or lived in in years past) but I have to say some of those towns I only drive thru when I have to but could never live there again. NJ still has plenty of great neighborhoods but for a lot of people they are priced out of living in those areas.When I was a kid Bridgewater was farmtown and nobody wanted to live in Warren, (to much like the sticks) In central NJ civilization ended when you reached Somerville on RT.22.
For many, NJ will always be a great place to live but for a lot of folks affordable living along with so many middleclass working jobs are just not to be found.
But the biggest problem with NJ. JUST TOO MANY PEOPLE.
This is a great post thank you! It's like my answer. I am so torn between moving , my house is sold and I am leaving in 26 days. I am hearing everyone's negitives!!!! I was pretty sure of myself and now everyone (parents, husband,friends ) all have me a basket case. I want to get out. I'm just scared. Thanks for the nice post Marilyn
It is hard to leave a state you think of as home. But, there are reasons you are leaving,and I am sure they are solid reasons.
When I first came to Pa from NJ......my grown girls were in shock.
" How can we leave our state, everything we love and know"........
Within a short time.......they were loving their new surroundings.
They were enjoying all the things I had hoped they would. Statements like
" I'd never go back to NJ now" were something I thought I'd never hear.
Others I know have moved just over borders, to have a home they just
could not match getting in NJ. They are happy too.
Be where things feel right for you.........where life is easiest on you and your spirit. I think that's where you are headed......and remember like one poster said. There is reasons "why" he left the first time........and that didn't change when he thought he would "try to"come back.
Happiness to you........and.........enjoy that new place "called HOME"
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), my kids play outside for hours at time with their 15 friends on our block, and we haven't had a death threat.
